How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Recovering from the Lingering Effects of a Sociopath

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by Quinn Pierce  One of my least favorite activities is walking through the women's fragrance department at the mall.  I always reach the other side of the store trying to hold my breath while fighting the impending headache and dizziness that always follows.  By the time I get home, I feel as though every area of my environment has been saturated; the scent lingers on my clothes, in my car, in my hair”¦ It is with similar annoyance that I recognize the clinging traces of my ex-husband's sociopathic behaviors in my own responses to current situations.  For instance, throughout my relationship, my ex-husband often criticized or attacked my decisions and actions that were independent of his …

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BOOK REVIEW: Carnal Abuse by Deceit

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Many, many Lovefraud readers, I am sure, will be able to relate to Joyce M. Short's new book, Carnal Abuse by Deceit How a Predator's Lies Became Rape. I wish this were not the case, but it is. Joyce lives in New York City, where she's a real estate broker, professional tennis instructor and a strong advocate for her community. Much of the book is her personal story, and this is what will feel so familiar to many readers. Joyce writes about her outwardly successful, well-off family of origin and what was really going on behind closed doors. Here's a hint: Her father wasn't necessarily the upstanding citizen that he presented himself to be. She writes about young, handsome and …

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Failed Attempts at Marriage Counseling with a Sociopath

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by Quinn Pierce  I sat in the small, tastefully furnished room and listened to the tick”¦tick”¦tick of the clock.  I had long since stopped listening to the conversation going on around me. This was not the way it was supposed to be.  I stepped into the psychologist's office less than a half hour earlier full of optimism and hope.  Unfortunately, I was, once again, realizing how naive I had been. An Insincere Effort For nearly a year, I had been begging and pleading with my (then) husband to come to marriage counseling.  Our relationship was deteriorating a a rate that was destined for destruction.  He always supported me and the children going to counseling, so I was amazed when he a …

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Young woman whose mother kidnapped her as a child speaks out

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Back in 1994, Dorothy Barnett lost custody of her still-nursing 9 1/2-month-old daughter to her ex-husband, Benjamin Harris Todd. According to news reports, when Barnett became pregnant, Todd originally wanted her to terminate it. Then, as they split up, Todd painted her as mentally deficient, and convinced the court in Charleston, South Carolina, to award him custody. Fearing for her daughter's safety, Barnett took her and disappeared for almost 20 years. In November, she was located in Australia and arrested for parental kidnapping. The child, now called Samantha Geldenhuys, 20, never knew of her history. For the first time, she tells her story on Australian TV. Woman kidnapped …

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Divorcing A Sociopath: Getting Away, Staying Away

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 by Quinn Pierce At the heart of every sociopath is insecurity.  These individuals crave adoration, praise, and power above all other emotional needs.  Decisions are not based on weighing pros and cons, an internal moral compass, or even  possible consequences. Instead, a sociopath will usually make decisions for one of three reasons: putting themselves in a favorable light to be admired by others, hurting someone who is no longer an ally, or personal gain.  Of course, their most coveted decisions are those that result in a combination of two or more of these outcomes. Hiding the Truth During my marriage, I enabled this process by making excuses for my husband,  or pretending he was a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Document. Document. Document.

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Editor's note: The following letter was received from a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Gianna.” When I left my ex he always promised me he would never let me have the kids. I have custody of our children, but he has not left me alone. Contempt motions Recently, we were back in court for a contempt motion he had filed against me. The magistrate stated I was not in contempt, but proceeded to set a date for a full day hearing anyway. My ex played the missing-the-kids-wanting-more-time-with-them card, so even though I didn't violate anything we are supposed to work out a better visitation schedule for him — one that gives him more time than Local Rules outline. Now, even though I am not …

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Recovery From a Sociopath: The fake victim and the real victim

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by Quinn Pierce When I first met my ex-husband, I was moved by the amount of compassion and sympathy he showed for the traumatic experiences of my past.  To me, it was an endearing quality for someone to be so caring and supportive.  He kept telling me how honored he was that I trusted him enough to tell him things I hadn't talked to many people about before. Ulterior Motives I look back with cringe-inducing clarity, and I recognize several ulterior motives for his false compassion. For one, he was assessing me as a partner.  He learned that, at the time, I was a very secretive person.  I had a select few people I confided in, and I was not one to talk to others about my own painful exp …

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‘Divorce Corp’ documentary exposes corrupt and collusive divorce industry – even before the sociopaths show up

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Divorce Corp, a documentary playing in selected theaters through Jan. 16, 2014, takes direct aim at unscrupulous judges, lawyers and family court professionals, and the incestuous system that enables them to feed each other business and get rich. Some women's organizations consider the film to be dangerously one-sided. But I think it at least begins a discussion about what is really going on in family courts. Here's how the Divorce Corp documentary producers describe their movie: More money flows through the family courts, and into the hands of courthouse insiders, than in all other court systems in America combined — over $50 billion a year and growing. Through extensive r …

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Why is it so difficult to detach from a sociopath?

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by Quinn Pierce The other day, in one of my counseling sessions, I was recounting a story about some family members who still interact with my ex-husband, despite my requests that they respect me enough to not have any contact with him. I was no longer angry or annoyed by their behavior, I had since realized it is much easier if I lower my expectations for some people in my life and distance myself from others.  But, I was curious about their inability to stop contact with my ex-husband even after knowing everything he has done to my family. The Inexplicable Bond It led me to wonder: Why is it so difficult to detach from a sociopath? It seems as though it makes no difference if …

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Issues to consider before taking a sociopath to court

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Lovefraud recently received the following email: I was previously married to a sociopath, and we have a 4-year old son together.  I have sole legal and physical custody of our son, but have been fighting to reduce the amount of visitation for quite some time.  I recently read that having a forensic psychological analysis done on the entire family would reveal that my ex is a sociopath and possibly prevent him from having ANY visitation going forward.  Is this true, in your experience?  Do you have any advice for me as I embark on this process? Many, many Lovefraud readers have realized to their horror that they've had a child or children with a sociopath. Once you realize that your fo …

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