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Archive for November, 2012

Where are the chinks in my armor?

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)

Back in the days when wars were fought with bows and arrows, swords and slings, soldiers wore armor to protect themselves from the enemy’s weapons. Various kinds of armor were designed to protect the soldiers, while at the same time giving them the ability to move. At each of the places that were left open so that the soldier could move, there was a “chink” in the armor. This was where an enemy’s arrow, spear tip or sword could pierce between the plates on either side. So the term “chink in the armor” came to mean the places where we were vulnerable to attack, even though we were covered everywhere else by protective armor.

Man saves himself, lets his children burn

It was supposed to be a murder-suicide, except the perp didn’t go through with the suicide. He’s received two life sentences for murder.

Father pleads guilty to killing his children in SUV blaze, on LATimes.com.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Another reason to discuss psychopathy: Jane’s story

It is cleansing for people to discuss their experiences with psychopathy.  Some stories are unbelievable, mimicking the material that should only appear in movies. Others pack a less dramatic punch, but are, perhaps, even more devastating.  That’s the nature of most brushes with psychopathy.  When the stories are ours, however, it is not until we start to learn about the disorder, that we are able to begin making sense of the non-sense and heal.  Without a working knowledge, success is rare.  Our desire to identify and overcome is often how we end up here.  Since I began sharing what I know, many have begun telling me of their struggles.  Often, they have few words for the relief this brings.  I am retelling one of those stories.  The person who shared it hopes that her story will help others, by either facilitating prevention or lending validation.

New Endings

Sitting here in my kitchen in France, I am pondering what may now lie ahead. The past fewmonths have been, it’s fair to say, a pretty strange ride even by my book – a case of fact being far stranger than fiction. But here I am now, facing another ending. This time it’s the ending of what has been a good and healthy relationship, but one that has now run it’s course. It’s time to move on. I don’t know what the future may hold, but I’m hoping that one day I will once again feel sunshine in my heart.

My time with Patrice has given me the opportunity to feel genuine love. To share. To honour boundaries. To be real. To trust feelings. To be open. To appreciate the humanness of two souls who came together and, I hope, gave and will continue to give enrichment to both our lives. From the very beginning we recognised that there were many differences between us – but through those differences we somehow found a middle ground where we both thrived.

A mother paid the ultimate price

Many of us have faced condemnation by strangers, friends and family members for having been romantically involved with someone who turned out to be a sociopath. It takes a very strong person not to allow this condemnation to turn to self-doubt; we may blame ourselves as much as others blame us. I have been lucky because the experience of getting to know other victims has taught me that many fine people have been conned.

Furthermore, many of the conned tried to do their homework, they tried to protect themselves. Although highly intelligent, they were simply out maneuvered by an individual who was a professional con artist, a criminal who earns a living by preying on others.

Critiquing “The Wisdom of Psychopaths,” by Kevin Dutton, Ph.D.

Kevin Dutton’s “The Wisdom of Psychopaths” is a strange, ultimately disconcerting book. Dutton is erudite and obviously fascinated with his subject””psychopaths. He references some cutting edge research and had access to many heavy hitters in the field of  psychopathy experts.

Yet in the end, I find his book very troubling. His thesis is basically what the book’s subversive title suggests””that psychopaths have qualities of “wisdom.” That is,  psychopaths, he asserts, have certain admirable, enviable and distinguishing qualities in greater volumes than non-psychopaths, qualities the non-psychopath could benefit from in greater quantity so long as (unlike psychopaths) the non-psychopath can regulate and express these “psychopathic qualities” appropriately, in the appropriate contexts.

Reminder of the brazen lies

I live four miles from where Hurricane Sandy made landfall in New Jersey. The bay, dramatically swollen by rain, wind and storm surge, left three feet of water in the ground floor of my home. We’re slowly cleaning up the mess.

On several occasions, government and agency officials have been on our street to see how we’re making out. City officials were walking around the day after we were allowed to return home. A week later, a man from FEMA (the Federal Emergency Management Agency) knocked on our door and gave us a flier for disaster assistance. A week after that a woman from the Red Cross stopped by, checking to see if anyone needed services.

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Cognitive Dissonance and the Psychopath

Editor’s note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Betsybugs.”

The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feeling of discomfort and confusion that results from holding two conflicting beliefs. When there is a discrepancy between beliefs or beliefs and behaviors, something must change in order to eliminate or reduce the mental conflict. Psychopaths use cognitive dissonance to entangle victims, to keep victims confused and docile and to create pain. My story is a story of cognitive dissonance.

Lovefraud reader gets con man Alistair Stewart jailed for his £600,000 con

Nina Siegenthaler, a smart, sophisticated real estate agent in the Turks and Caicos Islands, called me about 18 months ago, trying to figure out what had happened to her. She lost £600,000 to a British con man who posed as a former investment banker.

Siegenthaler worked with British authorities to get the guy prosecuted. Last week, he pleaded guilty to fraud. He is now in jail awaiting his sentencing. Here’s more on the story:

‘I had to stop him fleecing other women’: Caribbean victim of hedge fund fantasist lost more than £600,000 through ‘dating a sociopath,’ on Dailymail.co.uk.

Lawyer Lisa Biron faces child porn charges

Lisa Biron, of Manchester, New Hampshire, is charged with transporting a teenage girl to Canada and filmed her engaging in sexual activity. And that’s just one of the allegations.

Manchester lawyer facing federal child pornography charges arrested by FBI at courthouse, on ConcordMonitor.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

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