Recovery from a sociopath

By Eleanor Cowan I was eleven years old.  “Do you know what you are? asked Mother, thrusting open my bedroom door to find me, as she knew she would, in a predictable spot reading a predictable book. “I’ll tell you who. You’re a big, fat, lazy nothing.” Waving her souvenir from Mexico, a horsewhip, she flicked my hair up at the back as I hit the stairs to begin new tasks. Even though I weighed less than a hundred pounds, even though my chores were done and I’d earned the right to read for awhile, I did not defend myself.  There was no talking back, no disrespect, no arguing. Only one rehearsed sentence was permitted. I said it: “Yes, mother? What can I do to help?” Standing up for myself would …

Never Good Enough (My childhood adaptation to abuse)Read More

Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 45D: Whack-A-Mole Returns The next morning, I wrote furiously in a journal that I had started to keep only recently at the recommendation of a friend. More pieces of the puzzle fell into place, my hand barely able to keep pace with my thoughts. What kind of person would manipulate his spouse as Paul had done over the past two years and probably even before that, perhaps even from t …

Understanding someone is a sociopath brings clarityRead More

Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: How do I process a relationship that had so many lies in it that I don't know really with whom I was involved? I miss the person I thought I knew so much, but at the same time, he was involved with someone else, and others, since at least last June. I thought he had had one affair—but not anything to the extent that it looks like now. How do I process a relationship I never had? Was he lying the whole time acting out the "I love you's", the romantic comments, and the idea that we should be together? Is it all an act? Most of us are reading and posting on Lovefraud because we were intensely, callously, brutally deceived i …

Getting over the relationship that didn’t existRead More

Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: I have a question for you. I've been divorced for 3 years now from my ex-husband who had a porn addiction. I've tried the Internet dating sites on and off since, and have had nothing but bad experiences. What do you suggest I do/ how do I go about finding someone? I am really lonely and would like to have a man in my life. However, I'm so afraid of attracting the wrong kind still. If you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. If you've had a run-in with a sociopath, before attempting to date again, you must first heal yourself. If you're feeling lonely and afraid, it is an indication that you are not yet healed. I …

How to attract a new relationship after the sociopathRead More

If after dealing with a sociopath you're feeling stuck, even trapped, in your life, EFT Tapping can help you break free and move forward. It's an amazing technique that can heal deep emotional wounds, calm PTSD, and overcome health problems. I'm not kidding. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. Tapping is what you do with your fingers, you tap specific accupressure points, mostly on your face, while bringing to mind the situation that you want to address. This changes the energetic connection between your memory or perception of the situation and specific structures in your brain. When the energy changes, your life changes.   This stuff works. I've used it myself, and I've …

Learn to use EFT Tapping to heal your life – FREE 10-day online summit starts 2/27Read More

Book Review: Healing from Hidden Abuse, by Shannon Thomas, LCSW Review by Donna Andersen Mind games everyone who has tangled with a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist or other exploiter knows them. The sociopath makes a statement, and then denies ever saying the words. You call out the sociopath's bad behavior, and it's all turned around on you. And the lies well, the objective of lies is to poison your perceptions. The more formal term for this destructive behavior is psychological abuse. And now there's a book that explains exactly what psychological abuse is, why perpetrators engage in it, and the steps of recovery. Healing from Hidden Abuse —A Journey Through the Stages of R …

Identifying and recovering from psychological abuseRead More

Just about every day, Lovefraud receives e-mail from readers who are looking for answers about confusing, contradictory and abusive behavior exhibited by people in their lives. The new readers don't understand what they are dealing with; they just tell, either in a few paragraphs or lengthy compositions, their stories. The e-mails describe some or many of the following behaviors: Pathological lying Pity plays Shallow emotions Devalue and discard Cheating or promiscuity Addiction to drugs or alcohol Controlling demands Financial irresponsibility Manipulation of children Broken promises Claims of “you made me do it” Pleas of “I'll never do it again” The …

Identifying sociopathic behavior is easy; giving advice is hardRead More