Crikey, I've been having a funny old time of it recently, I can assure you! Mum would always ask me to qualify that kind of statement with the question "Funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?" and the truth is that this time it's been a pretty equal mix of both. So I'll stick with what I just said, yep it sure has been a funny old time... Those of you who follow my blog will know that my roller-coaster life has once again kicked up a gear - and with that of course has come a few surprises. After my story appeared in the Daily Mail, I have been inundated with messages; from people thanking me for sharing my story as well as from media people keen to interview me. All good stuff, all confirmation t …
PTSD from the military perspective
Master Sgt. James Haskell, an Air Force gunner, was one of the first responders of 9/11, flying over Ground Zero as it smoldered below. A year later, he sought help for PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. He describes what he experienced and why he went for counseling. Many Lovefraud readers who were in relationships with sociopaths have exactly the same symptoms. PTSD: Many struggle, few tell, on Holoman.af.mil. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Acceptance: I don’t have to like the situation, but I recognize the truth of what it is
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." After the sociopathic ex left our marital home, I fell into a vortex of fear, panic, anxiety, and desperation that I had previously never even imagined to exist. At that time, I was unemployed and extremely sick from the autoimmune disorder that had laid me low years before. I was left with no income, no access to joint accounts, no computer to check said accounts, a mortgage that was being "accelerated" into foreclosure, a car loan and utilities that were all in arrears of no less than 3 months, and change in a glass jar. The financial arrears were a complete surprise I had no idea that these accounts were …
Acceptance: I don’t have to like the situation, but I recognize the truth of what it isRead More
Dealing with the predictably unpredictable
When in recovery from a relationship with an individual with psychopathic traits, we must plan for the fact that little will go according to any sort of reasonable plan. When dealing with these individuals, one of the most difficult things we must accept is our lack of ability to predict the timing of their surprise attacks. This does not mean that we must live in fear. However, it means that for our own emotional and physical security, we must be aware and ready for almost anything. I learned fairly quickly that if I wanted to thrive, or merely just survive, it was what I had to do. I am not unique in that way. I had to learn to expect the police at my door for unnecessary wellness c …
Revisiting Counseling Therapy
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." When I was trying to process the facts about my eldest son, I sought counseling therapy. This was on the heels of having been stalked and harassed by a would-be business partner. At that time, I was what is termed today as a "hot mess." I was attempting to run a commercial art business and was in such a state of hypervigilance and fear-based anxiety that I was unable to function. The counselor was cursory with my issues and ended my treatment after the insurance-allotted number of sessions. I didn't feel that I had accomplished any work with her, though she did allow me to rant and rave about my …
Healing is a journey
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I've written here many times that I used to think that healing was a place we arrived at and that once we got there “everything would be wonderful.” I have learned in my latest tangles with the multiple psychopaths in my life that healing is NOT a place that we arrive at, but it is a Journey. I have no doubt looking back at my relationship with my P-sperm donor that I had PTSD when I escaped from his clutches at least alive, which is more than some of his victims have done. I was 19 and had no one to advise me. Looking back, I wanted to talk to people about this trauma and no one seemed to either believe or care. Even my Egg Donor didn't believe a word …
Our “crazy” friends and associates: discounting us by dismissing them
Those of us who have been in abusive relationships know all too well what it feels like to be discounted. We may have been told that our beliefs are ridiculous, our thoughts off kilter, and been made fun of for having them. We may have encountered ethnic or racial slurs, made by those who should have been the last to utter such words. After all, belittle our very core, the parts of us that we can do nothing about, and we may really turn into putty. We have also probably spent countless hours being ignored, which signals us that we were not worthy of the abuser's time or attention. As a result, over time, even we may begin to question out own judgment, value, and abilities. The list ca …
Our “crazy” friends and associates: discounting us by dismissing themRead More
The shame and blame game
All conscientious people, when there's a problem in a relationship, take a look inside eventually to see where their fault or responsibility lies. In a good couple relationship, you might have a fight over something, but then at some point, you talk about it and get a different understanding of where your partner was coming from, which can change your perspective. You might realize you reacted because it pushed some sort of button in you, perhaps some experience from your past, or you misinterpreted something. In this interchange, both people in a mutually caring relationship should eventually take responsibility for their part of the conflict. Through resolving the conflict you should end …
Relationships after the sociopath
I received the following email from the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Zimzoomit:" I saw the Lifetime Network show about you and lovefraud.com. What I would like to know is how the man who came next (your true lover, after the fraud) helped you to overcome the emotional havoc your ex who frauded you caused? Is there a specific blog or link on lovefraud.com to tell us how he helped you? Were you able to talk about things that bothered you about your ex, even ever so occasionally, when/if the haunted thoughts encroached on you ”¦ even if only occasionally but for years after the fact, and if so, what things did your new love say, to help you overcome those thoughts? Was he willing to li …
Wisdom: The Serenity Prayer applied to sociopaths
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr The definition of wisdom Almost everyone is familiar with the above “serenity prayer,” which is used as part of its program by Alcoholics Anonymous. Until I looked it up, I didn't know who actually wrote it. What is wisdom, though? Albert Einstein says, “Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” Still, that doesn't tell us exactly what wisdom is. Wisdom is defined by Webster as: 1a: accumulated philosophic or scientific learning: knowledge 1b: abili …