How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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My narcissistic father made it no secret that he preferred my siblings over me

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Editor's Note: This SPATH story was submitted by Lovefraud reader “Isis2014” My father displays behaviors that are consistent with narcissistic personality disorder. He was emotionally abusive and neglectful to my mother, my siblings and me. He and my mother were married for 28 years. Months before their 28th anniversary, my mother discovered that my father had a 25 year old daughter. She is three weeks younger than my parent's second child. He hid his daughter's existence for 25 years. No one knew about her, not even his own parents. My father exploits people, especially ones who are shy and quiet. He has exploited all of his children and continues to exploit my brother to this day …

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If Psychopaths Were Identified

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If psychopaths were actively identified across institutions, we would more consistently know exactly who we're dealing with. Their stats on getting away with murder would go (way) down. They would be less likely to win full custody in divorce. There would be more public awareness around who's running certain companies. And our public and professional belief that interactional assessments and background checks tell us all we need to know about a person would be turned on its head to the benefit of all involved. If psychopaths were identified consistently and accurately by all mental health professionals (which would require major change in nearly every clinical training …

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I am getting more imprisoned daily

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Editor's Note: This Spath story was submitted by Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Tina-Marie.” I was married to a Cluster B - sociopath, psychopath, narcissist. He left the children and me six years ago. He created a smear campaign against us before he left unbeknownst to us. This was so he would have a posse of people who would feel sorry for him. He took all the money and borrowed against our jointly owned home without my knowledge or consent. Since he left he has denied the payment of our daughter's school, while he pays for the son. He had our son kicked out of his beloved chorus where he sang for seven years. The dad floated a big check for the expulsion. He has hacked into …

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My ‘knight in shining armor’ turned out to be a sociopath

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Editor's note: The following was written by "Cajungirl." I found my "knight in shining armor" as a single mom of a six-month-old baby. My boyfriend was too good to be true to myself and my son. I fell in love quickly and soon life was easier and we settled into home life. Three years later I am pregnant with my second child and decided to marry the man I loved. He traveled 4-5 days a week so we decided I would be the at-home caregiver. My relationship changed abruptly when I began to feel isolated and out of touch. I had to fight for a part time job to have a social outlet. I was a fine dining server and enjoyed the easy money that was mine. I had to work only when my husband was …

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Psychopaths as Predators: Protecting Children

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A child predator is likely (but not always) a psychopath and not necessarily a stranger. Here are some points to consider when it comes to protecting your children.* Be Present People who prey on children are likely to seek out roles that give them time for intimate contact. That includes coaches, club advisors, teachers, pastors, and so on. Background checks are only useful if the individual has been caught, and let's face it, many are not. A clever psychopath who preys on children is likely to evade detection through charisma, deception, and a values-driven facade. This person may be the last you'd ever expect—the type who spends time with the family even when the children aren't a …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My adopted daughter became her biological mother

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader who posts as "Hannah4." Donna Andersen will offer comments at the end of her story. V and B join our family I retired from teaching two years ago. I have been married for 38 years to the same man and gave birth to two sons who are now grown. Sixteen years ago, my husband and I became guardians of two girls who are biological sisters (who attended the school where I taught). One of the sisters, V, joined our family when she was nine years old. One year later, her younger sister, B, who had just turned nine, also joined our family. At the time, I taught in a private Christian school where the philosophy was "it …

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Telling Your Kids the Truth About a Sociopath

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Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader: My daughter was very recently granted custody of the two daughters that resulted from her relationship with a sociopath. An ongoing problem that I would LOVE to see you address on your website—how does one deal with the sociopath's lies and manipulation of the children? Specifically—how do you tell the kids the truth without hurting them? My daughter has to deal with a constant barrage of lies from the other parent. An example of this—telling their older child that her mother did not want to see her when the reality was that he (the sociopath father) was keeping the children from her. It's a no-win situation because either wa …

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For at-risk toddlers, warm parenting is best

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Experts now agree that sociopathy is at least partly genetic. That means any child born of a sociopathic parent may inherit a predisposition to the personality disorder. Sometimes this predisposition can be seen in very young children who exhibit "callous-unemotional" traits. New research shows that  toddlers who exhibit callous-unemotional behavior may be helped by warm, loving parenting. Warmer parenting makes antisocial toddlers more empathetic, on PSmag.com. This is the same advice Dr. Liane Leedom gives in her book, Just Like His Father? A guide to overcoming our child's genetic connection to antisocial behavior, addiction and ADHD. Here's the bottom line: If you realize …

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Co-Parenting with a Psychopath: Two Insiders Tell Us What It’s Like

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by Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly both married and divorced psychopaths. They both have children with these men and are therefore connected to them for life. Here, they share their experiences and advice. Let's start with a big, looming question. When and how did you figure out you were with a psychopath? Q.P. I had no idea I was married to a sociopath for most of my marriage. But the signs were there—for years, I battled depression, anxiety, feels of worthlessness, and all the classic symptoms of a spouse in an abusive relationship. However, I didn't know what a sociopath was, nor did I understand that abuse could be anything other than physical; so I ra …

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3 Ways Cops Can Support A Sociopath

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Think street cops are better trained to deal with sociopathy than the rest of us? Think again. Here are three ways that cops—at least the small town variety I'm most familiar with—can get pulled into aiding a sociopath: 1. Cops are just as likely as anybody else in the world to be charmed by a sociopath on the spot. In my case, I called for help when my ex threatened to leave my house with our children and not bring them back. At the time, he had also been actively stalking me and threatening my life. The local prosecutor had just sent an "official" letter to him, warning him to stay more than 100 feet away from me (or some similar distance). After our disagreement over his intent to keep o …

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