Recovery from a sociopath

By Ox Drover Someone was talking about how she should have seen what her ex-significant other was up to with all of his sweet words. He was in prison, and telling her how he had changed and found the light and how wonderful things would be when he got out. She knew what he had done to get in there, the bad acts he had committed, but she chose to believe his “sincere remorse.” Now she wanted to know why she had been so stupid. She wasn't “stupid—”she was using denial to protect herself from something so painful the thought of it “scared her to death.” Years ago, when I was married the first time, my husband and I were friends with a couple. I felt close friendship with both the man an …

Denial is a protective deviceRead More

Editor's note: The following guest post was written by Bruce Rubenstein, M.D., a psychiatrist based in New York City. Knowing how I know myself, and others ”¦ By Bruce Rubenstein, M.D. Introduction In this piece, when referring to psychopaths, sociopaths, the personality disordered, malignant narcissists, etc, I shall refer to them as pronouns in italics, as I believe they are all one and the same on a continuum. The various widely used terms to designate them (e.g., sociopath, malignant narcissist, etc.), mostly all clinical in derivation, all carry with them associations and assumptions of which I believe much is incorrect and misleading. So rather than evoking those ass …

How to clarify your thinking about disordered personalitiesRead More

By Ox Drover After reading Steve Becker's article yesterday, I commented that most of the articles here on Lovefraud that could be entitled “1001 Things I Did Wrong in Dealing with a Psychopath” were the ones that applied most to my own dealings with them. That was meant as a joke, but after I left that comment for Steve, I got to thinking about how right-on it was, joke or not, because I have done so much wrong in dealing with these people. I got my self deeper and deeper into trouble, doing the wrong things in interacting with them. Not that I was intentionally doing something mean or “wrong” per se, but I didn't make choices that led to positive outcomes in dealing with the psychop …

1001 Things I Did Wrong In Dealing with a PsychopathRead More

By Ox Drover I got to thinking the other day about how our strength and ability to carry an emotional load of “stress” is sort of like a long-distance walk or ride or race. People who travel in various long distance endurance races, or just for their own purposes, have to limit the amount of weight that they carry. Some people who do long distances on foot even cut the handle off their toothbrushes to reduce the load they have to carry by even a fraction of an ounce. If I had to carry a five pound sack of flour to our local post office, which is about three miles away from my farm, up and down several steep hills, I could do it without a great deal of time involved, but would probably l …

Traveling the distanceRead More

By Ox Drover I slipped into an unhealthy lifestyle after my husband died six years ago. Slowly I let things deteriorate until I had gained a significant amount of weight, about 10 pounds a year. I started to feel bad and wasn't really sure just why, but in the back of my mind I knew I had ignored the “red flags” of that needle on my scale creeping up. I had been in “denial” with, “Oh, it's just a couple of pounds.” Many times I have realized that my life has been “out of whack” just a little bit at a time, that I have been doing unhealthy things that didn't immediately impact my life dramatically, but just a “little bit at a time.” Like a bucket filling up one drop at a time, eventually …

Don’t call it a diet–call it a lifestyle changeRead More

By The Front Porch Talker My father was a sociopath. He was many other things too. To my mother—and the world—he was an alcoholic and a sex addict. In those days, back in the sixties and seventies, they didn't use the word, "sociopath." Things were more black-and-white: either you were a psychopath, like, say, Richard Speck, the man who killed those nurses back in the day; or, you were an average American. To the world, my father was an average American who, by all appearances, was normal. Well, except for the booze and sex”¦ My mother, on the other hand, while also an alcoholic, just viewed herself as a bundle-of-nerves. And, a victim of my father who, as I found out forty years later, …

Sociopaths and My Life as a World Ambassador: ‘My Mother, Myself’Read More