By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I often go to auctions and flea markets looking for “hidden treasures” to add to my collection of pottery and handmade baskets of split oak. One of the things I have learned to do is to look for subtle or hidden flaws in the things that I like to collect. It isn't uncommon to find pottery items that have been chipped or broken and then carefully mended. Sometimes the cracks are very subtle and difficult to detect. It isn't unusual for me to see an item and get all “excited” about it, then upon closer inspection, find that there are some hidden cracks. I got to thinking about the “hidden cracks” that are found in dysfunctional families as well. In my own …
Family Court: A Psychopath’s Playground for Legally Sanctioned Abuse
As a young child, my parents always called me the "party police". I was the good girl who never liked to see people breaking the rules. I never smoked, never drank underage, never did drugs, and never stole anything. I grew up believing in justice and always believed that the courts and the police would protect me if and when I needed them. That belief ended when I entered a custody war with Luc (my psychopath ex). Going through a custody war with a sociopath will change the way you view the justice system. In fact, most of my time in court with Luc felt more like an "injustice" system than anything that resembled justice. The painful lessons I learned about how our system works rock …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Destruction of our lives through family courts
Editor's note: The following email was sent by a woman whom we'll call "Eralyn." I have been "lurking" (I guess it's called) your site for quite some time. I want to thank you for your website as I am grateful to see people who know and understand the insanity of all of this. I have decided to write to you as I read the posts of women who have very young children with a sociopath and they sound so much like me a decade ago that I cannot in good conscience keep quiet. While I don't want to cause any more fear than they are already living with, I do want them to be warned and keep their guard up. They need to know the way things are going in the court system down the road. Poking h …
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Mourning the man who never was (because he is a psychopath)
Before I had children, I always dreamed that my children would have a wonderful relationship with both me and their father. Given the close relationship that I have with my father, I could never have imagined a situation where I would NOT want my child's father to have access to him/her. (Until now, of course) Here is a quick example of how I felt about my father as a child and why I dreamed for my child to have the same: (This conversation took place as my father was tying my shoes.) Young Cappuccino Queen (circa age 5): Daddy, when I grow up can I marry you? My father (holding back laughter): No baby girl, I am already married to your mother. Cappuccino Queen: But Daddy, I …
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Co-parenting with a sociopath: An environment of distrust (The Headless Bear)
When I first became exposed to the term "co-parenting", I remember having a visceral reaction. I was sitting in the three hour court mandated co-parenting class, breaking into a sweat, and having what felt like a full on panic attack as the woman leading the class showed slides of "parenting schedules." 'How in hell was I going to co-parent with a man who was capable of such terrible things,' I thought as I tried to get myself under enough control to not look like a crazy woman. At the beginning of the class, the leaders made a point to tell everyone to disregard most of what was being said if you were in a situation with abuse/domestic violence. For some reason, this statement made me …
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Lessons from my Child Custody War with a Sociopath
Custody cases are often referred to as “custody battles”. Lately when I hear this term, I have to chuckle to myself because a “battle” seems so mild and finite compared to what I have been dealing with since the night I fled my ex's house with my newborn son. A “battle” might be an appropriate title when the case is between two rational parents. If you are dealing with a sociopath in a child custody case, however, you are probably experiencing what feels more like a war. Some battles are won and some are lost, but it is never just ONE battle with a person like this. I am blessed to be able to share my war stories in hopes to give others ammunition that I didn't have (and maybe even gat …
New Lovefraud author to detail her child custody battle with a sociopath
Lovefraud's newest contributor is living the nightmare scenario. She met someone who she thought was a talented, successful businessman, because that's what he told her, and that's how he behaved. This man promised to make her dreams of a loving family come true. She had a child with him—and a few days after she gave birth, she fled with her infant, fearing for her life. This woman believes the father of her child is a dangerous psychopath. The woman is writing under the pen name of "Cappuccino Queen." She cannot be identified. She's already received death threats. She needs to stay alive to protect her child. She is truly worried, because at least one woman who was involved with the m …
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Honoring the memory of Amara, Sophie and Cecilia
It has been interesting to listen to the pundits trying to explain why someone would declare war on those in a theater and open fire. One said, "most of the time these acts are not committed by sociopaths” and asserted that most of the shooters are “depressed.” Many other pundits have said the shooter is obviously without conscience and have described him as “a psychopath.” I bring up these issues because of another story that received very little coverage because it was eclipsed by the horrific events in Colorado. Today I would like to honor the memory of Amara, Sophie and Cecilia, three little ones whose only crime was having a monster as a father. Amara, Sophie and Cecilia …
Do not marry a murderer
William Balfour, 31, of Chicago, was found guilty last week of murdering Darnell Donerson, Jason Hudson and Julian King. They were the mother, brother and nephew of singer and actress Jennifer Hudson. In my opinion, this case was a tragedy, but a preventable tragedy. Julia Hudson, Jennifer's older sister, brought Balfour into the family when she married him. If she hadn't married this man, it obviously wouldn't have happened. Jennifer Hudson was the first witness in the murder trial. She testified that the entire family was against Julia's relationship with Balfour. "None of us wanted her to marry him. We did not like how he treated her," she stated in court. Julia secretly married …
New York Times article on child psychopaths
Today's New York Times Magazine has an excellent article on the signs of psychopathy in children. It presents a heartbreaking story of parents trying to cope with a "callous-unemotional" 9-year-old, and covers much of the current research on the disorder in children. Very well done. Read Can a 9-year-old be a psychopath? on NYTimes.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …