By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Back in the days when wars were fought with bows and arrows, swords and slings, soldiers wore armor to protect themselves from the enemy's weapons. Various kinds of armor were designed to protect the soldiers, while at the same time giving them the ability to move. At each of the places that were left open so that the soldier could move, there was a “chink” in the armor. This was where an enemy's arrow, spear tip or sword could pierce between the plates on either side. So the term “chink in the armor” came to mean the places where we were vulnerable to attack, even though we were covered everywhere else by protective armor. As far as I know, there was n …
Another reason to discuss psychopathy: Jane’s story
It is cleansing for people to discuss their experiences with psychopathy. Some stories are unbelievable, mimicking the material that should only appear in movies. Others pack a less dramatic punch, but are, perhaps, even more devastating. That's the nature of most brushes with psychopathy. When the stories are ours, however, it is not until we start to learn about the disorder, that we are able to begin making sense of the non-sense and heal. Without a working knowledge, success is rare. Our desire to identify and overcome is often how we end up here. Since I began sharing what I know, many have begun telling me of their struggles. Often, they have few words for the relief this brings …
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New Endings
Sitting here in my kitchen in France, I am pondering what may now lie ahead. The past fewmonths have been, it's fair to say, a pretty strange ride even by my book - a case of fact being far stranger than fiction. But here I am now, facing another ending. This time it's the ending of what has been a good and healthy relationship, but one that has now run it's course. It's time to move on. I don't know what the future may hold, but I'm hoping that one day I will once again feel sunshine in my heart. My time with Patrice has given me the opportunity to feel genuine love. To share. To honour boundaries. To be real. To trust feelings. To be open. To appreciate the humanness of two souls who came …
A mother paid the ultimate price
Many of us have faced condemnation by strangers, friends and family members for having been romantically involved with someone who turned out to be a sociopath. It takes a very strong person not to allow this condemnation to turn to self-doubt; we may blame ourselves as much as others blame us. I have been lucky because the experience of getting to know other victims has taught me that many fine people have been conned. Furthermore, many of the conned tried to do their homework, they tried to protect themselves. Although highly intelligent, they were simply out maneuvered by an individual who was a professional con artist, a criminal who earns a living by preying on others. To all …
Critiquing “The Wisdom of Psychopaths,” by Kevin Dutton, Ph.D.
Kevin Dutton's “The Wisdom of Psychopaths” is a strange, ultimately disconcerting book. Dutton is erudite and obviously fascinated with his subject—psychopaths. He references some cutting edge research and had access to many heavy hitters in the field of psychopathy experts. Yet in the end, I find his book very troubling. His thesis is basically what the book's subversive title suggests—that psychopaths have qualities of “wisdom.” That is, psychopaths, he asserts, have certain admirable, enviable and distinguishing qualities in greater volumes than non-psychopaths, qualities the non-psychopath could benefit from in greater quantity so long as (unlike psychopaths) the non-psychopath can r …
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Reminder of the brazen lies
I live four miles from where Hurricane Sandy made landfall in New Jersey. The bay, dramatically swollen by rain, wind and storm surge, left three feet of water in the ground floor of my home. We're slowly cleaning up the mess. On several occasions, government and agency officials have been on our street to see how we're making out. City officials were walking around the day after we were allowed to return home. A week later, a man from FEMA (the Federal Emergency Management Agency) knocked on our door and gave us a flier for disaster assistance. A week after that a woman from the Red Cross stopped by, checking to see if anyone needed services. Yesterday, we had another visitor. A man …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Cognitive Dissonance and the Psychopath
Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Betsybugs." The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feeling of discomfort and confusion that results from holding two conflicting beliefs. When there is a discrepancy between beliefs or beliefs and behaviors, something must change in order to eliminate or reduce the mental conflict. Psychopaths use cognitive dissonance to entangle victims, to keep victims confused and docile and to create pain. My story is a story of cognitive dissonance. My cognitive dissonance began in childhood when my father would go into rages, chase one of his daughters into a corner and beat the living daylights …
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Lovefraud reader gets con man Alistair Stewart jailed for his £600,000 con
Nina Siegenthaler, a smart, sophisticated real estate agent in the Turks and Caicos Islands, called me about 18 months ago, trying to figure out what had happened to her. She lost £600,000 to a British con man who posed as a former investment banker. Siegenthaler worked with British authorities to get the guy prosecuted. Last week, he pleaded guilty to fraud. He is now in jail awaiting his sentencing. Here's more on the story: 'I had to stop him fleecing other women': Caribbean victim of hedge fund fantasist lost more than £600,000 through 'dating a sociopath,' on Dailymail.co.uk. Conman's £600,000 fraud posing as retired Goldman Sachs billionaire, on Telegraph.co.uk. …
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6-year-old Jersey Bridgeman: Chained to dresser, now dead
Last year the little girl was found chained to a dresser. Now, with both her father and step-mother in jail, she was found dead. Jersey Bridgeman, 6-year-old girl chained to dresser last year, found dead, on HuffingtonPost.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
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Why do they always come bouncing back like bad pennies
By Sarah Strudwick It's just coming up for three years now since I wrote Dark Souls, in the hope it would help other women who have been though the same as me. In January 2010 I kicked out my psychopathic ex after uncovering a string of lies which included working for a job that never existed, feigning cancer, multiple sexploits on the internet, and advertising his services as a sperm donor. The list goes on. Over the last three years I have worked tirelessly to get myself out of debt, educate others and, more important, heal from the abuse. Yet up until a couple of months ago, this person continued to stalk me. I've had to change my phone number three times as a result, and I lost a …
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