“There are thousands if not millions of people out there who have been targeted by sociopaths and I intend to do all I can to help them!” That's what Mel (short for Melanie) Carnegie wrote when she first contacted me not long ago. She, like many of us, had unknowingly married a sociopath back in 1998. It's a classic sociopathic seduction story they met, he swept her off her feet, they exchanged vows six days later. “I had never felt so loved, so safe, so special,” she wrote. “Of course, I now know it was all a sham.” Mel and her husband started a business coaching company in the United Kingdom that's where she's from and attracted many blue chip clients. They prospered, with a beautiful …
Why we fall for romance scams
Salon.com just posted an article about online romance scams, Facebook status: In a scam relationship, by Tracy Clark-Flory. The scams run like this: Perp finds a target online. They communicate via email, text and sometimes phone. Perp proclaims undying love. Maybe perp sends flowers and stuffed teddy bears. Perp suddenly has a dire emergency and needs money. Target sends money, and keeps sending money until there's none left. Apparently, romance scams—known as “love fraud,” according to the article—are a growth industry. The story quoted a man named Rob who lost $14,000 to a woman he never met. He is now a volunteer for RomanceScams.org, which has counseled 50,000 people who …
What are worthless and wicked people like? A Biblical description of the psychopath
Editor's note: Although this post describes the Judeo-Christian scripture, Lovefraud respects and honors all religious and spiritual traditions. By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) One of my favorite books of the Bible is Proverbs, which was attributed to Solomon, King of Israel, the son of King David. Though reputedly the wisest man in the world, Solomon didn't always put his philosophies and wisdom to good use in his own life. Nonetheless, the book does have a lot of wisdom in it, including this description of a psychopath. Proverbs 6:12-19, I think, is a perfect description of the psychopath. The New Living Bible translation: 12 What are worthless and wicked people like? They …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He will not let me go
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Gloria.” She's from Australia, and “pokies” are slot machine parlors. She would like some advice. I am a lady that had both hips replaced, my back fused in 2 places, and my neck also fused in 2 places. I met my love fraud when going through a court case, on my hip. My son has a mental illness. Met him at the pokies. I thought I met a wonderful man, he helped me out with my son, totally looked after me through a hip op. Told me he would look after me even if I was in a wheel chair, and even be my carer. I met his family and his parents, got engaged, was on cloud 9. If I won my court case we would get mar …
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Why we try to understand the psychopath
Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. Who is the fool? By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide A normal empathic individual will do their utmost to understand a psychopath, especially if they have no idea the person is a psychopath or has a personality disorder in the first place. Throughout the ages most people have had a fascination with evil, so when we suddenly find ourselves coming across someone who ticks all the boxes when it comes to …
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Like most sociopaths, Casey Anthony will crash and burn
Much of the United States erupted in outrage at the news that Casey Anthony was acquitted of murder. Bloggers and citizens asked: What was wrong with the jury? Couldn't these 12 people see through her lies? Even if they had been sequestered for the trial, the media had been reporting her loose relationship with truth for years. Read Casey Anthony's top 10 alleged lies on Investigation Discovery. Lies, however, do not prove that Anthony committed murder. Even Wendy Murphy, the feminist lawyer who vociferously supports battered mothers and abused children, predicted that Casey Anthony would walk. Why? The prosecution did not have proof, beyond a reasonable doubt, that she committed the …
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Psychology Today on how to spot a narcissist
A Lovefraud reader informs us that the current issue of Psychology Today features an article about narcissists—how they behave, and how to detect them. It's an interesting article, because narcissism is a component of sociopathy. All sociopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopaths. Read How to spot a narcissist, on PsychologyToday.com. Note: The article quotes the theories of a researcher named Peter Jonason, among others. Lovefraud has written about Jonason's ideas before—I don't agree with them. You can read it here: Psychopaths, silly science and James Bond …
Sociopaths, stress and physical sickness
Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as “Shocknawe” posted information in a comment about the physical condition of adrenal fatigue. I invited him to write a full blog post on the topic. Please remember that Lovefraud is not a medical resource, and if you are suffering from symptoms like those discussed below you should consult a doctor. How to recover from adrenal fatigue By Shocknawe As victims of psycho/sociopaths, we know all too well the damage inflicted upon us. But I discovered that the toll taken has an additional component one that, left untreated, can set our progress towards recovery back by months and even years. The good news, however, is that we can take some s …
When amoral characters just aren’t sociopaths
You can sit with a sociopath and know he's a sociopath, and sit with someone who perpetrates the behaviors of the sociopath, even as comfortably as the sociopath does, and yet know he's not a sociopath. How? How can you know? Is it something intuitive? I address this from a clinical perspective, not a personal or intimate one. But still, I find it somewhat interesting to feel, or recognize, this distinction, and maybe you'll find it more relevant than I imagine. Of course, the history says a lot. Whenever you are dealing with someone who is raising his kids with some real love, holding down a job, paying his bills, not abusing his spouse and maintaining a history (past and present) of …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I left my family and friends to marry him
Editor's note: Last year, Donna Andersen appeared in the premiere episode of "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?" on the Investigation Discovery Network. The show recently aired on Discovery Home and Health, a Spanish language station, in Central America. Lovefraud has heard from viewers in Mexico and Guatemala. Following is an e-mail from a woman whom we'll call “Blanca.” I saw your history in Discovery Home and Health here at Mexico, and I was surprised because everything you described was like a part of my personal life. I'm part of those worldwide victims, sadly here at Mexico there are not specific laws to deal with his kind of situation. My story began by e-mail. I really don't know …
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