How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The New Yorker writes about researchers’ struggle to study psychopaths

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Two Lovefraud readers brought an article in the latest issue of The New Yorker magazine to my attention. It's entitled Suffering Souls—the search for the roots of psychopathy, by John Seabrook. The article starts off describing the work of a researcher, Dr. Kent Kiehl, who is using an fMRI machine to study the brains of prisoners in the Western New Mexico Correctional Facility, searching for physical indications of psychopathy. The author provides a brief history of the evolution of scientific understanding about this personality disorder, and describes today's conflicting opinions about it. Seabrook reviewed the literature and interviewed experts, including Dr. Robert Hare. All in all, t …

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Lost Memories of a Sociopathic Killer

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I was on my knees in the family room of our home. It was about 5:00 am and I was reflecting on some journaling that I had been doing for the past few months. It was suggested that I think through everything that I had written down about my past memories to be sure that I had everything. I had been through a detox facility three months earlier to get off of pain pills a few months after having major back surgery. I had been off of the pills for three months now. I had become addicted to them and now I was “cleaning house” so that it wouldn't happen again. Suddenly, it hit me like a freight train. My initial thought, as fear began to grip my entire being, was “Oh My God”. I said this to mys …

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Is this person a jerk, a narcissist or a sociopath?

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I do my best to read all of the comments on lovefraud.com because I think they are a good barometer as to what people are thinking and questioning. One recent theme/question has been the issue of the realm of jerkdom. Just what is a jerk? Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines a jerk as an annoyingly stupid or foolish person b: an unlikable person ; especially one who is cruel, rude, or small-minded. But how would a psychologist approach answering this question? Psychologists studying personality tend to fall into two categories, with members of the first category being far more numerous. The first category of psychologists is composed of trait psychologists. A trait psychologist is …

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Exploiters seek partners who dread to displease them

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It is no accident that narcissistic and sociopathic personalities will seek, and often successfully attract, partners who have their own issue: a tendency to dread the idea of disappointing or displeasing them. This is admittedly a generality, but it's a pattern I've observed in my clinical experience, and it makes sense. The exploiter, who regards others as existing principally to satisfy his or her wants on a continual basis, must by definition find in a mate someone who is highly motivated—and especially, highly afraid not—to satisfy him or her. Thus one often finds the pairing of an exploiter complemented by a partner who is prone, perhaps compulsively, to look inward to himself or her …

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Sociopathic children and psychopathic traits during childhood

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This is a very tragic story left by one of our readers: My daughter was misdiagnosed with ADHD. Then bipolar disorder, then Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I stormed out of her psychologist office when she told me that she saw something “dark” in my child. That was when she was 7. When she was 8, her sociopathy increased and she purposely drowned my poodle. She also tried to smother my baby by my second husband. The strain of her and my carrying the baggage from my last relationship has driven he and I apart and we currently trying to file for divorce. She steals daily, has even stolen as much as $500 from my wallet. I lock things away, and she will simply pry open the lock, break the …

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The Sociopath Next Door? Probably Not

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Clearly the LoveFraud community, better than anyone, can testify to the reality of sociopaths and the damage they can inflict on others. Sociopaths exist. That is inarguable. The sociopath is someone, as we know, with a grossly deficient respect for the integrity and boundaries of others; someone who sizes others up principally as assets to be exploited for his or her own whims and needs. The sociopath is a remorseless user and taker. At the same time, I think it's worth noting that sociopathy, in general, makes for sensational copy, as a result of which estimations of its incidence in the general population are at risk, I would argue, of being dubiously, irresponsibly inflated. Martha …

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Can victims become like the psychopath?

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This week we received the following email: My daughter is married to a man I consider a psychopath. My daughter has not spoken with me for many months. She has totally changed her personality, voice, she says things she never would have said before, she attacks me to my friends. My daughter and her husband seem to have their own version of reality, truth, and morality that is not consistent with those outside her marriage or in the world. My husband doesn't want to invite them to our house for the holidays or have anything to do with them. I feel the same way, too, because of their attacks and saying things that are not true about us. I have gotten advice on this blog to try and have a …

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Philadelphia parole board must learn how to spot psychopaths

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On Sunday, I wrote about the case of Daniel Giddings, a violent criminal, recently paroled, who executed a Philadelphia cop. Yesterday, the governor of Pennsylvania, Ed Rendell, requested a "top-to-bottom" review of Philadelphia's parole process. And, the governor put a moratorium on paroles until the review is complete. John S. Goldkamp, head of Temple University's criminal justice department, got the assignment of conducting the parole system review. According to an article in today's Philadelphia Inquirer, Goldkamp plans to "focus on how other states release violent offenders into society and whether those practices can be used here." Professor Goldkamp, let me save you some …

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When judges and parole boards don’t understand psychopaths, cops die

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Tomorrow, the city of Philadelphia is burying a police officer killed in the line of duty. Last Tuesday, Highway Patrol Officer Patrick McDonald was shot to death after a routine traffic stop in a bad neighborhood. The city is furious, and rightfully so—the killer, Daniel Giddings, had an extensive and violent criminal history. He was convicted of robbery and aggravated assault in 2000 for carjacking and kneecapping the victim in the process. Yet Giddings was paroled from a maximum-security prison to a halfway house on August 18, 2008, which he promptly fled. On August 27, Philadelphia police pulled Giddings over for a traffic violation in a car that was later discovered to be stolen. H …

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Accepting the sociopath/narcissist’s blame to preserve the relationship

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Here's a theme I think we can relate to: Your partner (a male in this example, strictly for convenience's sake)—a narcissist, or perhaps sociopath—blames you for his misery, bad moods, bad decisions, frustrations, dissatisfactions, disappointments and underfulfillment. From his perspective, if he cheats on you—or deceives and betrays you—you will have deserved it, because you will have been responsible for the discontent that necessitated his violating behaviors. Remember he feels entitled to have what he wants; he deserves what he wants, when he wants it; and if he's frustrated, it must be someone's fault. Someone must be blamed, and you, his partner, will be his odds-on choice to o …

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