New research shows that emotional and physical pain draw responses from the same regions of the brain. Read To the brain, getting burned, getting dumped feel the same, on CNN.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Sociopaths change our beliefs about being human
Lovefraud received the following e-mail recently from a reader, who we'll call “Iris.” She was married for 20 years to a man who she now realizes is a sociopath. I avoid talking to my ex-husband as much as possible, but he is 4 months behind on court ordered spousal support as I am in school getting my business degree and working. He has to pay $600 a month for 3 years. The court also ordered the support to pay me back for $11,000 I had to put into our house and property to make it "sellable" after he left me in the dust and moved to another state. He left me with 5 acres, a house falling apart, a barn with code violations, and our 3 family dogs. I went into survival mode and got it all …
Being a “judgmental person” is more than okay–it is wise
By Ox Drover Many people think of the term “judging others” in a negative way. I think a lot of this comes from the Biblical admonition found in which Jesus said, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1). Matthew 7:2-5 says, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” What Jesus was condemning here was hypocritical, self-righteous judgments of others. I frequently hear others say, “Well, I'm not judging him ”¦” when they talk about how someone they know has done something that is less than morally upright. When I was a young person in this community of mostly Scots-Irish Protestants, people were …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I would rather be homeless than spend another day feeling soul-less
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who we'll call “Chelsea.” Wow, my eyes have been opened! My soul is trying to heal from the wounds I suffered being with what I now know without a doubt is a genuine SP man! My story begins on August 2005 when I walked into the restaurant and met who I thought was the most charming and compassionate man ever. I was with one of my best friends, and we began to chat when two fellows approached us and asked if we would like a drink. It seem harmless to us at the time, and we accepted their offer and began chatting with them. The first man seemed intoxicated and was acting very loud and immature. He was flirting with me …
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What was your turning point?
Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman whose daughter is caught in the web of a sociopath. The woman and her husband are not enabling the relationship—the sociopath, of course, wants money. They are hoping and praying that their daughter will escape. Here is her question to other Lovefaud readers: What was the "turning point," "awakening moment," "realization point," that woke them up OUT of the fog, the gaslighting, etc., and what made them realize they needed to RUN, to get away from their sociopaths? What finally "did it," what finally "broke the camel's back?" Where they realized what was happening to them, had been done to them, when they finally realized things were …
BOOK REVIEWS: Looking at love and fraud from both sides
By Ox Drover I just finished reading the dueling autobiographies of the disgraced former governor of New Jersey, James E. McGreevey, and his ex-wife, Dino Matos McGreevey. His book is called The Confession and hers is called Silent Partner. Former Governor McGreevey, as you may remember, publicly announced in 2004 that he was resigning as governor of New Jersey because he was being blackmailed by a former homosexual lover. As he pronounced to the world that he was a “gay American,” as he styled himself, his then-wife, Dina Matos McGreevey, stood beside him with a stricken deer-in-the-head-lights look. Many times we get a book from one or the other of two aggrieved parties that …
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The Sociopath as “The Missing Link?”
Is it possible that the sociopath is, in a sense, the missing link? Who is he? He is human but, in another sense, not quite human. Much like the Neandarthals, who were humans but not quite homo sapiens, and whom you'd have had a hard time differentiating from homo sapiens in a crowd, the sociopath may mix in seamlessly with the more fully developed human race. Meaning, like the Neandarthal race of humans, he isn't noticeably different, at least not by appearances, from his fellow homo sapiens. And yet he is different”¦he is missing something. There is something primitive and underdeveloped in him. This is a very crude analogy, admittedly. Neandarthals weren't more sociopath than their …
Clueless experts lump personality disorders together
The BBC recently wrote that people need to be more aware of personality disorders, including antisocial personality disorder so far, so good. Then the article stated that most people with personality disorders do not commit offenses, and says: Experts are now trying to train those who are most likely to come into contact with a personality disorder how to recognise the condition to make the situation easier to manage. This is crucial because the way in which staff interact with someone who has a personality disorder can affect the patient's condition. Sigh. This education process is going to be long and hard. Read Personality disorders are 'widespread,' say experts, on …
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RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Why sociopaths sometimes kill themselves
Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. She has also created a wonderful animation that describes the antics of a sociopath, called Exposing the Mask of Insanity. View the animation here. The sociopath's unconscious death wish By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide I recently received an email from one of my readers saying that her husband and mother, who are both sociopaths, had suicide clauses in their wills, so I decided to write …
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A spath behind every bush
I wrote an article not long ago about settling on a name for the personality disorder that we spend our time here talking about. I suggested using "sociopath" as a general term for exploitative people. Many of us have taken to shortening this term to "spath." Well, a Lovefraud reader "Justdreamin" informs us that "spath" is taken. She saw it on a flower pot, and sent us the photos. It turns out that "spath" is a shortened version of "spathiphyllum," which is the botanical name for the peace lilly, a common houseplant. We might have to come up with a new name. If I were a beautiful peace lily, I wouldn't want to share a name with the nasty predators. …