By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I was reading an article the other day that talked about “justice” for victims. It said that a rape victim is “made whole” after his or her attack when the perp is put in prison. How can a victim of violent rape be “made whole,” no matter what justice is meted out to their attacker? It can't be done. There are some things that can never be “fixed” like they were before the damage, and I believe the “soul rape” by the psychopaths is one of those things. Some of you who have been physically raped may ask, “What do you know about rape?” Well, my bona fides are that my psychopathic sperm donor beat and raped me when I was 19, so I have been both physically …
Lessons from Jurassic Park: Sociopaths simply are
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." She previously wrote "12 steps of recovery from love fraud." I very much enjoy reading, especially those fictitious works that cause me to think and learn. Without a doubt, nearly everyone has seen the movie, Jurassic Park, based upon a book that was written by Michael Crichton over 20 years ago. Well, I re-read the book over the long Memorial Day weekend. It is far, far different from the movie, and drives home the ramifications of the human myth of “control.” If you haven't read the book, I would urge you to do so, simply because it speaks to a part of the human condition that is inherent in …
Diamonds After All – Discovering Self-Worth After The Sociopath
This week I'd like to start off with another quote. As with many phrases I've come to value, it was sent to me by a good friend when I was going through one of my darker periods. Even today it still makes me smile: “A diamond is a chunk of coal that is made good under pressure” It's particularly relevant to me this week because I'm discovering all manner of riches around me at the moment. In most cases, treasures that have been hidden away from view and that are only now coming to the surface. I've been doing a little DIY at home you see. It's all part of my process to reclaim my space. Making my home my own home, arranging my space and my stuff the way I like to have everything arranged. …
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Guilty Until Proven Innocent
This week finds me well and truly back on my soapbox. Because I am feeling suitably goaded to address the somewhat emotive subject of the lack of support and comprehension offered to victims of abuse. The fact that too many people in various circles (friends and family, law and order and other professionals) simply don't ”˜get' what it means to be held captive in a manipulative relationship. I know many of us here in the Lovefraud community have already experienced the indignity of having to convince people of the validity of what we know to be true. I'm of course familiar with the remarks from well-intentioned friends and relatives that go along the lines of “he/she always seemed such a n …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Mind the gap
Editor's note: This artice was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "One/joy_step_at_a_time." I have been thinking a lot about Donna's May 28 blog thread, If you feel an emotional void, the sociopath will step in, and the responses to it. Tonight I took a long walk and sat down by the lake and thought about what the spath drew out in me. She showed me ”˜the gap.' It's humourous to me to type the phrase ”˜the gap.' When I lived in Eastern Europe, I heard a phrase over the loud speakers at the train station, over and over again. I finally asked a friend the meaning of the phrase, and he told me it meant, ”˜mind the gap between the platform and the train.' I haven't minded the g …
Life Happens
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) It's recently been pretty trying around our little “hole in the woods.” A dog we loved dearly “disappeared” out of the yard, and we've been able to find neither “hide nor hair” of him, dead or alive. Not knowing what happened to him is sort of disturbing, but we are dealing with the thought that he got close to the road and someone picked him up, or that the plentiful packs of coyotes that circle our yard got him. He was brave enough (and dumb enough) to attack them if they came into his territory. Whatever happened to him, he is gone, and at this point not likely to return. His silly little ways are greatly missed, even by the other animals in the house. …
12 steps of recovery from love fraud
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader called “Adelade.” Her previous posts are "When life ain't fair" and “This is the time for me to learn who I am.” Having grown up in a dysfunctional alcoholic environment, I spent just about 35 years involved in one “program” or another, and I was able to strongly identify with my “inner child” after one particularly grueling session with my counseling therapist. I could clearly see how my emotional development had been abruptly arrested during my childhood, and that I had developed into an adult whose every decision and action had been based upon the need for acceptance, validation, appreciation, and approval. Fear of “dys …
A Book Is Born
This week it's a change of subject and a shorter post, because this week I am absolutely delighted to announce that my book “I'm Still Standing” will be published by Mainstream/Random House on 5th July! These are incredibly exciting times, and I am bursting with pride and anticipation that my story is being told. It's a bit nerve-wracking as well, I must say, as I feel somewhat vulnerable putting my ”˜whole self' out there to the world. It's been a fascinating process getting to this stage, and I'm surprised by the number of times I've already been asked the question “How long did it take you to write?” Well, the simple response to that is over four decades. Yes, it's taken a lifetime for …
Taking back our power
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Each one of us has more power than we generally perceive we do. Some people, in fact, do not recognize that they have any power over either what happens to them, or to how they react to what happens to them. Yet, we are totally powerful people; we have total power over what goes on inside us. Recognizing that I am a powerful person with ultimate control over my emotions and actions is a heady feeling, and a scary feeling too. It is heady because it gives us a feeling that we can control ourselves, but it is scary because we also realize that there is no one else who can save us if we fail to exercise that power fully or competently. When we were …
Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates
Funny, don't you think, how every now and again life seems to work in perfect synchronicity? For the past couple of weeks I've written about my experiences of thoughts creating reality — and I've loved reading all your follow-up comments, thank you. It seems this has been/remains a weighty subject for many of us here! I had been wondering how to continue the exploration — and as if by magic, the solution appeared all by itself. Here's what happened”¦ Last Friday was probably the most important day in my son's life so far. It was the day he was due to interview for a place at his chosen university in Bordeaux, about two hours drive from where we live. His meeting was booked for 8am, so in t …