Hello. I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed systems that left me in constant contact with my …
How to know if you were raised by a narcissist, and what to do about it
You feel like a doormat, you are competitive with siblings, you have no sense of yourself. Worse yet, you can't figure out why you feel the way you do. An insightful article on Huffington Post, written by Anna Almendrala, suggests that your problem may not have originated with you, but with your parents. Maybe your parents were narcissists. The article describes six ways you may feel or behave now, why your emotions or behaviors may be the result of a narcissistic parent, and how you can recover. 6 Signs you were raised by a narcissist, on Huffingtonpost.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
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My father the sociopath: ‘I should just kill you’
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call “Judith-Ann.” Many of us grow up in homes of loud abuses. As children, constant new realities wail on our fledgling emotions, all too often beating them into submission. Some of us give up. Our sensitive natures can't bear the hate of our own creators and we crash into ourselves in a thousand ways, catching fire until we burn out like stars, until there is nothing of ourselves but a black hole of self-hatred. Others of us continue to rail against the injustices committed against us. The Unwanted, we bash our brains out against the bars of an invisible cage from which we honestly believe we can never be freed. …
Co-parenting and Interactions with the Sociopath After the Divorce
by Quinn Pierce I sat on the edge of the stage watching the teams race up and down the court. It was the first game of my son's basketball tournament. I knew my ex-husband was there, because I saw his car when I pulled into the parking lot. I wasn't surprised that he was there, even though he said he wasn't going. He often changed his plans last minute, or lied entirely just to avoid giving a difinitive answer and to keep others off balance. When I saw him standing by the players, I felt a mix of annoyance and disgust that he continues to play the 'Father of the Year' role, despite the cruel and un-fatherly behavior he practices behind closed doors. At least I knew he would not try to …
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The Cost of a Sociopath
I've been writing my next book and decided to share a piece of it. Here it is: All my life, I've been surrounded by facts and figures about how many years you lose if you do certain things. Like smoke cigarettes. Or do drugs. Or drink too much alcohol. People like to threaten and motivate each other with scary statistics that encompass not only dangerous behaviors but also self-neglect. Like failing to exercise. Or skipping stress-reduction techniques. “For every year you smoke, you take a year off your life.” Something like that. But I don't think anyone knows how many years you lose to a psychopath. Not even counting the years you spend going crazy before you finally figure out wha …
I knew immediately something was wrong, but I felt trapped
Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts under the name "sunshinejan." The names in this story have been changed. I married someone I met online after a relatively short courtship that I and friends/family felt was sufficient to answer our questions and made us feel secure as conservative evangelical Christians about his intentions and character. Once I was married and moved out of the country away from my family and gave up my beloved profession and friends to be with him, I knew immediately something was wrong, but I felt trapped. He abused my credit in two countries and lied before and during the marriage about his financial situation. He …
I knew immediately something was wrong, but I felt trappedRead More
Our son acts just like his sociopath father; maybe even worse
Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Good Mom.” The father of my son was a spath. He is now deceased. He killed himself. He was a drug and alcohol addict and he was very abusive. I was beaten regularly. I was a possession. He owned me and he owned everything that was mine. He lied as easily as he breathed. I went through a very difficult break up with him when my son was 3 years old. I did not know until after his death that he was a spath. We have a son who is now 37 years old, and I do believe this is hereditary because he is also a spath and acts exactly the same as his father, maybe even worse. I had never known anyone who beh …
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“It’s done. I’ve killed them.”
On Easter Sunday, 2014, 36-year-old Charles Amon Mihayo, of Melbourne, Australia, went to the home of his estranged partner's parents, where he had made arrangements to see his two daughters, Indianna, three, and Savannah, four years old. He dressed the girls in pretty ballerina dresses that he had bought earlier that day, and had them do a dance in the back yard for their mother and grand parents. Then he brought the girls inside, locked the doors, video recorded them dancing again, and then smothered them to death while their mother and grandparents were locked out. When police arrived Mihayo told them. “It's done.I've killed them.” Charles Amon Mihayo watched his daughters dance befo …
My narcissistic father made it no secret that he preferred my siblings over me
Editor's Note: This SPATH story was submitted by Lovefraud reader “Isis2014” My father displays behaviors that are consistent with narcissistic personality disorder. He was emotionally abusive and neglectful to my mother, my siblings and me. He and my mother were married for 28 years. Months before their 28th anniversary, my mother discovered that my father had a 25 year old daughter. She is three weeks younger than my parent's second child. He hid his daughter's existence for 25 years. No one knew about her, not even his own parents. My father exploits people, especially ones who are shy and quiet. He has exploited all of his children and continues to exploit my brother to this day …
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If Psychopaths Were Identified
If psychopaths were actively identified across institutions, we would more consistently know exactly who we're dealing with. Their stats on getting away with murder would go (way) down. They would be less likely to win full custody in divorce. There would be more public awareness around who's running certain companies. And our public and professional belief that interactional assessments and background checks tell us all we need to know about a person would be turned on its head to the benefit of all involved. If psychopaths were identified consistently and accurately by all mental health professionals (which would require major change in nearly every clinical training …