How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Helping Children Heal While Co-parenting with a Sociopath

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by Quinn Pierce I sat on the now familiar, well worn bench outside the courtroom, and I watched the strained faces of the people around me as I waited for our name to be called.  It was our fourth appearance in the family court due to my son's unexcused absences resulting from an illness the school has yet to acknowledge. The whole process has been exhausting, to say the least, but it's been made even worse by the carnival-like antics being performed by my ex-husband and his lawyer. As usual, a situation that should solely be about supporting our child has been turned into another  Look At Me, I'm the Victim one-act play.  It seems that any captive audience lately has become an op …

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Why Do I Feel So Guilty? How Sociopaths Shame Us Into Submission

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If I had to pick the most powerful tool in a sociopath's arsenal, it would be shame.   I've experienced a myriad of emotions during my life with sociopathic parents:  sadness, anger, confusion, jealousy (from observing "healthy" families), fear, loneliness, compassion, forgiveness.  During the healing process, it is very normal to have waves of these emotions come and go.  But for me, the one emotion that hasn't come and gone, the one that has blanketed my entire life history, is shame. Why shame?  I didn't ask to be abused as a child.    As an adult, I certainly had the choice to sever ties with my parents, but I didn't because I thought a good daughter wouldn't do that.   If I hang in the …

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New book about the Susan Powell disapperance reveals abuse

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Gregg Olsen and Rebecca Morris released their book “If I Can't Have You: Susan Powell,”  which reveals what life was like inside the home of Susan and Josh Powell and their two young sons 7 year-old Charlie and 5 year-old Braden. According to neighbors, Josh mentally and physically abused Susan and the boys. After Susan's mysterious disappearance in 2009, her parents, Chuck and Judy Cox, cared for the boys. They began to see signs that the boys may have been sexually abused while living with their father and paternal grandfather. Susan's body has never been found.  Josh Powell blew up their home, killing his sons and himself in the explosion. Revealed: Josh Powell 'sexually abused his t …

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Traumatic Bonding: When You Love Your Abuser

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Last Memorial Day weekend, as I was picking out flowers for my mom and dad's graves, my dad kept coming to my mind:  What flowers would he like?........Red was always his favorite color, I'll get some red flowers......I should put a little American flag with his flowers, he would like that....... There were a lot of scary, unsettling times in my life with my parents, but one thing that stayed pretty consistent was the soft spot I had for my dad.  It sounds odd, because I was terrified of him. Letting your guard down was never an option.  The smallest thing would trigger a violent rampage.  Yet, I've always had an inexplicable fondness for my dad.  There were many times during my chil …

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The Sociopath as Coach, Part II

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Some sociopaths make the "best" coaches. At least, that's what everyone thinks at the time. So during the athletic banquet at the end of each season, people will often spend more time applauding this beloved individual than they do the young players on the team. Even if those players just broke six individual records. Parents will send "thank you" cards and gifts by the dozen to this coach. Particularly if he or she's also charming, humble, and from the same hometown. They'll talk constantly for weeks and even months about how happy they are that this particular coach came into their child's life. How this person changed everything. Built confidence. Gave a sense of accomplishment. …

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The Sociopath and His Dog

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I'll start by saying that the "his" in my title comes from the fact that this story is about my sociopathic male ex. That being said, I'm sure many of you can think of women who fit this unique description of an "animal lover." So let's begin. My ex loves to tell people how much he loves dogs. He'll also say he loves horses and sheep and cows and chickens and all other sorts of farm and wild animals, but dogs are tops. And there's something really unique about the way a sociopath "loves" a vulnerable creature. It's confusing, wonderful, horrifying, and most often blindsiding. Sometimes, it's even used to shame others. Like me. You see, a couple years ago, I had a little Frenchie-bulldog …

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The “Functional Female Sociopath”…..Good For Society?

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According to various opinions, not all sociopaths are created equal. There are the "non-functional" sociopaths (i.e., serial killers) and "functional" sociopaths (i.e., successful sociopaths).  The functional female sociopath uses her lack of empathy to annihilate those pesky male counterparts (or, frankly, anyone who gets in the way), paving the way for woman-kind. Yay them!  Right?   I mean, why can't functional female sociopaths be on the same playing field as functional male sociopaths?  Well, they can be.  And they are.  The last time I checked, evil is still evil.  You can put a dress suit and lipstick on it, or you can put starched collars and neckties on it, sociopathy is still a b …

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Faith After A Life With Sociopaths

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Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. When you've been entangled with sociopaths for a long period of time, few (if any) facets of your life are left untouched.   Becoming a person of faith has shown me how deeply my upbringing  has permeated my adult life. My sociopathic parents controlled my every move - dictating when I could bathe, eat, or sleep, what I could read, who I could be friends with (if any), what music I could listen to, what I could watch on TV.  Depending on how volatile their mood was, I'd have to ask permission to speak. In her book Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman states "The dam …

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Tell Me About Yourself!

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This request always left me at a loss for words.  It made me really uncomfortable.  Most of the time I would just state basic facts:  the city I grew up in, where I went to school, what my profession is.   I wasn't trying to be unfriendly.......I honestly had no idea how to answer this.  I only recently realized why this was so difficult for me. When you are raised by psychopaths, or in a relationship with a psychopath, the lines between their life and yours get blurred.  They swallow you up like a sinkhole.  Your desires, feelings, goals and interests no longer matter.  If the psychopath likes something, you'd better find a way to like it too.  If they think something is ridiculous, you'd …

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Beyond The Grave – Haunted By A Sociopathic Parent

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After being physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by sociopathic parents, I often wondered when the trauma would stop. Would it get better as they aged? Or would I be relentlessly tormented until they passed away? The answer:  neither.  After their passing, their legacy continued to haunt me. My father was the violent, malevolent sociopath.  Yet, my mother caused by far more pain.  You see, my mother was a master of deceit.   If you offended her (or worse, threatened to expose her), she would effortlessly spin webs of lies around you.  Incite her anger, and suddenly you are Alice in Wonderland - sucked into her rabbit hole where nothing is at it seems, wondering what just happe …

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