Lovefraud recently heard from Janine in Florida. Here is what she wrote: In May it will be two years since I realized my ex-husband was a sociopath and every day I deal with the psychological nightmare that he has given me. I try so hard not to think about the destruction he has done to me...but every day it is there. Destroyed period. How can one put this behind them?? Yes I have moved on with my life but every day in my mind what he did to me is there and will be in my brain forever. I have been told to forgive him and I do in a way because I realize how sick he is but it is still there! Taken, abused, used, destroyed as a woman, as a human being and of course him shoving …
Creating healing with the ones you’ve hurt after the sociopath is gone
During the final 3 months of the sociopathic relationship, my daughters, then 15 and 16, did not know where I was or if I was alive or dead. Every day they waited for the police to arrive at the front door with the news that my body had been found. I had disappeared when the sociopath fled the province in an attempt to evade capture by the police. He'd promised to let me go once he reached the States. I didn't care what he did. I wanted the pain and suffering and horror of my life to end. I wanted to die. And then one day the police walked in and arrested him and I was set free. One of my first thoughts in freedom was, “I will never forgive myself for what I did to my daughters”. That was my …
Creating healing with the ones you’ve hurt after the sociopath is goneRead More
Learning to be in relationship after an encounter with a Sociopath
It's been almost four years since the sociopath was forcefully extricated from my life by the police. Four years to heal, learn, grow and to rebuild. I've been feeling pretty strong, centered, together. And yet, no matter how much I heal or grow, I still shy away from an aspect of being human that drives the creative spirit to express itself through books and poetry, songs and movies, paintings and sculptures and all kinds of other art forms; ”˜a loving relationship'. In fact, I have pretty well convinced myself that I was content to spend the rest of my life ”˜a single'. I mean, really, my life is full. Two daughters living at home while going to college, my career, my writing, a busy socia …
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“How did he really feel?” and “What did he want from me?”
“How did he really feel?” and “What did he want from me?” are two questions that often haunt victims of sociopaths. The reason we are haunted by these questions varies but often stems from the habit of over-focusing on the sociopath instead of ourselves. That being said, victims also have a healthy ”˜need to know' that can help with recovery and healing. I struggled with these questions in my own healing. I remain baffled by my observations of enjoyment of affection on the part of sociopaths. Early on, I told my own therapist that I had come to the conclusion that sociopaths exploit those close to them to the point of death, then, cry at the funeral. At the moment the tears are shed, I bel …
“How did he really feel?” and “What did he want from me?”Read More
The six steps of healing from a psychopath
There is no straight line to healing after an encounter with a psychopath. No clearly defined path that says, step here, go there. For most of us, there are no tools in our lifeboats that will aid us in the process of letting go so that we can move on to live and laugh and love again. Healing from such an encounter takes energy. It requires a personal commitment to doing what it takes to clear your mind, body and spirit of his or her lies. Healing takes time. When I first got my life back after the psychopath was arrested I looked at the devastation around me and cried. How could a once vibrant, successful, loving woman have fallen so far from her path? How could she have lost her grace …
Sociopaths and their smear campaigns
Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman who was married to a sociopath for 16 years. I was a stay-at-home mom until my son entered kindergarten, then I got a job. This was the end of any peace I would have for 10 years. The worst possible thing happened to my husband—the woman he could make fun of for being stupid or having no goals (whatever he would say to hurt my self-esteem) became a huge success. In fact, I made three times as much as Mr. Wonderful. The abuse escalated. He was so obsessed with destroying me that even on a business trip where I was getting an award for being the top sales rep in my company, he was pulling my boss aside and insinuating I was committing fraud …
I grieve for myself and let the psychopath go
When someone dies, we grieve. The process is well-documented, the steps clearly defined though seldom straight-forward. We each journey through the process at our own speed, in our own time. But, regardless of our pace, we must go through each step to come to that place where we can be at peace with only the memories of the one we loved to warm our hearts, as we learn to accept that they have gone forever as we move on. We start with disbelief. It cannot be true. They cannot be gone. We are in denial. And then we move into anger. How could they have left us! Why me? Why them? Why now? Why? Why? Why? Anger gives way to bargaining, trying to find some way to reach peace with the inevitable …
Telling our stories of being targeted by sociopaths
Sociopaths have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. They purposely drain the life out of people and then throw them away. Despite their charming and charismatic veneer, they are evil to the core. In my opinion, the people who truly understand this personality disorder are those who felt the full brunt of sociopathic deceit, and then woke up to the truth. We, the former targets, remember the promises of love and luxury, and how it all seemed so possible. We remember the confusion—how reality didn't match the promises, and the excuses that explained away the discrepancies. We remember attempting to express misgivings, only to be told we were crazy. We, the former targets, also remember t …
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Healing from an encounter with a psychopath. It’s all in my perceptions.
Recently I was hired to write a script for a video on Mammography. While working on the voice-overs, the actress hired to do the narration kept stumbling on one line. I knew it sounded awkward but was having trouble changing it. The Director and I looked at the sentence -- The fact that the screening mammogram might have saved her life, is not a myth. It's a fact. “It's the word, fact. It appears twice in the sentence and makes it awkward,” I said. We struggled for some minutes to think of a word to replace it with, but couldn't find one that fit. “We can't change the last two phrases,” I said. “They have to go together because that's the power statement. It's not a myth. It's a fact. We' …
Healing from an encounter with a psychopath. It’s all in my perceptions.Read More
Never is a long, long time after loving a psychopath
When I first got my life back after the Psychopath was arrested, I didn't know who I was, where I was or even how I'd got to that place in which I was living with such deep, dank desperation and sadness. During that 4 year 9 month relationship I had done things and behaved in ways I did not think were possible for me. But, there I was after his arrest, standing amidst the devastation of my life, forced to acknowledge the truth; I had become that crazed woman who had accepted his lies as her truth. I was that woman who, locked in his unholy arms, lost her moral compass and fell into the abyss of his web of deceit. Freed from his embrace, I looked around me and realized, I was lost. I had …
Never is a long, long time after loving a psychopathRead More