How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Sociopaths are fundamentally incapable of being supportive partners or loving parents. So what do you do, especially when there are children involved?

Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath

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SPONSORED CONTENT The most heartbreaking dramas that sociopaths create are those that involve children. Many sociopathic parents stand up in court proclaiming that they “only want what is best for the children.” They're lying. What they really want is to use the children as clubs to beat their ex-partners into submission. There is no such thing as a simple phone call to find out what little Johnny needs to bring to soccer practice. Every phone call or e-mail is an opportunity for the sociopath to manipulate, denigrate and infuriate the ex, through lies, innuendo and misinformation. For the parent trying to protect the children, it's exhausting. A few months ago, Lovefraud published a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Leaving the abuser, then expected to co-parent

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Gloria."I have been divorced from my abusive husband (mental, physical, sexual against me but he NEVER LEFT A MARK ON ME) for 11 years and we have 3 teenagers together. I have known him 20 years. For most of this time, I have been puzzled about why I could not "move on" after the divorce.Yes, I left him. During the marriage I did not know the name "abusive," so I just kept trying to be a good wife and mother, fulfill my marriage commitment, etc., but then I woke up just enough to know that it was "abusive" and I left. We had gone to about 8 couples counselors during the marriage, and I a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I did not choose this guy

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman who we'll call, “Cybil.” She was married to a sociopath, and is now raising two toddlers, paying 75% or more of their support, and being run into the courts, stalked, threatened and harassed.Today I was thinking about this comment I get a lot from the supposed "resources" I have. What I have found is that there really is not much in the way for resources out there for abused women. Even my family, who have been helpful and are starting to "get it" little by little, can be a little backhanded in their support.The comment goes like this: "Well, you chose this guy. You chose to have kids with this guy." It is a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Tips for co-parenting with a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2024. Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman who we'll call “Penny.” She's been in a custody battle with the father of her child, who she believes is a sociopath. Although Penny has been able to gain full physical and legal custody of the child, and has a restraining order against the father, he still has visitation so Penny must deal with child exchanges. She's provided the following tips for others who are in similar situations.1. Stay strong in God! I know that this is difficult at times because I myself have been tried so much. Go to church regularly and tell the pastor(s) and counselors at your church what you are dealing with and ask them and the congregation t …

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10 examples of the scapegoat’s isolation in the narcissistic family

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBSA toxic family operates like a cult. The head narcissists (either one parent or both) make certain that they are able to rally their troops around them, which happen to be their children. Almost always, there is one child who is never assimilated into the cult. This child is the scapegoat. From early years, this child is observed as being highly sensitive, creative, empathetic and outspoken. Because the scapegoat is not like them, the narcissists must villainize this family member to elevate themselves and feel superior. It becomes an addiction.Hence, the other children are trained on behalf of the parents to mistreat and bully the scapegoat, which …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What Would You Do?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from the reader who posts as "SocioSibs." She asks, "what would you do?"What if you have reason to believe that someone you know is a serious danger to others?  You've known this person almost all your life, grew up together in the same family.Until recently, this person had a huge menagerie of animals housed on an acre of land, including a horse, 13 dogs, 5 cats, turkeys & peacocks and possibly a parrot or 2.  Yet when she abandoned the property, all but 2 dogs she took with her disappeared in a span of just weeks.  Subsequent to this person's latest move (one of 25 or so over a half-century), you found a couple of canine c …

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When the parents of your sociopathic ex want to see their grandchildren

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received an email from a reader who has a daughter with a sociopath and wants to know what she should do about the sociopath's parents, her daughter's paternal grandparents. She wrote:My issue with my daughter's paternal grandparents is that I don't trust them with my daughter. It's not because they are bad people, but because my sociopathic ex has victimized his parents over and over and over again and has no respect for what they say. His mother is his biggest enabler and both of his parents want him to be involved with our daughter (he has abandoned her) in the worst way. They pressure him about it nonstop. I fear that if I allow my daughter to be without me in …

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How psychopathic parents create complex trauma in their children

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By Dr. Kathy Ahern An earthquake strikes in the middle of the night. A four-year-old child is trapped in a demolished house. She is left without food or water, help or support for three terrifying days. In a different city another child the same age is neglected by her self-absorbed parents. They ignore her cries of hunger and fear for three days. Years later, the earthquake victim suffers no ill effects from her experience. The child who was physically and emotionally abandoned grows into an adult suffering from complex PTSD. The physical and emotional traumas were identical. So why the difference? Betrayal. The neglected child was dependent on her parents. She needed them. She …

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Smear campaign set me up as the abusive parent

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who describes how her husband's smear campaign set her up at the abusive parent. He accused me of cheating on him which he kept these accusations going for the last two years of our marriage never believing me. He went to my family and friends crying and carrying on that I was cheating also that I was taking household money to buy drugs off the streets (didn’t happen I didn’t do this). He stalked me at my work — used a GPS tracking device and recording device on my van. He had altercations with management and the members of the country club I worked at. He never let me sleep, always creating a fight at night so I was sleep …

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A doctor twice ends up in the psych ward because of her sociopathic ex

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call Allison23. She reveals how her ex-husband got her thrown into the psych ward — twice. The sociopath in my life “saved” me from my abusive mother and got me out of the trailer park. I eventually earned 4 degrees, one of which was an MD. Looking back, the relationship was always controlling, but he made me believe that he was doing what he did because he needed to “mold” me into the perfect woman because my parents “didn’t do a good job”. As soon as I started making more money than him, his violence escalated and I finally got the courage to leave him in the middle of the night. Little did I know this would be …

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Note to self: Do not break the No Contact rule

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Editor’s note: The Lovefraud authorEleanor Cowan, who wrote "A History of a Pedophile’s Wife," describes what happened when she thought she could break the No Contact rule. By Eleanor Cowan Wow! What just happened? Whammo! I was abused this week, completely out of the blue, entirely unexpected, and yet, oh so familiar. I feel black and blue, and I make no mistake, verbal lashings leave me bruised too. I invited my younger brother, a fellow with whom I’ve never achieved a mutual relationship, for a nice fish ‘n chip supper at a local restaurant. We’re both living in the same city now, and I wanted to reach out. My bro, one of the youngest in our alcoholic family, has a history of alcohol …

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