By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Recently I found a book in a “junk book store” that caught my eye. Its title was I Don't Want to Live This Life, and it was written by Deborah Spungen. The book is about her family trying to raise a “difficult child,” her first daughter, Nancy. Nancy was murdered by her boyfriend, a “rock star” named Sid Vicious, in the 1970s. Nancy's birth was problematic with the cord around her neck, and a rare blood disorder caused her to need a total blood exchange transfusion immediately after birth. From the day that she was brought home from the hospital, she screamed and fought her caregivers. By the time she was 14 she was out of control. By the time she was 1 …
Just a dream: the subconscious doesn’t forget
One night last week, I awoke from a very real dream. It was not horrible or frightening. In fact, it was quite ordinary. It was a very accurate depiction of the everyday exchanges that commonly occurred in what was once my life. As dreams go, things were slightly out of place and somewhat strange, but I understood. In the dream, it was a crisp October evening. I was dressed in jeans and a sweater. He was dressed in navy blue dress pants and a white shirt. The accoutrements were missing from the shirt, as they often were in reality. Why we were together, as he came from work, I have no idea. I was younger in the dream, the age I was the day we met, but he was his current age. We …
Taking the first step towards healing the trauma
The young woman buried her head into my shoulder and sobbed, right in the middle of the exhibit hall. Last weekend, my husband, Terry Kelly, and I attended a conference for the Association for the Promotion of Campus Activities. We're reaching out to colleges, hoping to bring Love Fraud and How to Avoid It to students. It's such an important message, as the reaction of the young lady proved. At the age of 23, she had already suffered greatly because of a sociopath. She met the guy when she was 17, and later they lived together. The young lady had an opportunity to work at a well-paying job—earning $60,000 a year—except that the guy didn't want her to work. He didn't want her to be in …
Managing the Chess Game of Court Ordered Visitation with a Psychopath
I have blogged previously about the nightmare of a court order supervised exchange professional. In the past two weeks, I have really started to wonder if I am dealing with two psychopaths instead of just one — my spath ex AND this court ordered supervisor. It has become abundantly clear that this woman chooses to meddle and fuel drama on some occasions and then on others she decides she wants to remain “neutral”. Today Luc (the spath ex and my sons unfortunately sperm donor) had another court ordered visitation. (Note: Luc hasn't had a seven hour visit for a month and the last time my son ended up in the hospital) The events that occurred at the drop off have me wondering about whether …
Managing the Chess Game of Court Ordered Visitation with a PsychopathRead More
Following the ex on Facebook inhibits emotional recovery
Here's more proof that total No Contact is the way to recovery. A new study finds that continuing to follow a former romantic partner on Facebook after breaking up makes it harder to move on. Read: Study: Stalking your ex on Facebook is bad for you, on ZDNet.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
Following the ex on Facebook inhibits emotional recoveryRead More
Help me understand: questions and observations in the aftermath
This past year, I began speaking publicly on domestic violence and psychopathy. As many of you know, I feel that I have a bit of a responsibility to educate others on the matter. As a result, from time to time, people contact me or put their friends in touch with me if they suspect I can somehow help them make sense of their experiences. Some are in the beginning phases of understanding abusive personalities and/or psychopathy, while others have no idea what has rocked their worlds. Last week, someone who was struggling to find answers asked me a series of questions. Not only were they excellent, but they were ones that we have all probably asked. "How did such an intelligent, str …
Help me understand: questions and observations in the aftermathRead More
The Psychopath’s Enablers
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Psychopaths do a great deal of damage to their victims. The fact that there are people who are aware of what they are doing and choose to “look the other way” or to “sit on the fence and do nothing” enables the psychopaths to continue to abuse their victims. If the bystanders would stand up and assist the victims, even acknowledge that they are being victimized, the psychopaths might not be quite so successful. One of the most famous of these enablers who chose to look the other way was a man named Pontius Pilate, the Roman prefect in Jerusalem in AD 33. When Jesus was brought before him by the Jewish leaders, Pilate stated that he found “no fault” in J …
Defining My “Grey Rock” and Recognizing The Insignificance of The Psychopath Sperm Donor
I have heard a lot of people give advice about how the best way to get rid of a psychopath is to show him/her a “grey rock” of emotions. While I understand that this means that I cannot let the psychopath see any emotion beyond that of an emotionless grey rock, putting this theory into practice has proved to be one of the hardest things to do. I still believe I will have my moments, but it took an extreme situation for me to tap into what I needed to understand in order to achieve my own version of “grey rock”. The “Extreme Situation”: Baby boy had another rough 72 hours which landed him two more hospital visits. We started out in the hospital a few days ago after he spiked another f …
Defining My “Grey Rock” and Recognizing The Insignificance of The Psychopath Sperm DonorRead More
Love After The Sociopath
I'm finally beginning to properly ”˜get' the age-old adage that life is a journey not a destination. Let me assure you, my particular journey continues to be filled with the most bizarre ups and downs, and I'm coming to realize that truth really is stranger than fiction — well, in my case at least. Many peculiar happenings and coincidences have been going on over the past few weeks, most of which I am not currently at liberty to share. When the time is right I will put pen to paper, but until then I've decided to fulfill my urge to write by focusing on my own personal experiences around the subject of love after the sociopath. Being Human As you'll know if you read my last post, I am …
Announcing the e-book version of “Love Fraud”
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Two years ago, I published my first book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. I am very excited to announce that Love Fraud is now available in all e-book formats. Whether you read on an Amazon Kindle or an iPhone, Love Fraud is now formatted for your device. With free e-reader software, you can also download the book and read it on your computer. The e-book version is only US$9.99. And of course, there's no shipping cost, making the book much more accessible to our international readers. I've also edited the book to make it about 20 …