Recovery from a sociopath

Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as "Salvation2012." Thank you for helping me decide when I needed to cut my losses during my divorce. I did cut my "losses," yet the total I received tallied up to a number similar, just not in all cash. Because I settled in his eyes, he told everyone I was just proving how I was the guilty one and didn't want to risk being exposed. To the end he will deny permanently injuring me and bleeding me of money, and cheating on me (which I only later found out about the extent). My recent concern is watching him seemingly have no consequences. I'm not a vengeful person, so this is a distressing area for me, but I just thought karma …

What do we do when sociopaths experience no consequences?Read More

By Eleanor Cowan I felt heavy as I awakened this morning. A toxic punch followed by a few slaps of self-recrimination are tossed with tuning forks—all delivered by myself to me. “No!” I say as I have for the past thirty years. I swing my legs out of bed and onto the solid oak floor. My gold filigreed daily planner is right where its supposed to be. I will never erase my actual history of having married a pedophile who molested first his siblings and then our children. His crafty, conscienceless siphoning of my time, energy, money and support for fourteen years can never be expunged. I can never, ever erase his small daily cruelties that sadly, I got used to tolerating, little by litt …

After the sociopath, managing how my brain manages traumaRead More

By Eleanor Cowan During our coffee break at our desks, my co-volunteer at a local community center, a fundamentalist religious whom I'll call "Barb," asked, in a warm manner, if this was the week I’d finally accept her invitation to attend her evening sacred text group. On four previous occasions, I’d declined her invite. This time Barb pressed me for a “viable reason.” I quoted Timothy 2:12, “A woman must learn in quietness and full submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man; she is to remain quiet.” Barb, an anxious older woman, replied that every such word, phrase or sentiment can be interpreted with the help of a knowledgeable theologian. Sh …

Our need to belong can lead to exploitationRead More

I am currently working on a book about senior sociopaths — how disordered people behave when they are over the age of 50. I've collected a lot of data about the experiences of Lovefraud readers with these individuals — perhaps you completed my previous survey. One of the topics I'd like to address in the book is how to deal with this type of person. So I ask you: If you have, or had, a sociopath who was 50 years old or older in your life, how did you escape, cope or move on? What techniques or strategies did you use to manage destructive behavior or get the person out of your life? I'm looking for information in the context of any type of relationship: Romantic Partner Parent …

Lovefraud Survey: How did you deal with a senior sociopath?Read More

The story of Little Red Riding Hood is a great metaphor for a relationship with a sociopath. In the end, victims of sociopaths often feel destroyed or damaged in some profound way. Some are brutalized financially, others physically, and almost all are hurt, compromised, or undone emotionally and psychologically. The experience is often described as identity eroding or soul destroying. Many victims develop chronic post-traumatic stress disorder. For some, recovery is elusive. For others, it is long and hard. Too many of us were taught, "There's good in everyone." To those of us who have been taught that there is good in everyone, these views about sociopaths seem unfathomable. …

Being taught “There’s good in everyone,” blinds us to the true nature of sociopathsRead More

By Eleanor Cowan My throat, arms, and legs felt swollen. Not for the first time, the thought occurred: “Death would be an instant relief.” I could hardly walk. Heavy with grief, a searing acidic ache in my stomach, I arrived at the weekend retreat held by a support group for those affected by the addictions of a loved one. Assigned to a tiny room the size of a storage cupboard in the small community college, I dropped the worn backpack I’d hastily stuffed with an old nightie, soap, and toothbrush. I chose a seminar among those offered on the agenda lying on the desk and stumbled to it. What was going on for me? I’d met someone. It had been five years since I’d left my sex-addict pedophi …

Healing old pain through a new disordered relationshipRead More