How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Sociopaths and family

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My adopted daughter became her biological mother

//  by //  25 Comments

Editor's Note: Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader who posts as "Hannah4." Donna Andersen will offer comments at the end of her story. V and B join our family I retired from teaching two years ago. I have been married for 38 years to the same man and gave birth to two sons who are now grown. Sixteen years ago, my husband and I became guardians of two girls who are biological sisters (who attended the school where I taught). One of the sisters, V, joined our family when she was nine years old. One year later, her younger sister, B, who had just turned nine, also joined our family. At the time, I taught in a private Christian school where the philosophy was "it …

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My adopted daughter became her biological motherRead More

Telling Your Kids the Truth About a Sociopath

//  by //  17 Comments

Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader: My daughter was very recently granted custody of the two daughters that resulted from her relationship with a sociopath. An ongoing problem that I would LOVE to see you address on your website—how does one deal with the sociopath's lies and manipulation of the children? Specifically—how do you tell the kids the truth without hurting them? My daughter has to deal with a constant barrage of lies from the other parent. An example of this—telling their older child that her mother did not want to see her when the reality was that he (the sociopath father) was keeping the children from her. It's a no-win situation because either wa …

Telling Your Kids the Truth About a SociopathRead More

For at-risk toddlers, warm parenting is best

//  by //  9 Comments

Experts now agree that sociopathy is at least partly genetic. That means any child born of a sociopathic parent may inherit a predisposition to the personality disorder. Sometimes this predisposition can be seen in very young children who exhibit "callous-unemotional" traits. New research shows that  toddlers who exhibit callous-unemotional behavior may be helped by warm, loving parenting. Warmer parenting makes antisocial toddlers more empathetic, on PSmag.com. This is the same advice Dr. Liane Leedom gives in her book, Just Like His Father? A guide to overcoming our child's genetic connection to antisocial behavior, addiction and ADHD. Here's the bottom line: If you realize …

For at-risk toddlers, warm parenting is bestRead More

Co-Parenting with a Psychopath: Two Insiders Tell Us What It’s Like

//  by //  10 Comments

by Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly both married and divorced psychopaths. They both have children with these men and are therefore connected to them for life. Here, they share their experiences and advice. Let's start with a big, looming question. When and how did you figure out you were with a psychopath? Q.P. I had no idea I was married to a sociopath for most of my marriage. But the signs were there—for years, I battled depression, anxiety, feels of worthlessness, and all the classic symptoms of a spouse in an abusive relationship. However, I didn't know what a sociopath was, nor did I understand that abuse could be anything other than physical; so I ra …

Co-Parenting with a Psychopath: Two Insiders Tell Us What It’s LikeRead More

3 Ways Cops Can Support A Sociopath

//  by //  49 Comments

Think street cops are better trained to deal with sociopathy than the rest of us? Think again. Here are three ways that cops—at least the small town variety I'm most familiar with—can get pulled into aiding a sociopath: 1. Cops are just as likely as anybody else in the world to be charmed by a sociopath on the spot. In my case, I called for help when my ex threatened to leave my house with our children and not bring them back. At the time, he had also been actively stalking me and threatening my life. The local prosecutor had just sent an "official" letter to him, warning him to stay more than 100 feet away from me (or some similar distance). After our disagreement over his intent to keep o …

3 Ways Cops Can Support A SociopathRead More

Helping Children Heal While Co-parenting with a Sociopath

//  by //  7 Comments

by Quinn Pierce I sat on the now familiar, well worn bench outside the courtroom, and I watched the strained faces of the people around me as I waited for our name to be called.  It was our fourth appearance in the family court due to my son's unexcused absences resulting from an illness the school has yet to acknowledge. The whole process has been exhausting, to say the least, but it's been made even worse by the carnival-like antics being performed by my ex-husband and his lawyer. As usual, a situation that should solely be about supporting our child has been turned into another  Look At Me, I'm the Victim one-act play.  It seems that any captive audience lately has become an op …

Helping Children Heal While Co-parenting with a SociopathRead More

Holidays with a Sociopath

//  by //  51 Comments

There's no exact formula for spending life's special events with a sociopath, but one thing's for sure. It won't be good for you. With the 4th of July coming tomorrow, I decided to spend some time talking about life's biggest events and sweetest moments. Weddings. Birthdays. Funerals. Births. Christmas. Hanukah. Anniversaries. And any other special time or ritual that gives our humanity a chance to feel the deeper meaning of life. To watch the fireworks. To celebrate our bonds to each other. To remember our heritage. To take a breath and step away from the daily grind so we can look around and appreciate what's most important to us. And feel the joy that comes with it. And because our …

Holidays with a SociopathRead More

Pro-arrest policies for domestic violence show women arrests growing

//  by //  8 Comments

When it comes to domestic violence, the traditional scenario has been of men abusing and beating women. At the Gainesville Police Department in Alachua County, Florida, arrests of women on domestic battery or assault charges have sometimes outpaced the arrests of men. Bruce Ferris, a former Gainesville police detective who investigated domestic violence cases, said many women charged with domestic violence are themselves victims of batterers and are defending themselves or striking out against repeated abuse. Many states have a mandatory pro-arrest policy, where if police are dispatched to a domestic violence call, the aggressor must be arrested. For officers answering a call, it is …

Pro-arrest policies for domestic violence show women arrests growingRead More

Devaluation and the Inability to Form Emotional Attachments

//  by //  9 Comments

I'd like to start this post with a passage from the author Jesmyn Ward in Men We Reaped. Here, she talks about how she learned to undervalue herself when her dad left their family: "I looked at myself and saw a walking embodiment of everything the world around me seemed to despise: an unattractive, poor, Black woman. Undervalued by her family, a perpetual workhouse. Undervalued by society regarding her labor and her beauty. This seed buried itself in my stomach and bore fruit. I hated myself. That seed bloomed in the way I walked, slumped over, eyes on the floor, in the way I didn't even attempt to dress well, in the way I avoided the world, when I could, through reading, and in the way I …

Devaluation and the Inability to Form Emotional AttachmentsRead More

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How can I help my sister?

//  by //  25 Comments

Editor's Note: This letter was submitted  by Lovefraud reader we'll call "Elizabella." Other names in this letter have been changed. I've spent hours online searching for specific suggestions that apply to this particular situation, but am still mostly at a loss regarding how to handle it and am desperate for help. I'll try to be as succinct as possible, but there is so much to this story. I left an emotionally abusive marriage after 20 years, so I'm very familiar with how these "relationships" work and I am now convinced that my sister, Lisa, is in such a marriage, although she refuses to admit it; she has only hinted at it in the past. She has been married to him (I'll call him Ralph) …

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How can I help my sister?Read More