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Archives for 2009

You are here: Home / Archives for 2009

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved the person he was pretending to be.

October 15, 2009 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  17 Comments

Editor's note: This story was received from a reader who goes by the name of “Elegy.” I married a sociopath. Like most of them, he came off charming and wonderful at first. We met at church. Looking back, I realize there were many red flags ”¦ but what I told myself was that you can't dismiss someone just because they're not perfect. Everyone has flaws, and he was only twenty-five. Hey, young guys (and girls) can sometimes do stupid things. Let them know what's bothering you about it and hope things change. And things did change. He would apologize. He gave me the "I had no idea" line, or the "I'm so sorry, it will never happen again" line, and it actually seemed as if it wouldn …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved the person he was pretending to be.Read More

Category: Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales

After the sociopath is gone: Leap before you look.

October 14, 2009 //  by M.L. Gallagher//  29 Comments

I work in a homeless shelter. It is a place where people are worn down by their stories, day in, day out. They carry the load like a weight upon their shoulders, sitting at tables with hunched shoulders, rounded backs. They walk with shuffling footsteps, backs curled into their chests, their hopes gripped in hands buried deep down into their pockets, forever fearful of coming up empty handed. And every day they wait. And wait. For someone to rescue them. For someone to deliver an answer. An escape. A way out. Another direction. When you're down and out, living below poverty, on the wrong side of easy street, sometimes all you've got to make yourself visible is the story you carry to mark …

After the sociopath is gone: Leap before you look.Read More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She wanted complete power and control over my dad and all his affairs

October 12, 2009 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  81 Comments

Editor's note: Even in old age, sociopaths do not give up their predatory game. I've heard several stories of sociopathic senior citizens, still looking for targets. Following is one of them, submitted by a reader who we'll call “Edith.” After 40-plus years of marriage my mother died, leaving my Dad, in his 60's, bereft and vulnerable ”¦ Within a few weeks this loving man, known for his kindness, empathy and ethical character, told me about a woman in his widow/widower support group who was being very persistent in suggesting they go out for coffee or a walk and that he "wasn't ready for that." BUT HE FELT SO SORRY FOR HER because she couldn't stop crying (pity play that seemed normal und …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She wanted complete power and control over my dad and all his affairsRead More

Category: Female sociopaths, Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales, Seduced by a sociopath

Running your life like a business

October 9, 2009 //  by Donna Andersen//  164 Comments

By Ox Drover Most victims and former victims of sociopaths are extremely capable and smart people, so why exactly did these really smart people go “bankrupt” in their personal lives by letting a sociopath take over? That's a question that has plagued me since I started on the road to healing. I've always been a pretty astute businessperson and an excellent manager of both personnel and resources in my professional life. Why did I do so well in my professional life and go so wrong in my personal life? I finally came to the conclusion that I ran my business like a business and I let my personal life be run in a very ”un-businesslike” manner. I'll use my farm as an example. I had a herd of c …

Running your life like a businessRead More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

After the sociopath is gone: Changing our language

October 8, 2009 //  by M.L. Gallagher//  117 Comments

On May 21, 2003 I was given the miracle of my life. The sociopath who had terrorized my existence for almost five years was arrested and I was set free from the web of his deceit. Almost imperceptibly, healing began. Without his sinister presence, the FOG of his lies began to lift. Even though I was scared, and beaten down, I began to think and feel and take action for myself, not based on what he had told me was best or good for me, but based on what was best and healing and supportive of me. Without his insidious words stealing my peace of mind with every breath, I began to unravel the web of his deceit and find myself again. I began to make choices that loved me. Choices based on my …

After the sociopath is gone: Changing our languageRead More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m Not a Sociopath

October 8, 2009 //  by Steve Becker, LCSW

Ladies and gentlemen, hello”¦and thanks for inviting me to speak to you about sociopathy. As an audience, you come highly recommended by my good friend Phil, who visited with you last winter as a narcissism expert, and who, I understand, you basically booed off the lectern. By way of personal disclosure, I can tell you that I've been diagnosed as a sociopath separately by several prominent clinicians all of whom, let me establish candidly, were complete charlatans. As a matter of fact, this is the basis of my book, which of course is prominently displayed for purchase on the table in the back, entitled, “How Three Utter Clinical Charlatans Separately Diagnosed Me as a Sociopath.” Just a lit …

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m Not a SociopathRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath

Exposing the sociopath

October 5, 2009 //  by Donna Andersen//  184 Comments

Last week Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader: I would like to expose the person who bilked me for thousands of dollars. I am going to file a claim in small claims court so there will be some public record, but I thought about having a web site that would be linked when someone Googled his name. Is this legal? If I tell only the truth about him, is that legal? I want to protect other women from this sociopath; I don't know how. I thought if people were able to Google his name and know about his lies and deceit, they could have the knowledge I never did and could make better choices than me. Any and all information would be helpful. Many people have asked the same …

Exposing the sociopathRead More

Category: Media sociopaths

After the sociopath: How do we heal? Part 14 – Discovering What We Are Capable Of

October 4, 2009 //  by Kathleen Hawk//  198 Comments

The Buddhists say that we fall in love with our teachers. I know that in my relationship with the man I now belief is a sociopath, I realized early that I was in a sort of classroom. He clearly saw the world differently than I did, and operated on principles that were so foreign to me that I couldn't begin to connect the dots. I was truly in love with this man, had a clear vision of the benefits a good relationship would bring to both of us, and wanted to make it work. So I tried to understand. I kept trying through all the emotional pain that started very early in the relationship. I worked at getting him to appreciate and trust me more than he did. I also experimented with mimicking his …

After the sociopath: How do we heal? Part 14 – Discovering What We Are Capable OfRead More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

Experiencing the impact of grief, Part 2

October 2, 2009 //  by Donna Andersen//  168 Comments

By Ox Drover In Part I we looked at what grief is and what “stages” we may pass through when we lose something or someone of great importance to us. We saw that grief can be “legitimate,” in which others “support us” by validating that we have a reason to be sad over the loss. Yet, there can be “disenfranchised” grief, grief that others do not view as “legitimate” reasons for grief, or shameful private grief that we cannot share. In their attempts to “help” us, many people make fumbling attempts to “cheer us up” or to trivialize our pain, or attach “reasonable” time limits to how long we are able to grieve, which disenfranchises our pain. Since most people view “grief” as equal to “Sadness …

Experiencing the impact of grief, Part 2Read More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

Experiencing the impact of grief, Part 1

October 1, 2009 //  by Donna Andersen//  138 Comments

By Ox Drover Many of the people who have been victims of a sociopath have commented here at Lovefraud about how much “different” breaking up with a sociopath is than a “regular” break up, how much more painful. I've read comments from former victims about how intense the feelings are after being conned by a sociopath whatever the relationship has been, whether family member, spouse, lover, or child. I have also felt these same profoundly hurtful feelings as I have worked my way along the difficult and rocky road toward healing. Even though my profession was as a registered nurse practitioner, and I've studied “the grief process” as outlined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, one of the people who ha …

Experiencing the impact of grief, Part 1Read More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

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