How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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A Valentine to you: Yes, after the sociopath, you can love again

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Not long ago, Lovefraud received the following note from a reader: Your articles have given me a lot of peace and the ability to see good in life again, though I'll never go back into the mainstream of society because of the abuse and betrayal I've experienced. It's sad that the vision and understanding one achieves after being victimized by a sociopath prevents you from ever being able to get close to anyone again. I'm working through that though, so I just take it one step at a time. Maybe you could write some more about that? Yes, dear readers, we do need to take recovery one step at a time. But know that we can go back to the mainstream of society. We can recover to the point of a …

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How does ODD relate to sociopathy?

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This week a reader asked about a disorder called ODD and its relationship to sociopathy. ODD or oppositional defiant disorder is a childhood disorder. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists: In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster's day to day functioning. Symptoms of ODD may include: • Frequent temper tantrums • Excessive arguing with adults • Often questioning rules • Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules • Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people • Blaming …

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Tell the experts about your experience with a sociopath

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Lovefraud invites you to complete a survey about your experience with a sociopath/psychopath/narcissist in order to help professionals diagnose this disorder properly. Two days ago, the American Psychiatric Association released a draft of the fifth edition its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM 5). This book is the standard classification of mental disorders used by mental health and other professionals. The revision has been underway for a decade. A work group of 11 doctors and psychologists focused on the section about personality and personality disorders. They have recommended significant changes to the description of antisocial personality …

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A story. My story. Dancing in the arms of love.

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She waited. Patient. Patiently. I'll wait for you forever, she told him. And so she waited. She waited and waited but still he never came. She called. Impatient. Impatiently. She called and she called and still he never answered. She searched. For him. For answers. For hope. And still her hands came up empty. I am your only hope, he'd told her. I am the one you've been waiting for. And so, she waited. In the dark. Through the dawn. Throughout the day. And still, he never came. He'd promised to come. Promised to bring her the keys to their new home. The money he owed. He promised to give back the dreams he'd killed. The trust he'd broken. The hopes he'd dashed. Today, he'd …

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Stolen Valor v. First Amendment

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The Stolen Valor Act declared war on military phonies. Signed into law in 2006, the federal law made it illegal for any unauthorized person to wear, manufacture, sell, barter or claim any military decoration or medal. Phonies are rampant. An organization called AuthentiSEALS, which worked to expose men who falsely claimed to be members of the elite SEAL teams, estimated that there were 300 impostors for each real SEAL. AuthentiSEALs disbanded in 2005 because its members were exhausted from checking out all the liars. We've certainly seen the phenomenon here at Lovefraud. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, was one of those who falsely claimed to be a Special Forces operative. He also …

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Civil commitment of sociopaths

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I recently read an interesting discussion of the civil commitment of sex offenders in the Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law by Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D. and colleagues. I had some thoughts about the article I'd like to share with you. Many states in the United States now have laws that allow for a sexually violent predator (SVP) or a sexually dangerous person (SDP) to be committed to a mental hospital or forced into outpatient supervision once they have completed their prison sentence. In these states, mental health professionals are asked to evaluate potentially dangerous sociopaths and decide whether there is enough risk to society to warrant either inpatient or …

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Will Allen Jordan, bigamist and sex offender, on the loose in New Jersey

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Lovefraud has just posted a new True Lovefraud Story about Will Allen Jordan, a con man, bigamist and sex offender who, from our information, has returned to New Jersey and is trolling dating sites looking for his next victim. I've heard a lot of stories about sociopaths, and this guy is one of the worst. He has the ability, often found in sociopathic cult leaders, to get into the minds of his victims and twist their thinking. He is frightening. Will Allen Jordan had a criminal record in the United States, where he was born. In 1992, he seduced a British woman and left the country with her, moving to the UK. He was able to start a new life, but he didn't change his ways. In 2000, he …

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The sociopath’s imperturbability

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The sociopath's imperturbability has been widely noted. However, this is a generalization, not true of all sociopaths in all situations. A sociopath around whom the net is closing, who recognizes that he's played his last card and finds, alas, that the game is ending and that he faces inescapable consequences—sociopaths in this circumstance may feel forms of perturbability, like anxiety and worry. But in situations where he perceives his security (however unrealistically) to be relatively unthreatened—especially where his grandiosity and sense of omnipotence remain relatively intact—the sociopath can be curiously imperturbable. Imperturbable, that is, in the commission of his viola …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How should I “be” around my ex?

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In February 1999, my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, was finished with me. I had no more money, no more credit and no more earning capacity, because my business was ruined. So Montgomery arranged for me to find out that he'd had a child with another woman during our marriage. With this, I left, as I'm sure he expected. Oh, he made a few attempts to reel me back in. “It's not what you think,” he said. “Let me explain.” I didn't. I kept driving. I never saw him again. And now, after hearing so many of your stories about the sociopaths who won't go away, I realize how lucky I was. I didn't have a child with him. I didn't have to attempt to co-parent with a sociopath, while the so …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: It starts at home

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Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader One_Step_at_a_Time sent the following post. Finally, after a long break, I have returned to reading The Betrayal Bond. I feel immediately open when I read the concepts presented in it, and I feel protected, like someone actually has my best interest at heart. The spath did not. And yet she did things looked like she cared for me, or perhaps she was just protecting her supply. I don't know yet, but as I remember and unravel my experience with her, I will start to write those things down, and ask here, "please decode this for me, ”˜cause I just don't know, it is too close and I cannot see the whole of its shape." Tonight, after an intense week that w …

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