Recovery from a sociopath

She waited. Patient. Patiently. I'll wait for you forever, she told him. And so she waited. She waited and waited but still he never came. She called. Impatient. Impatiently. She called and she called and still he never answered. She searched. For him. For answers. For hope. And still her hands came up empty. I am your only hope, he'd told her. I am the one you've been waiting for. And so, she waited. In the dark. Through the dawn. Throughout the day. And still, he never came. He'd promised to come. Promised to bring her the keys to their new home. The money he owed. He promised to give back the dreams he'd killed. The trust he'd broken. The hopes he'd dashed. Today, he'd …

A story. My story. Dancing in the arms of love.Read More

At 9:12 am on May 21, 2003, the only peace I knew was the unsettling desire to die, the constant throbbing of the voice screaming at me to let go, give in, give up, give over my life to the darkness that consumed me. I wanted to end it all. To have the turmoil and pain and fear of living with an abuser die with me. At 9:13 am on May 21, 2003, everything changed. Everything shifted and my world as I knew it ended. A police car drove up and I stood watching as two officers stepped from the car. At 9:14 am I followed the officers into the room where my abuser lay sleeping and watched them arrest him. They took him away and I sat in a chair in a room I did not recognize, captive in a …

Claiming Peace: After the sociopath is goneRead More

Because there is so much discussion lately about pity, empathy and compassion in the wake of a relationship with a sociopath, I am writing this article to discuss compassion as it fits into the recovery process. Before I begin, I would like to humbly remind my readers that recovery, by its nature, is a progression through different stages of emotional learning. If the trauma is major, these emotional states will be intense. And they will color our “sight” or view of the world and ourselves. I'm pointing this out as a warning that, unless you are in late-stage recovery, the material in this article may be irritating and you may find me a holier-than-thou pain in the butt. If the farthest …

After the sociopath: How do we heal? Part 16 – The end of recoveryRead More

Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, the turn of the year, the winter solstice and all the holidays of the “dark” time of the year are celebrations of the miracle of renewal. The harvest and colorful leaf fall of autumn is over, and the seasons are turning again to the beginning of the annual cycle of life. Our gifts, all our gatherings, the lights and candles are all expressions of joy in our shared warmth, and our faith and hope in our survival through the cold months to the blooming of spring again. This morning, reading in bed (Richard Powers' Prisoners Dilemma), I found this line: "Inside each of us is a script of the greater epic writ little, an atlas of politics so abundant it threats to fil …

After the sociopath: How do we heal? Part 15 – Comfort and JoyRead More

It's the holiday season, and many of us are running around doing last minute shopping, trying to find gifts for everyone on our list—and possibly, with this economy, on a limited budget. But what are we planning to give the most important person on our list? That is, what are we planning to give to ourselves? This year, some of us have been forced to face the fact that the person to whom we dedicated our time, energy, love and money was a sociopath, thoroughly prepared to take everything he or she could from us. Some of us discovered this a year or two ago, and are still processing the awful truth. When we become entangled with a sociopath, it shakes the foundation upon which we built our …

Give yourself the gift of trusting yourselfRead More