Recovery from a sociopath

By Ox Drover Many people think of the term “judging others” in a negative way. I think a lot of this comes from the Biblical admonition found in which Jesus said,  “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1). Matthew 7:2-5 says, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” What Jesus was condemning here was hypocritical, self-righteous judgments of others. I frequently hear others say, “Well, I'm not judging him ”¦” when they talk about how someone they know has done something that is less than morally upright. When I was a young person in this community of mostly Scots-Irish Protestants, people were fr …

Being a “judgmental person” is more than okay–it is wiseRead More

Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman whose daughter is caught in the web of a sociopath. The woman and her husband are not enabling the relationship—the sociopath, of course, wants money. They are hoping and praying that their daughter will escape. Here is her question to other Lovefaud readers: What was the "turning point," "awakening moment," "realization point," that woke them up OUT of the fog, the gaslighting, etc., and what made them realize they needed to RUN, to get away from their sociopaths?  What finally "did it," what finally "broke the camel's back?"  Where they realized what was happening to them, had been done to them, when they finally realized things were …

What was your turning point?Read More

By Ox Drover If I told you that you had to eat an entire cow, do you think you could do it? How about if I told you that you had to eat an entire cow in only ten minutes? Do you think you could do it? “Holy cow! I can't do that!” you might say. Well, I think we all have our personal “cows” that we try to eat. Big jobs or big projects that we look at and say “Noooooo way, I can't eat all of that!” So having seen this particular “cow” as too big to swallow in one bite, we never even attempt to eat it. We just let it sit there in the middle of our lives, using up our resources, taking up space, and growing bigger by the day! Every time we look at this “pet cow,” it is bigger and bigger and …

How to Eat an Entire Cow in Ten MinutesRead More

By Ox Drover I got to thinking today about being stronger now than I was prior to the last experience with the psychopaths in my life ”¦ but when I really got to thinking about it, I realized I have actually always been as strong as I am now, I just didn't know it or take advantage of it. One of the reasons that humans are able to work horses, mules and oxen to pull heavy loads is because the beasts we use for our labor do not realize their strength. They don't realize the absolute brute force power they have over us. We “control” them because they allow it. Why do they allow it? The answer is because they are not aware of the strength and power that they have, so they allow us to ta …

Becoming aware of our strengthsRead More

Sometimes I like to revisit, churn all over again, a prior concern around sociopathy. A number of colleagues were recently stressing the defective quality of empathy in the more sociopathic clients they work with, while I found myself stressing the quality of remorselessness in the more sociopathic clients with whom I work (and have worked). In my view, remorselessness is a much more serious indicator of sociopathy than lack of empathy per se. I know I've stated this in previous pieces, but well”¦here I go all over again. Many people lack empathy for a great many reasons, depending on how one even defines empathy. But clearly this is true—many of us have a relatively difficult time emot …

Lack of remorse more significant of sociopathy than lack of empathy?Read More