How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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FREE introduction to ‘Skills training for recovery from narcissistic abuse’

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UPDATED FOR 2025 WITH NEW GROUP DISCUSSIONS. Lovefraud is pleased to announce new group discussions for our webinar series called, Skills training for recovery from narcissistic abuse, gaslighting and toxic stress, presented by Liane Leedom, M.D. How do you recover from the abuse and trauma inflicted by a narcissist, antisocial or psychopath? In this 13-session program, Dr. Leedom helps you develop the skills to clear your head, deal with stress, gain control of your emotions and create deal with sociopathic behavior. Get started with a FREE introductory session: FREE! Your first step towards real recovery from narcissistic abuse and trauma Highlights About Dr. Liane …

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To survive a sociopath, we sometimes act like a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2025. I almost didn't recognize myself. There I was, plotting with my cheating husband's mistress to steal money from his bank account. I was acting like a sociopath, although at the time I didn't know that my husband was a sociopath. Before I married James Montgomery, I never would have considered such an action.  But after he convinced me to blow $227,000 on his ridiculous business schemes, and after I discovered that my entire marriage was a scam, I was angry, broke and desperate. I did what I had to do to survive. Maybe because of your own entanglement with a sociopath, you've found yourself doing things that you never, ever did before. This happened to …

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After the sociopath, how to mend your broken heart

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Sociopaths do not have the ability to love — but they’re really good at faking it. That’s one of the many true statements that I made in my TEDx talk. I was censored by TED — I don’t know why — so I finally re-recorded my speech and posted it on Youtube. I hope to warn you that sociopaths live among us, so you can protect yourself. But what if you’ve already encountered a sociopath? What if you’ve been deceived and betrayed, and you don’t know how or why it happened? What if you’re still in shock, or angry at yourself, or stuck in grief over the loss of your dreams? How to mend your broken heart In my view, mending your broken heart is a process. It includes three broad categories of …

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Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memories

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UPDATED FOR 2024. I spent three Christmases with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. Every one of them was stressful, unhappy, worrisome and bereft of joyful holiday spirit. Now, however, I've recovered, and my Christmases are happy and loving. You, too, can recover. I promise. Here are my stories of Christmas Past: Christmas 1996 We had known each other for five months. We'd already had a secret wedding in Australia with his friends and family. For friends and family in New Jersey, we were planning another wedding in January, complete with bridesmaids, a fancy reception for 60 guests and a six-piece band. Montgomery had already blown through $50,000 of my money and credit, …

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After the sociopath, proud of my healing

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It was a weeknight in 1996. My talented teenage daughter sat at the kitchen table, dutifully doing homework important to her. Meanwhile, at 48 years old, I was behind my closed bedroom door, on my bed, chain-smoking and weeping on the phone to friends who generously gave me their time. "How can this be?" I lamented. "Last week, I felt so loved, like everything was falling into place. And now, with a few snide remarks about my ‘failure to comprehend basic math’ and other cruel criticisms, here I am again. How can this be?" I swallowed another TUMS tablet, trying to ease the acidic ache in my stomach. For two long pre-Lovefraud.com, pre-YouTube years, friends gave me their time, lis …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This is the time for me to learn who I am

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Adelade." After the sociopath, she says, this is the time to learn who she is. Since the collapse of my second marriage, I have learned more than I would ever have wanted to know about sociopathy and their source targets - better known as, "victims." At one point, I had believed that my second marriage was stable, trust-based, and supportive, but I have recounted the years and the stunning discoveries that I made about my ex, and the symptoms (or, Red Flags) were all there, though they were more subtle and the absence of physical abuse, helped to frame the ex's facade. Through some …

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When you discover the appalling truth, do not confront the sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. You've felt like something was off about your romantic partner for a long time, but you could never quite figure out what it was. Then, suddenly and harshly, you learn the truth. You discover that this person is cheating on you. Or forged your signature to open up credit cards. Or has kids you never knew about. Or is only pretending to go to work every day. Or is married to someone else. However it happened, you learn that your partner is betraying you. Your first instinct is to confront your partner and demand answers. DON'T DO IT. When you learn what is really going on, the best thing you can do is nothing, at least temporarily. Do not lash out. Instead, no matter how …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: To the liar named SHAME!

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following was sent to Lovefraud by the reader who posts as “Adelle.” She realized she was listening to a liar named shame, and banished it from her life. Looking back now, I realize how much damage SHAME can do. Of course the Spaths do the damage but along the way we pick up things that we think keep us safe.  These things that we cling to so tightly do exactly the opposite of what we think they do. Shame was one of my worst enemies in my SP experience. I didn't want anyone to know, what would they say? What would they think of me? They won't believe me! When I finally started telling people about my experience, I got the occasional, “Not you …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it!

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following post was submitted by the Lovefraud reader “Adelle.” We often hear the saying, “If the shoe fits wear it.” We all know people are not referring to a shoe. In other words, if the description fits you, own up to it. If someone calls you a fool, and you think you are a fool, then wear that title! If someone calls you a hypocrite and you agree, wear it, you are a hypocrite. But when this phrase is used, it isn't usually given to you as an option. It is usually used as a weapon of accusation. With evil, with intent to hurt. For example, “Are you calling me a liar?” Response: “Well, if the shoe fits wear it.” The person hearing this phrase is usu …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Thoughts about All Alone

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we'll call “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence. ALL ALONE All Alone, I am lying on the floor, all "woe is me," the man who promised to love me lied. I can't find a friend and my own mother's phone doesn't work. All Alone, I'm crying on this floor. All Alone, I notice I am still here. I am sad, but still here, and I've protected my dog that he threatened. My dog is still here. And my body is healthy, even after it has been thrown and bruised, I can still GET UP. All Alone, I feel my feet, I wiggle my toes. All Alone, the tears stop falling, and I loo …

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