Recovery from a sociopath

Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader who posts as "Salvation2012." Thank you for helping me decide when I needed to cut my losses during my divorce. I did cut my "losses," yet the total I received tallied up to a number similar, just not in all cash. Because I settled in his eyes, he told everyone I was just proving how I was the guilty one and didn't want to risk being exposed. To the end he will deny permanently injuring me and bleeding me of money, and cheating on me (which I only later found out about the extent). My recent concern is watching him seemingly have no consequences. I'm not a vengeful person, so this is a distressing area for me, but I just …

What we should do when sociopaths experience no consequencesRead More

What sociopaths do to us is unfair, coercive, exploitative and evil. In a just world, they would be held accountable. They would be forced to return what they took from us, and compensate us for the pain and suffering they have caused. They might even be prosecuted and imprisoned. But we do not live in a just world. We live in a world that is oblivious to the human predators among us. We live in a world where clueless people believe a convincing liar; the best performer wins and courts have neither the time nor the inclination to sort out the truth from the lies. For all of us who have been targeted, this adds insult to injury. We've been abused and exploited. We are damaged. Then because …

Recovery – parallel courses for moving forwardRead More

While in the height of conflict with psychopaths or those with psychopathic features, sometimes, we scare people. I don't mean Halloween "scary costume" scary.  I don't mean "things that go bump in the night" scary.  No, I mean "take a look at yourself" scary.  There are those around us who will see us go through what we do, and back away, simply because they realize that what we are experiencing or have experienced is just too strange and horrible to handle. Maybe they don't understand.  Maybe they don't know what to say to us, as this is a special type of trauma.  Often, some of us give others a "pass" for those reasons.  That is perfectly understandable.  However, I believe that there are …

Why are some people scared of us?Read More

Master Sgt. James Haskell, an Air Force gunner, was one of the first responders of 9/11, flying over Ground Zero as it smoldered below. A year later, he sought help for PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. He describes what he experienced and why he went for counseling. Many Lovefraud readers who were in relationships with sociopaths have exactly the same symptoms. PTSD: Many struggle, few tell, on Holoman.af.mil. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

PTSD from the military perspectiveRead More

Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." After the sociopathic ex left our marital home, I fell into a vortex of fear, panic, anxiety, and desperation that I had previously never even imagined to exist. At that time, I was unemployed and extremely sick from the autoimmune disorder that had laid me low years before. I was left with no income, no access to joint accounts, no computer to check said accounts, a mortgage that was being "accelerated" into foreclosure, a car loan and utilities that were all in arrears of no less than 3 months, and change in a glass jar. The financial arrears were a complete surprise I had no idea that these accounts were …

Acceptance: I don’t have to like the situation, but I recognize the truth of what it isRead More

When in recovery from a relationship with an individual with psychopathic traits, we must plan for the fact that little will go according to any sort of reasonable plan.  When dealing with these individuals, one of the most difficult things we must accept is our lack of ability to predict the timing of their surprise attacks.  This does not mean that we must live in fear.  However, it means that for our own emotional and physical security, we must be aware and ready for almost anything. I learned fairly quickly that if I wanted to thrive, or merely just survive, it was what I had to do.  I am not unique in that way.  I had to learn to expect the police at my door for unnecessary wellness c …

Dealing with the predictably unpredictableRead More

Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." When I was trying to process the facts about my eldest son, I sought counseling therapy. This was on the heels of having been stalked and harassed by a would-be business partner. At that time, I was what is termed today as a "hot mess." I was attempting to run a commercial art business and was in such a state of hypervigilance and fear-based anxiety that I was unable to function. The counselor was cursory with my issues and ended my treatment after the insurance-allotted number of sessions. I didn't feel that I had accomplished any work with her, though she did allow me to rant and rave about my …

Revisiting Counseling TherapyRead More