The State of New York just passed a law allowing same sex-couples to marry. Opponents of same-sex marriage complain that the practice undermines the institution of marriage. Therefore, Congress enacted the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in 1996, which bared federal recognition of same-sex marriages and allowed states to do the same. DOMA also created a federal definition of "marriage" and "spouse". Marriage is defined as a "legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife," and spouse is defined as "a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife." To all those who really want to defend marriage, I say that nothing undermines the institution of marriage more than …
TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: I can’t help but wish he was the sweet, “genuine” person I fell for
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a young woman whom we'll call “Krista.” She needs support. If you have any words of encouragement, please offer them. I am so lost and upset. I am 22, I was with a guy for about a year ”¦ he swept me off my feet with his charm and seemingly genuine character. I am a good girl, never got into anything bad, partied in college but never got in trouble. I met my ex out of pure boredom, knew him from high school (he had a terrible "bad boy" reputation). He literally said all the right things, charmed me and I fell hard. He got me with his sad story too (his mom passed away when he was 10 from a heroin overdose, and has 5 siblings an …
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Recovering from a sociopathic relationship is different
A Lovefraud reader asked me what I thought of advice offered on a website called “Womensdivorce.com.” In a post about relationships after divorce, the website says women should start dating as soon as possible. It also seems to advocate that women engage in brief sexual affairs, and find a transitional partner who can help a woman heal, but whom she shouldn't marry. Read Your first relationship after divorce, on Womensdivorce.com. My reaction is that this advice may be okay for someone involved in one of those amicable divorces, where the partners simply grew apart, are still on speaking terms or even friends, and want what is best for their children. The advice is terrible for someone …
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Self-diagnosing sociopathy
A 24-year-old guy described himself in an Internet forum: He doesn't feel emotion, is an excellent liar, becomes bored quickly, and experiences an adrenalin rush when deceiving or angering someone else. He asks, is he a sociopath? I'd answer yes. The post is an interesting insight into how a disordered young man perceives himself and others. Read Self-diagnosing sociopathy on the Dr. Robert forum. …
Advice for women not involved with sociopaths
In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner's wife, who I'm sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce. The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn't apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized. In short, this story offers advice for women co …
Psycho Squirrel
As I was trying to come up with an idea for this week's blog post, my husband, Terry, made a suggestion: “Why don't you write about Psycho Squirrel?” Last fall, we started tossing peanuts in the shells to squirrels in our backyard. We were captivated by the show they put on as they acrobatically chased each other along the fence and through the tree branches. Plus, we liked being nice to our furry neighbors. Most of the squirrels picked up the peanuts and scurried away, burying them to eat in the winter. A couple of squirrels, however, were smart. They learned that humans meant food, and every time they saw us, bounded over to the ground below our back deck. They'd sit on their hind leg …
Book Review: Evil Genes
Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) Dr. Barbara Oakley is the author of Evil Genes—Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole My Mother's Boyfriend. Oakley's resume reads like something out of a spy novel: She worked as a translator on Russian fishing trawlers during the Cold War, went from a private to an officer in the military, met her husband while working as a radio operator at the South Pole, and is now a professor of bio-engineering. About this book, Gavin DeBecker writes, “Whatever you might believe about the role of genetics versus environment, Evil Genes will take you somewhere you haven't been. Barbara Oakley brilliantly reveals the falseness of one …
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Everything about the sociopath invites us in
Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Gary Cundiff is a marriage and family therapist based in San Diego, California Through deception and mirroring, the sociopath exerts control By Gary Cundiff, MFT Gary Cundiff profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide Having fallen victim to the very thing I had dedicated my life to protecting others from is my reason for writing. To warn others and feasibly aid some. The inevitable harm from interacting with a sociopath is definitive. For some, years have been spent recovering. I am a mental health professional with years of …
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The Bachelorette and the sociopath
Last week, Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader: Not sure if you ever pick up on things that go on in the television arena, but Hollywood hit a new low this week with the third installment of The Bachelorette. The producers are supposed to pick fabulous, eligible bachelors, not sociopaths who set out to do psychological harm. As soon as it became evident that Bentley was without a conscience, purposely setting out to hurt Ashley Hebert, lure her in with false words while telling the cameras (behind her back) that she was ugly, not his type, blah, blah, blah, the producers had an obligation to tell Ashley the truth. But they chose to let Bentley ambush her and break her …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I got out before any damage could be done
Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Lorna.” I thought I'd write and tell you a success story, thanks to all the information you provide to help people to survive a sociopath. I've met them at various times in my life, however, I was lucky that I never married or got pregnant or lived with one. A couple of years ago, one crossed my path, and in a short time caused a lot of disruption before I dumped him. I pretty much forgot all about the narcissistic sociopath since then. I wanted to watch the Will and Kate wedding live, but didn't have TV, and on the West Coast it would be shown at 3 a.m. I posted on the activities partners section of Craigslist hop …
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