How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The sociopathic betrayal as an incident in your life

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Many Lovefraud readers experience the phenomenon of "losing yourself" in the sociopathic relationship. Before meeting the sociopath, you may have been, for the most part, happy, confident, successful and financially stable. You had a network of people who cared about you. Yes, there was some kind of vulnerability—perhaps you were a bit lonely—and the sociopath used the vulnerability to infiltrate your life. But, for the most part, you were okay. Then, either suddenly or slowly, your life disintegrated, and the problems you face are so immense, and so interconnected, and so overwhelming, that you don't know where to begin unraveling them. You don't have the energy to start. Rather than the …

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Vicious bullying leads to suicide in Japan

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This may be the most flagrant and egregious case of school bullying ever—and teachers laughed. Read: Kids and laughing teachers bullied suicide teen, on ABCNews.go.com. More bullying stories: Downtown Miami charter school sexual abuse and bullying led boy to attempt suicide twice: Lawsuit, on HuffingtonPost.com. Teacher accused of raping 12-year-old boy, on AOL.com. Links provided by Lovefraud readers. …

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Healing from a psychopathic experience is a continuing process

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Years ago I used to think that healing from an emotionally devastating experience, like tangling with a psychopath, was like recovering from a physical illness or injury. If you cut yourself, you put a band-aid on it and a few days later, the cut was "healed" and you didn't need to work on it any more. Or if you got the flu, once you were over it, it was all done; you didn't have to worry about it again. Or if you got the measles once, you could not get it ever again, because you were immune. Now I realize that healing from an encounter with a psychopath is not like a simple cut that heals, never requiring any more care or even notice. It is also not …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I feel stupid that I was blind

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Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Roger." I am writing this from Tokyo, Japan and would like to tell you about my experience with a person that "conned" me. Last year I experienced having a very short relationship with a lady that fits the description of being a sociopath: has no heart, no conscience and no remorse. In addition, now I know that she thought nothing of lying, cheating and stealing my money! I met this lady, who is a full-time lecturer at a university here in Tokyo (as am I) at a dinner party in June last year. It was arranged by a person whom I know (and trusted) and his wife, and they were trying play "Cupid." He, too, is a …

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Opening Old Wounds

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This, for me, has been a week of extreme highs and lows. And, as usual, has once again provided me with the perfect material for today's post. Among the highs was finding and securing the perfect living solution for my son when he starts university — that's a massive weight off both of our shoulders, and a cause for great celebration! The lows? Well, they've been triggered by a piece of particularly unexpected news — and an announcement that I would therefore like to make to all of you here on Lovefraud. I discovered just at the end of last week that the publication date for my book has been moved. Not by the couple of weeks I might have expected, since I was already aware that the libel i …

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Sociopaths and the real harm of lying

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The Stolen Valor Act, passed by Congress in 2005, made is illegal for anyone to falsely claim, verbally or in writing, to have been awarded a U.S. military decoration. Last week, the Supreme Court ruled that the law was unconstitutional because it violated the First Amendment's protection of free speech. The ruling by six Supreme Court justices proved that they simply do not understand how lying works in real life. Lies must lead directly to fraud The majority opinion in United States v. Alvarez, written by Justice Anthony M. Kennedy and joined by Chief Justice John G. Roberts and Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sonia Sotomayor, said that the Constitution does not allow speech to be …

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Our pasts matter: looking back, moving forward

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By:  Linda Hartoonian Almas, M.S. Ed Recently, I've spent a fair amount of time reflecting on my life, especially my childhood.  I've also spent some time writing about these reflections.  I can't say exactly what caused me to embark on this mental "roots" journey, but I can say that I identified some remarkable realities, along the way.  These realizations helped me understand my vulnerabilities. This, in turn, brought clarity regarding what may have made me so attractive to an individual with psychopathic features.  It helped me understand what it was about my past that encouraged me to allow a large portion of my adult life to be swallowed whole by disorder and dysfunction.  It matte …

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Documentary exposes rape in the military

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A new documentary sheds light on the military's biggest cover-up—the rampant sexual assault of both female and male service members. One frightening statistic: Women who've been sexually abused in military service have a higher incidence of PTSD than men who've been in combat. Read Ending military rape: The crusade of "The Invisible War," on Salon.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Does the sociopath treat the next wife better?

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader: I always knew there was something wrong with my ex-husband, and friends and family did as well. There were lies, gambling, cheating, drug use, rehab 3 times, head games. He would drive erratically with our son and I in the car (even when our son was very little). He would speed up if there was a cat or other animal in the road. I would always completely freak out so he never ran one over when I was in the car, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did when I wasn't. (I could tell his counselor in rehab #3 knew there was more to his problems than just drug addiction.) He was clean for a long time and that's when I realized it wasn't t …

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Shifting The Blame

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Well, I'm delighted to report that my son completed all his exams last week — and is confident that he did well. Recognizing his ability to respond to the challenge, he did everything within his power to make the most of the situation, staying calm and able to think as clearly as possible in a highly pressured situation. So, regardless of what happens next (the results are published in a couple of weeks) the fact remains that he's done his very best, and it's over. Which is why, this week, I decided to expand on the subject of blame and responsibility. There's a huge difference between thinking in those two opposing terms. There's also, of course, a huge difference when people choose to u …

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