A reader posted the following comment on Lovefraud's Facebook page: "This website helps me too, but now, as I venture into the world of dating again, I find that my past is terrible hindrance. So difficult. Any advice gratefully received. Just want to be happy." Many times I've been asked, "After what your con artist ex-husband did to you, can you ever trust again?" Yes I can. I do. I am remarried, and I am happier now than I've ever been, in fact, I'm much happier than I ever was before the sociopath. So how do you climb out of the abyss of profound betrayal? How do you recover? How do you move forward, to the point where you can actually love again? Here are some lessons I've …
Stress eats holes in your brain
Dealing with a sociopath means stress. Somehow, we have to find ways to reduce it. Here's why: Yet another reason to reduce stress: It shrinks your brain, on CommercialAppeal.com. …
Deliberate Cruelty From Someone Who Is Meant To Care
Last week I found myself in an intimidating situation that required me to put all my skills of resilience in to practice. I was in the hands of a professional person who should be there to care for others. I was in a hugely vulnerable position, yet instead of receiving care, I felt myself being belittled, bullied and threatened. The person dishing out this particularly cruel treatment was a senior doctor in a private clinic, where I am a patient. A few years ago I would probably have put up with his behaviour, or brushed it off as being just something I mis-read — but not this time. Not now. Not ever again. So I thought I'd share my story here on Lovefraud. As you already k …
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Red Flags of Love Fraud – 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath
I am so excited. I can finally start talking about my new book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you're dating a sociopath. Who should read this book? Quite frankly, everyone. If you're wondering whether you're in a relationship with a sociopath, this book tells you. If you know you are, or were, involved with a sociopath, this book tells you how you got sucked into the situation and why it's so difficult to get out. If your friends and family can't understand why you got trapped, give them this book. It explains everything. If you want to protect yourself, or someone you care about, from becoming involved with a sociopath, this book tells you how to stay safe. Red Flags of Love F …
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BOOK REVIEW: Evil Eyes–A daughter’s memoir
Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been writing for Lovefraud as regularly over the last year. The reason is I have been working to get a research program off the ground. Objective scientific research on psychopathy and the family will inform a better understanding of the disorder and educate professionals about the needs of victims and family members. In a very exciting and lucky turn of events, an expert in “mixed methods” research has an office down the hall from mine at the University of Bridgeport, and l have recently learned a great deal about how to conduct this kind of research. I have long appreciated that the usual mathematical approach to psychological research does not …
Knowledge is power
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) If you are not willing to learn, No one can help you. If you are determined to learn, No one can stop you. A friend shared that saying with me today in an email and it made me think about what we say here at Lovefraud when we encourage a new poster to read and learn about psychopaths, to arm themselves with knowledge: “Knowledge is power.” Knowledge is a powerful tool in our lives. If we have no education, we are powerless, as we see in people who have dropped out of school illiterate. We encourage our children to do the best they can in school, to go on to higher education, so that they are better prepared in life, have more power to determine their …
They Just Can’t Understand – Why It’s So Hard To Explain The Truth To Others
This week's post is based on recent experiences and inspired by this comment posted on a previous article — “the eyes see only what the mind knows” (thank you ”˜woundlicker'). It's the on-going subject about how on earth we can open other peoples' eyes about the psychopaths who live and breathe among us. My recent experiences have highlighted, yet again, how tricky it is for people to get their head around this kind of information — let alone accept that they have been duped! I often think back to the early days after I discovered the truth about my ex, and how puzzling I found it when people just didn't seem to believe me when I told them what had happened. No matter how many reams of bl …
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George Hartwig: Justice finally served?
It has been almost exactly 9 years since my life as I knew it ended with the arrest of my ex-husband. I can say I am a “survivor,” but my life will never be what it would have been had this not happened. In the wake of Barry Lichtenthal, many people have been permanently damaged. Perhaps the best marker of a sociopath is the number of broken and wounded who fall on the paths of their lives. But I am lucky, as are the rest of those who survive life shared with a sociopath free of bodily damage. I have come to understand that the bodily damage that sociopaths inflict is both direct and indirect. George Hartwig's story gives us an example of both. It also causes us to pause and think about th …
Don’t quit in the middle of the lesson
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Someone posted one of those “signs” on my Facebook page today that everyone forwards and shares, which I call “one-sentence wisdom or humor” but this one struck me as suburb wisdom. The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply it. Don't quit in the middle. We have all had the misfortune to learn our lessons the “hard way” in associating with a psychopath (or two), but actually I think “misfortune” may be the wrong word, because learning things “the hard way” means that we will not forget those lessons. “The burned hand never forgets the fire” is another way to say it. Maybe we have actually been fortunate to escape from …
Background noise and background pain
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Sometimes my parrot will come up with a sound or a word and we will wonder “where in the heck did he come up with that!?” We noticed a few years ago that he would make a “Whooooosh” sound when anyone opened the door either to go in or out. He did it consistently, so we knew he had associated the door opening with the sound, but we couldn't figure out who would make that sound often enough that he had picked it up. Then one day my husband came in the house and it was very hot outside and when he came in he made that “Whoooosh” sound as he hit the air conditioned inside! My son and I went, “Whoopee! We know where he got it now!” It takes endless rep …