How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Having a child with a sociopath, I am no longer a mother

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Editor's note: The following article was written by a Lovefraud reader who we'll call "WalkonMom." I used to think that "six" was my lucky number. And sometimes, I used to remind myself to show gratitude for six little things, like, the sound of New England leaves as they rustle underfoot, the first snowfall with really huge flakes, each breath flowing in and out, especially when you recognize that you are free for the first time, the scent of your baby's head as you cradle and rock her in your grandmother's rocking chair, the preciousness of each holiday, along with the sacred spirit of wonder that fills you as you see your child grow from year to year. Falling in love, and realizing …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Just a gigolo

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call "Esther." I have experienced so many disturbing relationships since I left my psychopath former husband. I thought relationships could not be any more dysfunctional than my marriage. What I am now discovering is that I am a magnet to these predators. This site and many others have helped me to understand how I doubt my fear response, second guess my feelings and am actually delusional when I project onto others the psychological work that I have done to clear my ego defensiveness, blame, shame and guilt. I want to believe that others will work with me, be kind and Christian. I have found this to be a …

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The Danger of a Psychopathic Parent in a Medical Crisis

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This past weekend, I learned some terribly difficult lessons.  I learned first hand how dangerous a Psychopathic parent can be during a medical emergency.  I also learned another reason that  “co-parenting” with a psychopath is not possible (because they have no intention to co-parent and have a reckless disregard for the law and, in turn, will disrespect Custody Orders). During my ex spath Luc's second unsupervised visitation with my baby boy, the supervisor for the exchanges called me about ten minutes before we were supposed to pick up baby boy from the visit and said, "Don't freak out, but I just received a call from the hospital telling me that Luc brought baby boy in after baby boy h …

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After the sociopath, another sociopath

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Several Lovefraud readers have written to me recently—annoyed, angry, horrified. These readers had finally realized what they were dealing with—a sociopath. They extricated themselves from the relationships and had no further contact with the disordered individuals. And what happened? Another sociopath came into their lives. The readers asked: What is going on? Why can't they leave me alone? Am I a sociopath magnet? The answer is, not necessarily. Following are some observations to add perspective to the situation. Millions of sociopaths These disordered individuals are everywhere. As long as we're living on this planet, we face the possibility of running into them. Experts est …

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Parenting at-risk teens and young adults

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A number of parents have written Lovefraud recently asking for advice regarding helping 16-24 year old sons and daughters whose other parent is a sociopath. These sons and daughters may be showing some signs of the disorder and the parents are at a loss about what to do. The stage of life between 16 and 24, is called emergent adulthood, and I have come to believe this stage is critical in the development of healthy and unhealthy personality patterns. With respect to antisocial personality (sociopathy/psychopathy), although symptoms of the disorder may be present during childhood and early adolescence, recent studies show this is not always the case. The disorder can develop during …

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Lovefraud Lesson #10: Sociopaths always blame others

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When sociopaths have problems in their lives, it's never their own fault. Donna Andersen explains why this is one of the most important Red Flags of Lovefraud. To watch the entire Lovefraud Lessons series, go the the Lovefraud Videos page. [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/kL24yoR2H2M] …

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Finding meaning in life from tragedy

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) One of my favorite quotes from Dr. Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning came to mind today. Dr. Frankl wrote his book after spending time in a Nazi concentration camp during WWII. He lost his wife, his family and most of his friends. His book was not just another list of the atrocities done by the Nazis, but a look at the emotional toll taken by the hopeless situations in the camps and how different people responded differently. I learned a lot from this book, and I highly recommend it for those who have suffered “hopeless” situations. "We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when fac …

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Gain disguised as loss; healing after the storm

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Few, if any, walk away from their experiences with psychopaths completely unscathed.  They may leave us bankrupt, homeless, or destitute.  They may feign victimization, as they continue to wage their assaults, further insulting what we actually endured at their hands.  Their thirst for destruction may be almost insatiable when it comes to us. Those are just the tangible losses.  Let us give equal time to the emotional confusion and trauma.  Many of us suffer from PTSD, depression, or serious physical medical concerns, as a result.  Living through experiences with psychopaths, or those with such features, is an incredible feat. While we tend to focus on the negative consequences, we shou …

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Family Court Theater Presents: The Psychopath as “The Man Who Never Was”

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Since the last round of my “Custody War” with Luc (my ex psychopath), I have thought a lot about the flaws in our legal system.  I run the events of the trials (“battles”) over and over in my head. I still can't understand how such a disordered man like my ex can be allowed to have unsupervised access to a child.  I know it is not healthy to think about it so much, but I can't help it when the thoughts creep into my head.  I keep trying to put my finger on why this process left me so incredibly disturbed. Even after hearing disturbing testimony from several of Luc's previous victims (who graciously agreed to testify against Luc during my Custody War), I couldn't shake this feeling that I w …

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