How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A broken military system, a simple request

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Editor's Note: Kathleen Mills first contacted Lovefraud in September 2006 about her military husband, who she believes is a sociopath. He filed for divorce, deployed to Iraq and refused to pay her the financial support that by law, military families are entitled to receive. A year ago Kathy sued the Ohio National Guard and the governor of Ohio. “My situation is still the same,” she wrote last week. “My husband is still committing BAH fraud, with the open knowledge not only of the Guard, but the governor's office.” Kathy Mills is editor of the divorce section of www.4militaryfamilies.com. She has been invited to testify before the House Armed Services sub-committee. The followi …

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Back to school: Talking about sociopaths

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Last week, I was invited to participate in a “Women's History Breakfast” at a local high school. The school asked six local women to speak about obstacles they've overcome in their lives and careers to a group of approximately 50 girls. I used the opportunity to talk about sociopaths. First, I briefly summarized my story: I married James Montgomery, an Australian, who told me he was a Hollywood movie producer and screenwriter, a war hero who served in Vietnam with Special Forces, and who came to Atlantic City to open an electronic theme park for adults on the Boardwalk. The only thing that was true was that he was Australian. Montgomery took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least si …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Spiritual encouragement for survivors

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Editor's note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we've heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation. A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful. For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the suppor …

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Physiologically, power makes it easier to lie

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A new study by the Columbia Business School is titled, People with power are better liars. The average liar experiences negative emotions, physiological stress and fear of getting caught. Power, however, enhances the same emotional, cognitive and physiological systems that lying depletes. So holding power over others makes it easier to lie. Read People in power make better liars, study shows on Msnbc.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader via Facebook. …

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Psychopaths, crime and choice

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In 1978, Rodney Alcala of California approached Liane Leedom, who was 17 years old at the time. He struck up a conversation, showed her some of his photographs, and then asked to photograph her. Although he was later convicted of murdering four women and a girl, Rodney Alcala did not kill Liane Leedom. In 1983, Brian Dugan of Illinois abducted and murdered a 10-year-old girl. The next year he raped and murdered a 27-year-old woman, and the following year he raped and murdered a 7-year-old girl. Both of these men are psychopaths. They're both facing the death penalty for their crimes. But last November, at Brian Dugan's sentencing, defense attorneys argued that because the man had a …

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Rodney Alcala: The “sociopath next door”

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Last Tuesday night, I woke up at about 2 AM unable to sleep. I turned on CNN and there was Rodney Alcala, a man who lived down the street from the house I grew up in, in Monterey Park, California. I was not surprised to see a story about him since I knew of his arrests and convictions for murder. When Anderson Cooper said the police just released hundreds of photographs found in a Seattle storage locker belonging to Alcala, I sat up to take a closer look. Sure enough, at least 4 pictures of me at age 17 were among those found by police and released out of worry that they depict victims. My initial reaction was one of embarrassment, and I eagerly awaited the hours to pass so I could …

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The Sociopath Holding Court

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(The following is a satirical piece; it is not meant to trivialize sociopaths and the damage they inflict on others. Rather, through satire, the piece is meant to dramatize, in exaggerated fashion, some of the sociopath's notable  linguistic, defensive and manipulative machinations.) Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, and particularly you, young lady. I believe you are juror #7? If you don't mind, you are looking strikingly beautiful today; then again, that implies that you weren't looking just as distractingly gorgeous as yesterday, which you were. Already the prosecution raises an objection? My, we're getting started early this morning, counsel? Rough night? I ask …

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Psychopaths show overactive dopamine systems

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Why do psychopaths go after what they want regardless of the negative consequences they may experience? According to the journal Nature Neuroscience, the answer may be chemical—an overactive dopamine reward system. Read Driven toward reward without regard for consequence on Time.com. Read the scientific study, Mesolimbic dopamine reward system hypersensitivity in individuals with psychopathic traits, in Nature Neuroscience. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader via Facebook. …

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Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath

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SPONSORED CONTENT The most heartbreaking dramas that sociopaths create are those that involve children. Many sociopathic parents stand up in court proclaiming that they “only want what is best for the children.” They're lying. What they really want is to use the children as clubs to beat their ex-partners into submission. There is no such thing as a simple phone call to find out what little Johnny needs to bring to soccer practice. Every phone call or e-mail is an opportunity for the sociopath to manipulate, denigrate and infuriate the ex, through lies, innuendo and misinformation. For the parent trying to protect the children, it's exhausting. A few months ago, Lovefraud published a …

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Why we fall for the con

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All of us who have been conned by sociopaths ask ourselves, why did I fall for it? How could I have been so stupid to trust him (or her)? Well, it turns out that there's a chemical reason—oxytocin. According to an article on Psychologytoday.com: Social interactions engage a powerful brain circuit that releases the neurochemical oxytocin when we are trusted and induces a desire to reciprocate the trust we have been shown—even with strangers. Read How to run a con, on Psychologytoday.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …

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