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Archive for March, 2007

Abuse, domestic violence and visitation

Last week I defined four types of love fraud that constitute points on a continuum from predatory love fraud to adultery. In all these relationships, one member of the couple inflicts physical, mental and/or financial injury on the other. Unfortunately, the presence of children does not necessarily deter violence in relationships. The fact that children can be caught in the middle in violent relationships is illustrated by the following news story reported this week.

Allergic to the sociopath I take action to stay free of the allergen

I’ve developed an allergy that is visible on my face as a red, angry-looking rash that is very itchy and sore. The doctor isn’t sure what is causing it — neither am I. It could be the air or sun, or something environmental in the house. It is a process of recording when it flares up and if I can’t eliminate the source, of undergoing allergy testing. In the meantime, the cream is starting to calm the redness and puffiness of my skin which is a relief. It’s been irritating to say the least.This morning, as I applied a ‘thin layer’ to my face, I was wishing it would hurry up and work. Couldn’t it do its job faster?

Sort of like after the sociopath was removed from my life. Couldn’t I hurry up and get over it?

Posted in: M.L. Gallagher

ASK DR. LEEDOM: “My ex-husband acts perverted around the children!”

Recently, a reader posted this in a comment about the father of her children. The comment contains several questions, I’ll address the most concerning first. To read the full comment, see Love Fraud: A spectrum (Part 1).

Understanding that sociopaths murder the spirit

Here is an e-mail exchange that recently took place between me and a Lovefraud reader:

Arlene: I was married to a man for 23 years. I found out so much in the last few years. He murdered my soul, my spirit, and financially devastated me. He moved another woman … brainwashed my children. My 18 yr old now is on cocaine…she was a nice girl…he has trashed her also and she is not living with me. The children now that were close to me are not empathetic and cold.

Love fraud: A spectrum (Part 1)

The recent post on marital misconduct, and the many letters I have received from Lovefraud readers, have caused me to conclude that love fraud is a spectrum. Because love fraud is a spectrum, there is some confusion about it. To clear up the confusion, this week I will describe the range of motives for this fraudulent behavior. Remember that one of the most important biologic/social functions of love relationships is to produce and raise children. In my opinion, love fraud that involves children is the most serious. These children did not ask to be born and are at the mercy of the adults responsible for bringing them into the world. Next week we will discuss the implications of the spectrum of love fraud for children.

Divorce and marital misconduct

Editor’s note: The following article, written by Laura Johnson, is reproduced from SmartDivorce.com. It offers tips that may help people who are divorcing a sociopath.

Even though your state may be a no-fault divorce state, it doesn’t mean that you or your spouse won’t have to answer in some way for any misbehavior during the marriage. It’s what divorce lawyers and courts refer to as marital misconduct and, in certain states, can affect the outcome of the division of property, an award of spousal support, or an award of attorney’s fees for the victim-spouse.

ASK Dr. LEEDOM: What is the difference between bipolar disorder and sociopathy?

A Lovefraud reader sent the following question:

I have friend who is diagnosed as manic depressive. He displays or exhibits some of the traits of a sociopath, but I read that being manic depressives clouds whether someone is a sociopath. I don’t want to believe he is a sociopath, but I also do not want to be a fool. Suggestions or thoughts? I have one person telling me he’s a sociopath and I need to run away from him as fast as possible. That seems like the cowardly thing to do though. If we approached all people with problems that way, where would our society be?

It’s up to me!

Once upon a time I fell in love with a dream. Well, actually, I thought I fell in love with a man, but he turned out to be a sociopath, and my life became a nightmare. But that’s a whole other story about a whole other lifetime ago! (You can read about it in The Dandelion Spirit. A true life fairy tale of love, lies and letting go.)

Posted in: M.L. Gallagher

Employee from hell sounds like a psychopath

The cover photo of Fortune Small Business magazine’s March issue is a guy sitting on top of a water cooler. He’s wearing a red striped shirt and a blue and red tie. He has red horns popping out of his bald head. The topic: “Employees from hell.”

One of the cover stories is about The turncoat No. 2 who tries to take over the business. A woman who started a company hired a guy, called Benedict Arnold in the story, as her second-in-command. After about a year, she noticed that Arnold was inflating his expenses, taking two- and three-hour lunches, and showing up late for important meetings.

ASK DR. LEEDOM: I don’t understand why I still care

One of our readers wrote the following, nearly everyone of us has expressed the same sentiments:

One phone conversation with him could go from loving words in the very begining to total ugliness toward the end and he would often get really mean and hang up on me. It was like he was Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde all rolled into one. You never knew what he was going to be like…

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