November 2012 | Page 2 of 3 | Lovefraud | Escape sociopaths

Gen. David Petraeus scandal displays the range of human misbehavior

November 19, 2012 // by Donna Andersen// 32 Comments

I've been incredulously half-following the media reports of the scandal involving General David Petraeus; his paramour Paula Broadwell; Jill Kelley, whose complaint about harassing emails touched off the investigation; Natalie Khawam, Kelley's twin sister who was embroiled in a nasty custody fight; General John Allen, who allegedly sent "flirtatious" emails to Kelley; and a shirtless FBI agent. This story is so convoluted that it's tough to follow all the characters and allegations. I found a really good summary on MotherJones.com, complete with updates as the story got thicker and thicker: The David Petraeus Scandal, Explained I thought there must be a lesson in this story …

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Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: How Sociopaths Target Us and How We Bite

November 17, 2012 // by Lovefraud Professional Resources// 197 Comments

By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey Before I go into explaining in more detail the exercises to help you gather strength and lose fear to leave the sociopath (from my last article) it would be helpful to know how and why we end up reacting to the sociopath and getting attached and controlled in the first place. Predators are extremely astute at quickly assessing and targeting our vulnerabilities, whether consciously or subconsciously. It's very empowering to start becoming aware of what those vulnerabilities are that hook us and keep us hooked. Self-awareness, or “mindfulness,” is the most essential tool in going forward. It means to become conscious of our rea …

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Poor Bonnie or Bonnie and Clyde? A look at the accomplice

November 15, 2012 // by Linda Hartoonian Almas// 60 Comments

Where we find psychopaths, we may find accomplices. There are no shortages of individuals who are ready and waiting to champion psychopaths' causes or support their agendas. This happens in a variety of circumstances and for a variety of reasons. However, if our brushes with psychopathy came by way of romantic involvement, we may have lived through the experience of having been "replaced." This is common because relationships with psychopaths do not endure. This doesn't reflect on us, as we probably once thought. Rather, it is merely a phenomenon that comes with the territory. Initially, we may have been upset or experience sadness and confusion. However, in time, those feelings te …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I lost myself in the relationship with a sociopath

November 14, 2012 // by Lovefraud Reader// 83 Comments

Editor's note: The following article was submitted by a reader who writes as "Buffalo Girl." The boy across the street. I remember him back in the late 70's. My family had moved into the new neighborhood. I was 12. He was the popular 13-year-old who always hung out with the cool boys who were years older than him. And they seemed to idolize him. I remember the second day in my new catholic grammar school ”¦”¦ me, the new girl, and him already there for years. But the teachers were fed up with him. Second day of school. The head nun and a few teachers surrounded him in the hall. They were already frustrated and ganged up on him. Saying they've had enough and were not going to take anoth …

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What feels like pain is really progress

November 12, 2012 // by Donna Andersen// 84 Comments

Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Cassandra." My reply follows the letter. I don't even know where to begin but I'll try and make it short. Won't be sweet though. I am a long time advocate of Lovefraud. I was a victim of a psychopath over 7 years ago. I was with him for 5 years, we had a house together, dogs, like a married couple. Finally a girl confronted me and told me he was living a double life, as well as having sex with both men and women. And I was not shocked. Just angry at myself for not facing the truth for so long. I ended the relationship. He tried to get me back. I got a restraining order. To this day he still tries to email and …

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Even with all that I now know, I got scammed

November 10, 2012 // by Joyce Alexander// 48 Comments

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I like to think of myself as pretty wise, now that I have learned to recognize most of the red flags of dishonesty and people high in psychopathic traits. But I recently got scammed by three people working in concert. They also scammed another party as well. I bought a dog that was actually stolen. Here's how it happened: I went to a web site in Georgia looking for dogs that are trained as protection dogs. They cost quite a bit of money, starting at about $5,000 and I knew this. This man offered me a “sport” trained dog for $4,000 plus freight which would put her in the $5,000 range, but he had a woman trainer here in Arkansas who could teach me to h …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The sociopath didn’t take it all from us

November 9, 2012 // by Lovefraud Reader// 14 Comments

Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." I've experienced so much personal loss as a result of my second marriage that I don't know if I'll ever recover. I lost my belongings, all of my inheritance, and I nearly lost my will to live. When I returned home and the hot water wasn't coming out of the spigot, I took my little flashlight down to the basement - dirt and gravel floor, unheated, and housing a dead furnace. I opened the door to the basement and was met with a wall of warm, moist air and the sound of running water. It was 27 degrees, outside, and 37 degrees inside the shell of the dwelling where I'm currently liv …

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Research findings: workplace psychopaths

November 8, 2012 // by Donna Andersen// 32 Comments

Editor's note: A master's student from Carleton University in Ottowa, Canada, is researching psychopaths in the workplace. She invited Lovefraud readers to participate in her research, and many of you did. Below are her preliminary findings. Backstabbing bosses and callous co-workers: An examination of the experience of working with a psychopath. Very little research has been conducted on the phenomenon of corporate psychopathy or victims of psychopaths. This study was one of the first to take a victimcentric approach to study how psychopaths behave in a workplace. The purpose of the study was to better understand the effects (mental, physical, financial, social) of working with an …

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Why we get hooked on unpredictable romance

November 6, 2012 // by Donna Andersen// 29 Comments

Many Lovefraud readers have experienced the phenomenon of knowing that a romantic partner is unreliable and even bad for them, but they keep taking the person back. A psychiatrist explains why this happens. Blame your brain. I heart unpredictable love, on NYTimes.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Hurricanes, warnings and not wanting to believe

November 5, 2012 // by Donna Andersen// 56 Comments

The predictions were dire. Hurricane Sandy had been stewing in the Caribbean for days. It was projected to travel up the East Coast of the United States and then make a left turn—heading directly into my home at the Jersey Shore. A year ago, my husband, Terry, and I had heard similar warnings about Hurricane Irene. Officials were predicting a direct hit and ordered everyone to evacuate the islands along the Jersey Shore. We moved as much as we could from our ground floor, which actually goes down two steps from the sidewalk. It included the queen-sized mattress from the futon in our recreation room, the television, my husband's drum set, tools and boxes and boxes of Lovefraud materials. T …

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eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”
jhmb6 on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “This article suggests that all narcissists are not simply narcissists. There always seems to be a co-occurring disorder. All evidence…”
Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Happy Sunday Donna, and I am not surprised based on the story of your ex that he may have been…”
Donna Andersen on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Hi Joanie — thanks for this article! My ex was a complete pack rat. I converted my basement into an…”
Donna Andersen on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “Emilie 18 posted the following comment in the Forum. Eleanor Cowen posted a beautifully said piece in the Blog about…”