UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a woman who, unfortunately, must understand the rules for negotiating with a psychopath. Here's what she wrote: I have woken up to the fact that I am living among a nest of snakes. This includes my kids that I love. Can you recommend anything to read that helps with negotiating with a psychopath? They are so angry and so nasty. However, things "must" be worked out. Any suggestions on reading materials? The safest approach to take with a psychopath is not to negotiate at all, to get the person out of your life. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, especially when the psychopath is your spouse and you share …
Power imbalances in relationships with sociopaths
In sociology, there’s a concept called the “Principle of the Least Interest.” It’s an idea that starts to explain the power imbalances in relationships with sociopaths. The theory was developed in 1938 by a sociologist named Willard Waller. He said that when one relationship partner is more emotionally invested in the relationship than the other, the less involved partner has more power in the relationship. That less-interested person can make demands on the more-interested person, with the threat — either implicit or overt — that if the demands are not met, the relationship will end. That’s the basic idea. But it seems to me that when you’re dealing with a sociopath, it can get more compli …
Why sociopaths cheat
UPDATED FOR 2022. Lovefraud received an email from a reader whom we'll call "Ingrid." She brought up a question that I've heard over and over. Ingrid asked me why sociopaths cheat. Just wondering if you could tell me why sometimes they stay with others longer as I feel he wants this new woman for his main supply even though he was trying for a baby with me. What does a main supply have that I didn't? He seems settled with her. Ingrid, most sociopaths cheat on their romantic partners. In fact, they are often cheating throughout the entire relationship, but it may take you a while to find out about it. Or you may have caught hints that the sociopaths were cheating, but they were able …
Sociopaths and their multiple simultaneous manipulation strategies
UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud received the following question from a reader. She was unknowingly asking about sociopathic manipulation strategies. Here is what she wrote: My father was a nut job and so was my husband and now I am dating one — a psychopath. I just had this question — Do these men act like they do not want you around and push you away and make you feel so sad for them — making you feel like you failed them somehow — never do enough — and then suddenly you find yourself begging them to show you how much better you can do for them? I am sure the answer is yes — but I guess I just need confirmation. This reader, in one sentence, listed four different manipulation s …
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Reader’s Digest on how to spot romance scams
Reader’s Digest just published an article on spotting and escaping romance scams. Multiple experts contributed to the article — including me. The author sent me a list of questions; my answers are below. If you’re looking for love, I do recommend that you read the entire Reade’s Digest article — besides what I submitted, it includes many more helpful tips. How to spot romance scams: 7 telltale signs to watch out for What are romance scams? There are two basic types of romance scams. The first is the online swindle, in which perpetrators find someone online, seduce the target into falling in love with them, and then convince the target to send money. Often the perps and targets never meet …
What if you see some signs of a sociopath, but not all of them?
UPDATED FOR 2022. Editor's note: This is Part 1 of a two-part inquiry that Lovefraud recently received from a reader whom we'll call “Carlotta.” She asks important questions about the signs of a sociopath. I recently met and "dated" a man who turned out to be a sociopath. When I first met him I used your list of 10 signs of a sociopath to help me determine what I needed to do to protect myself if he should turn out to be a sociopath or worse. I wasn't too worried about him, because initially I noticed he had only 3 of the 10 traits. The notation with your list says if they have most or all of the traits they may be a sociopath. He turned out to be a sociopath so now I wonder if the spe …
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Why we comply with the sociopath’s demands when we know we shouldn’t
The cable TV network NewsNation recently interviewed me for a story about why some women help inmates bust out of jail. This is obviously wrong and illegal, but multiple people have done it (See Top 10 people who helped their lovers escape from prison.) Experts generally report that many prisoners are sociopaths—this is probably especially true of those who plot escapes. So the question is, why do people who know better comply with the sociopath's demands, including outrageous demands like escaping from prison? In the most recent jailbreak, Samuel Hartman, convicted of raping a nine-year-old child, escaped from an Arkansas prison work detail, allegedly with the help of his mother and wife. N …
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Sociopaths say you’re crazy – and you believe them
UPDATED FOR 2022. The sociopath behaves badly: Lying and then lying to cover up the lies. Disappearing for days without explanation. Draining your finances. Cheating and you have proof! Yet the sociopaths says you're crazy! You are understandably upset. Justifiably angry. Yet when you confront the perpetrator, not only does the sociopath deny, deny, deny, he or she says it never happened, you imagined it all, and you're paranoid. In fact, you're losing your mind! You should be committed! You are so confused that you think the sociopath may be right. Are you losing your mind? How does this happen? How does the sociopath lie, manipulate and deceive, yet you feel like you're the one …
How to protect yourself from sociopaths in 3 easy steps
UPDATED FOR 2022. Yes, you can protect yourself from sociopaths. You can stop them from coming into your life and causing serious damage. I'm going to tell you how to do it in three easy steps: Step 1 — Know that sociopaths exist Millions of sociopaths live among us. I am not exaggerating that number. I use the word "sociopath" as an umbrella term for four serious personality disorders. They are: Antisocial personality disorder /psychopathy Narcissistic personality disorder Borderline personality disorder Histrionic personality disorder Although there are clinical differences among these disorders, there are many similarities. People who have these disorders are usually …
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Suddenly he says his mom died — a sociopathic seduction strategy
You’re chatting or texting with your new romantic partner. You make plans to get together, and suddenly he says his mom died and he has to break the plans. You react to the tragedy with shock and sympathy. Of course, you understand, and you’ll be there when he needs you. But what if it’s not true? What if when he says his mom died, he was lying? This happened to a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call Charlene22. Her story is below. Names are changed. Lovefraud reader's story I met Rick on Tinder in early January. We sent only a few messages back and forth before he asked for my snapchat so we could communicate there instead. We continued to talk every day for about a week, and had plan …
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