Editor's Note: This Spath story was submitted by Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Tina-Marie.” I was married to a Cluster B - sociopath, psychopath, narcissist. He left the children and me six years ago. He created a smear campaign against us before he left unbeknownst to us. This was so he would have a posse of people who would feel sorry for him. He took all the money and borrowed against our jointly owned home without my knowledge or consent. Since he left he has denied the payment of our daughter's school, while he pays for the son. He had our son kicked out of his beloved chorus where he sang for seven years. The dad floated a big check for the expulsion. He has hacked into …
My ‘knight in shining armor’ turned out to be a sociopath
Editor's note: The following was written by "Cajungirl." I found my "knight in shining armor" as a single mom of a six-month-old baby. My boyfriend was too good to be true to myself and my son. I fell in love quickly and soon life was easier and we settled into home life. Three years later I am pregnant with my second child and decided to marry the man I loved. He traveled 4-5 days a week so we decided I would be the at-home caregiver. My relationship changed abruptly when I began to feel isolated and out of touch. I had to fight for a part time job to have a social outlet. I was a fine dining server and enjoyed the easy money that was mine. I had to work only when my husband was …
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Psychopaths as Predators: Protecting Children
A child predator is likely (but not always) a psychopath and not necessarily a stranger. Here are some points to consider when it comes to protecting your children.* Be Present People who prey on children are likely to seek out roles that give them time for intimate contact. That includes coaches, club advisors, teachers, pastors, and so on. Background checks are only useful if the individual has been caught, and let's face it, many are not. A clever psychopath who preys on children is likely to evade detection through charisma, deception, and a values-driven facade. This person may be the last you'd ever expect—the type who spends time with the family even when the children aren't a …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My adopted daughter became her biological mother
Editor's Note: Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader who posts as "Hannah4." Donna Andersen will offer comments at the end of her story. V and B join our family I retired from teaching two years ago. I have been married for 38 years to the same man and gave birth to two sons who are now grown. Sixteen years ago, my husband and I became guardians of two girls who are biological sisters (who attended the school where I taught). One of the sisters, V, joined our family when she was nine years old. One year later, her younger sister, B, who had just turned nine, also joined our family. At the time, I taught in a private Christian school where the philosophy was "it …
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Telling Your Kids the Truth About a Sociopath
Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader: My daughter was very recently granted custody of the two daughters that resulted from her relationship with a sociopath. An ongoing problem that I would LOVE to see you address on your website—how does one deal with the sociopath's lies and manipulation of the children? Specifically—how do you tell the kids the truth without hurting them? My daughter has to deal with a constant barrage of lies from the other parent. An example of this—telling their older child that her mother did not want to see her when the reality was that he (the sociopath father) was keeping the children from her. It's a no-win situation because either wa …
For at-risk toddlers, warm parenting is best
Experts now agree that sociopathy is at least partly genetic. That means any child born of a sociopathic parent may inherit a predisposition to the personality disorder. Sometimes this predisposition can be seen in very young children who exhibit "callous-unemotional" traits. New research shows that toddlers who exhibit callous-unemotional behavior may be helped by warm, loving parenting. Warmer parenting makes antisocial toddlers more empathetic, on PSmag.com. This is the same advice Dr. Liane Leedom gives in her book, Just Like His Father? A guide to overcoming our child's genetic connection to antisocial behavior, addiction and ADHD. Here's the bottom line: If you realize …
Co-Parenting with a Psychopath: Two Insiders Tell Us What It’s Like
by Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly Quinn Pierce and H.G. Beverly both married and divorced psychopaths. They both have children with these men and are therefore connected to them for life. Here, they share their experiences and advice. Let's start with a big, looming question. When and how did you figure out you were with a psychopath? Q.P. I had no idea I was married to a sociopath for most of my marriage. But the signs were there—for years, I battled depression, anxiety, feels of worthlessness, and all the classic symptoms of a spouse in an abusive relationship. However, I didn't know what a sociopath was, nor did I understand that abuse could be anything other than physical; so I ra …
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3 Ways Cops Can Support A Sociopath
Think street cops are better trained to deal with sociopathy than the rest of us? Think again. Here are three ways that cops—at least the small town variety I'm most familiar with—can get pulled into aiding a sociopath: 1. Cops are just as likely as anybody else in the world to be charmed by a sociopath on the spot. In my case, I called for help when my ex threatened to leave my house with our children and not bring them back. At the time, he had also been actively stalking me and threatening my life. The local prosecutor had just sent an "official" letter to him, warning him to stay more than 100 feet away from me (or some similar distance). After our disagreement over his intent to keep o …
Helping Children Heal While Co-parenting with a Sociopath
by Quinn Pierce I sat on the now familiar, well worn bench outside the courtroom, and I watched the strained faces of the people around me as I waited for our name to be called. It was our fourth appearance in the family court due to my son's unexcused absences resulting from an illness the school has yet to acknowledge. The whole process has been exhausting, to say the least, but it's been made even worse by the carnival-like antics being performed by my ex-husband and his lawyer. As usual, a situation that should solely be about supporting our child has been turned into another Look At Me, I'm the Victim one-act play. It seems that any captive audience lately has become an op …
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Holidays with a Sociopath
There's no exact formula for spending life's special events with a sociopath, but one thing's for sure. It won't be good for you. With the 4th of July coming tomorrow, I decided to spend some time talking about life's biggest events and sweetest moments. Weddings. Birthdays. Funerals. Births. Christmas. Hanukah. Anniversaries. And any other special time or ritual that gives our humanity a chance to feel the deeper meaning of life. To watch the fireworks. To celebrate our bonds to each other. To remember our heritage. To take a breath and step away from the daily grind so we can look around and appreciate what's most important to us. And feel the joy that comes with it. And because our …