Thank you very much for all the comments and emails I have received since my last post. I am so glad that I'm able to make a difference, and I'm deeply honoured to be part of this amazing site. This week's writing has been prompted by something in my personal life — I hope you like it. Happy Birthday It's just turned midnight on my son's sixteenth birthday as I sit down to write this week's article. I am so very proud of him, and am constantly amazed at the depth of wisdom, strength and kindness in such a young man. When I look back at the day just two and a half years earlier when I had to sit him down and tell him the truth about the man who had been his step father since just before …
Hurricanes, terror and sociopaths
Once again, I was terrified that my life was going to collapse. Eleven years ago, my fear was caused by my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. Because of him, my savings had been wiped out, I was overloaded with credit card debt and my business was decimated. I was fighting him in court, and even when I won, it didn't matter. The court ordered him to pay me, and he ignored the order. I got nothing. I had been well and truly betrayed. I berated myself for my stupidity in believing his grandiose schemes. My relations with family members were strained—they also thought I was stupid. I was 44 years old, and facing the fact that I'd never have the only thing I thought that I wanted in …
Reaching Out And Healing
Today I would like to reach out to everyone here on this site. I have been deeply touched by your comments and on-going conversations, and I feel so much of the pain and confusion that many of you are still experiencing. Your stories resonate so strongly with me on numerous levels — because I've been there too. I know how it feels. I ache for each and every one of you who is currently going through the heartbreak and insanity. And I'm here to tell you, today, that it WILL get better. You WILL come through — particularly with the help and support of sites like this — and there WILL come a time when you can look back at where you are now, recognize all you have achieved and give yourself a huge …
It Must Be Me…
Thank you so much for all the kind comments following my last post”¦ I'm glad that people are able to connect with what I am saying. It brings me great joy to feel part of this community — thank you for welcoming me so warmly. This week I have decided to write about something that I've been discussing over the past couple of days with my great friend Beatrix, who was also married to a charming sociopath. She is, of course, part of the sister and brotherhood who've been there seen it and got the T-shirt. We've known each other for many years, and our conversations, quite naturally, often focus on our experiences and subsequent education about personality disorders. So last night we were dis …
Actions speak louder than words… or do they?
This week two people contacted me, both adult daughters of sociopaths. In one case her father and in the other case her mother has psychopathic personality traits. Interestingly, both disordered parents claim to be “Christian” and the theme of our discussions was the disparity between what the parent says and what they do. Both women shared the belief that this disconnect between words and action is particularly damaging to children. I agree with this assertion because I have also seen it in other cases. Why would the disconnect between words and actions be so damaging to children? Consciousness develops gradually during childhood. Consciousness means connecting words, thoughts and fee …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the Internet predator
Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following update from a reader who we called “Greta.” Hi Donna: I previously emailed you my story and you posted it on June 23, 2011 under Letters to Lovefraud: Hooked by an Internet predator. This is an update to my story. As I wrote to you last, according to his previous girlfriend in Italy that keeps in touch with me, my ex, the predator, had persuaded a church in Florida to buy him a bus ticket to New York City. The homeless shelter in New York City assisted him through Immigration to get a ticket back to Holland. After the FBI, CIA, and Interpol completed their investigations, Immigration issued him an airline ticket back to Ams …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the Internet predatorRead More
To The Sociopath – A Message Of Defiance
There are so many inspiring posts and true stories that are shared here on this forum, and I thought I'd like to share with you an open message that I sent to my ex when I discovered he had been reading my blog. For me, it was another of those defining moments. I had a choice, you see. My habitual response would have been to shut down, keep quiet and stop sharing my journey with the world. The knowledge that he once again had access to my inner thoughts instantly brought back the familiar feelings of fear and uncertainty — together with the still haunting shame that I'd fallen so heavily for his poisonous charms. The fact that, despite my love, he had systematically stripped me of everything …
When our strengths become our downfall
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I've been reading some interesting books lately by some very interesting researchers in the field of psychology—Dr. Barbara Oakley dealing with the themes of altruism, Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen on empathy, and others who are trying to discover what makes people altruistic and how empathy (or lack of it) affects how we behave toward our fellow men. I've come to some interesting conclusions concerning my own part in my abuse by multiple people who were/are high in psychopathic traits, and very low in empathy, compassion and altruistic behavior. I have wondered about my own ability to repeatedly “explain away” the abusive behavior that I experienced from family m …
Breaking The Silence
I am loving the honesty, support and wisdom shared by members of this community - and I feel deeply honoured to be here. Lovefraud is such a safe place, such a help to all of us whose lives have been touched by a sociopath. And your comments have inspired me to write about something I call the ”˜code of silence' this week. Something that, in my experience, exists among so many of us who have experienced abuse. Let's make no bones about it - escaping from a controlling or abusive relationship is difficult enough. Accepting the truth that you've been treated so badly is even harder. But having to explain what happened to other people is excruciatingly humiliating. Particularly when they wi …
Inactivity to calm the suffering
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Shocknawe As a fellow victim of a spath, I've been both heartened and heartbroken by the stories told on Lovefraud. Also, like many of us here, I have a natural inclination to feel for others and to do what I can to support and assist in whatever way I can to help ease others' difficulties that's a key reason we were targeted in the first place, isn't it? My experience has caused me to try to understand the nature of suffering and what can be done about it. So if the members will indulge me, I'd like to share some thoughts that have come to me as I continue to …