Seduced by a sociopath

Many of us are inclined to help people when we are asked. But if the person doing the asking is a sociopath, the request for assistance may lead to outright exploitation. If you’re debating whether to help or not to help, pause and ask yourself these seven questions. The questions come from hard experience. For those of us who have been exploited by a sociopath, here’s a true but frustrating observation: They couldn’t have done it without our own cooperation. Yes, some sociopaths are complete criminals who rob people at gunpoint. But usually, sociopaths use manipulation. They love bomb, flatter and plead that we’re the only one who can help them. Unfortunately, they’re really good at convin …

To help or not to help — ask yourself these 7 questionsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2022: The goal of exploiters and manipulators is to bring us under their control. Here's one of their key strategies: Sociopaths use our self-image against us. We all have a mental picture of ourselves. We may think of ourselves as smart, kind, creative, professional, competent or loving. We may also have negative views of ourselves, such as disorganized, overweight, temperamental, fearful or lazy. Generally, our overall self-image is a collection of what we consider to be our assets and liabilities. According to the Cleveland Clinic, this mental picture is learned. They write: Self-image is a product of learning. Early childhood influences, such as parents and caregivers, …

Sociopaths use our self-image against usRead More

UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a woman who, unfortunately, must understand the rules for negotiating with a psychopath. Here's what she wrote: I have woken up to the fact that I am living among a nest of snakes. This includes my kids that I love. Can you recommend anything to read that helps with negotiating with a psychopath? They are so angry and so nasty. However, things "must" be worked out. Any suggestions on reading materials? The safest approach to take with a psychopath is not to negotiate at all, to get the person out of your life. Unfortunately, this is not always possible, especially when the psychopath is your spouse and you share …

12 rules for negotiating with a psychopathRead More

In sociology, there’s a concept called the “Principle of the Least Interest.” It’s an idea that starts to explain the power imbalances in relationships with sociopaths. The theory was developed in 1938 by a sociologist named Willard Waller. He said that when one relationship partner is more emotionally invested in the relationship than the other, the less involved partner has more power in the relationship. That less-interested person can make demands on the more-interested person, with the threat — either implicit or overt — that if the demands are not met, the relationship will end. That’s the basic idea. But it seems to me that when you’re dealing with a sociopath, it can get more compli …

Power imbalances in relationships with sociopathsRead More

  UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud received the following question from a reader. She was unknowingly asking about sociopathic manipulation strategies. Here is what she wrote: My father was a nut job and so was my husband and now I am dating one — a psychopath. I just had this question — Do these men act like they do not want you around and push you away and make you feel so sad for them — making you feel like you failed them somehow — never do enough — and then suddenly you find yourself begging them to show you how much better you can do for them? I am sure the answer is yes — but I guess I just need confirmation. This reader, in one sentence, listed four different manipulation s …

Sociopaths and their multiple simultaneous manipulation strategiesRead More

Reader’s Digest just published an article on spotting and escaping romance scams. Multiple experts contributed to the article — including me. The author sent me a list of questions; my answers are below. If you’re looking for love, I do recommend that you read the entire Reade’s Digest article — besides what I submitted, it includes many more helpful tips. How to spot romance scams: 7 telltale signs to watch out for What are romance scams? There are two basic types of romance scams. The first is the online swindle, in which perpetrators find someone online, seduce the target into falling in love with them, and then convince the target to send money. Often the perps and targets never meet …

Reader’s Digest on how to spot romance scamsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2022. The sociopath behaves badly: Lying and then lying to cover up the lies. Disappearing for days without explanation. Draining your finances. Cheating and you have proof! Yet the sociopaths says you're crazy! You are understandably upset. Justifiably angry. Yet when you confront the perpetrator, not only does the sociopath deny, deny, deny, he or she says it never happened, you imagined it all, and you're paranoid. In fact, you're losing your mind! You should be committed! You are so confused that you think the sociopath may be right. Are you losing your mind? How does this happen? How does the sociopath lie, manipulate and deceive, yet you feel like you're the one …

Sociopaths say you’re crazy – and you believe themRead More