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Why can’t I leave? 5 years with a malignant narcissist
I was in a 5 year relationship with a malignant narc.  When I first laid eyes on him, I was infatuated!! But he was married, and I don’t mess with married men.  A few years later I ran into him and he was single, so I asked him out and the rest is history. Our first date he took me to a party in the middle of nowhere, and left me sit there all night by myself.  I should have run at that moment and never looked back. Then we went back to his house and had sex, yes on the first date!!! A few weeks later, he made it official that we were a couple, and I was elated!! I moved in with him 2 weeks after our first date.  Everything was wonderful, I couldn’t get enough of this man. It was bliss fo …
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How to date after a narcissist, sociopath or other exploiter
When you're thinking about starting to date after a narcissist, sociopath or other exploiter, the last thing you need to hear is some so-called expert telling you to fix your low self-esteem. I just read an article on PsychCentral, and the author says the reason you attracted a narcissist in the first place is because you lack confidence. Hello?? I, for one, was not lacking in self-esteem when my sociopathic ex waltzed into my life. I've heard from plenty of successful, accomplished men and women who also found themselves in relationships with disordered individuals. Self-esteem is not the issue. So what is the issue? Actually there are three: Lack of awareness We fall for …
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Video: After they’re gone, do sociopaths or narcissists return?
The sociopath is gone. Either you were dumped, or you finally threw him or her out. Now what? After they're gone, do sociopaths or narcissists return? You may feel like you're in shock, especially if your sociopathic partner abruptly discarded you, after days, months, or perhaps even years of saying that you were meant for each other. Or perhaps you finally got up the nerve to end the involvement. Your partner is gone, but your resolve is unsteady. What if he or she showed up again? Can you stand strong? I address these questions in the newest Lovefraud Lessons video: Do sociopaths return? I explain why sociopaths may return, and what you should do. To learn more about what to do …
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As Valentine’s Day approaches: Why was I betrayed by the sociopath?
When you're single, Valentine's Day is rough. I know, because from my teenage years through age 40, I never had a romance going on Valentine's Day. I was lonely, and loneliness sets you up as a fat, juicy target for a sociopath. The commercialization of the holiday doesn't help. When you're "between relationships," all the advertising for jewelry, flowers and special restaurant menus is painful — a constant reminder that romance is missing from your life. When I was alone, I couldn't figure it out. I was reasonably attractive, nice, considerate, successful, active and loved to have fun. What was the problem? Why couldn't I get a date? So there I was, single and about to turn 40, w …
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After the breakup, do sociopaths return?
Here's a question I hear frequently from Lovefraud readers: Do sociopaths return? The answer: Some of them don't, but some of them do. Many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths experienced the sudden "devalue and discard." One day the sociopath loves you. The next day the sociopath tosses you aside like a used tissue and walks away, without ever looking back. As the person left behind, you may be in shock. You may have had no idea that your partner was unhappy. You may ask yourself, did I do something wrong? Why didn't he or she say something? Can't we work this out? You are also astounded at the callousness of your partner's behavior. All those statements …
Find healing from the sociopath in the holiday spirit
For the first time in our 17 years together, my husband, Terry Kelly, and I, visited New York City during the holiday season. It was far more magical than I anticipated. At the Birdland jazz club, we saw David and the Bombshells, a retro, 1930s-style band with three female singers (the Bombshells). Then, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, we saw 20-foot Christmas tree surrounded by a gorgeous, 18th-century Nativity Creche. After that, we visited the Christmas tree Rockefeller Plaza — a 72-foot tall Norway spruce decorated with thousands of LED lights. Then came the best part — the Christmas Spectacular show at Radio City Music Hall, featuring the high-kicking Radio City Roc …
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The sociopath as your soul mate
A few years ago, I read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which was the #1 New York Times bestseller when it was published in 2007. Gilbert tells her story of supposedly having everything career, marriage, home yet feeling depressed and unhappy. She left it all, got a divorce, and then spent a year abroad to find herself. She ate her way through Italy, studied spiritual practice in India, and sought to balance pleasure and divinity in Indonesia. While going through her divorce, Gilbert had a relationship with a man whom she calls "David." This didn't seem to be a sociopathic relationship, just normally dysfunctional. Although they broke up, Gilbert, from time to time, pined for David. …
With gratitude on Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving to all Lovefraud readers! On this special day, I am grateful for: All of you Lovefraud readers, who so generously share your stories, support and advice to new survivors who visit our site. All of Lovefraud's talented webinar instructors, who share their expertise and wisdom to help you overcome your challenges. Our talented webmaster, Dave Rodrigues, who solves our technical problems. (If you tried to visit yesterday and Lovefraud was down, it is because we were under attack by multiple IP addresses. We have no idea why.) My wonderful husband, Terry Kelly, who offers wonderful support for me and all of Lovefraud. (He also made a killer Pumpkin Chiffon Mousse …
Dr. Laura Rubiales: Addressing fatigue after a social predator
By Laura Rubiales, ND, LAc If you find yourself drained and tired after an experience or relationship with a social predator, these are my suggestions: Cut all ties with them and those with whom you will get the social predator’s manipulation. Try to reach some kind of emotional neutrality about the situation so you are not giving them your mental and emotional energy anymore. A skilled therapist can be invaluable in this process. I understand that this is much easier said than done when the predator was an intimate partner or affected your safety in the world. See if you can revitalize yourself with activities that recharge and soothe you…. Mine are yoga classes, time in nature, naps, …
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