A few years ago, I met Dr. Ariel King at the Battered Mothers Conference in Albany, New York. Her story is one of the worst involving an at-risk child that I have ever heard. Dr. King's 8-year-0ld daughter, Ariana-Leilani, has an extremely rare and dangerous disease, severe chronic neutropenia. She wants to care for her little girl, but she can't, because Ariana-Leilani is now in the physical custody of her husband. Because Dr. King is American and her daughter and husband are German nationals, the case is stuck in international limbo. The website is www.Ariana-Leilani.org with the petition for Ariana-Leilani. The following articles tell the story: A UH Alumni in the fight for her …
The Ducking Stool
This week I'm inspired to write after receiving a distressing email from a friend of mine on Saturday night. This particular friend of mine is, like all of us here, someone who knows what it's like to be conned and manipulated. Like so many of us, she struggled to make sense of what had happened — the explanations coming just as hard to herself as to her friends and family. Particularly, of course, those who had known her sociopathic husband and had also been taken in by his charming lies. This particular lady, though, rather than hide herself away or hope things would just disappear, instead decided to write a book about her experiences. Now translated in to several languages, her story h …
Red Flags in the news again
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Last week I wrote an article about the captain of the sunken Italian ship who said he “fell into a life boat by accident” and that was why he got off the ship very early, not waiting for the rescue efforts. It also turned out this married man was with his lover and was drunk at the time the ship was steered, on his command, closer than normal to an island so he could show it off to the residents and his friends there, crashing it into known rocks. Even after the ship had hit the rocks and was stuck, he denied to the company and potential rescuers that anything other than an electrical “black out” occurred and delayed even issuing an “abandon ship” until …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Email to self
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as “Duped no more!" {A brief definition of my breaking NC, after almost 9 months, and a brief explanation of the experience and what I would say if I had to explain it to someone else. I had to send it to myself because there is nobody else but you who would understand ”¦} "I went back for you, with my heart in my hand and you just devoured it with no care nor consceince." Nothing has changed; don't listen no more; don't go back! This is it. I have seen and heard what I needed to and now it's time to move forward once and for all. I have set myself free. The last few text messages that I sent, t …
When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I guess I am making a “confession” here of being a wimp, or maybe an enabler, for the majority of my life. But when people would ask me for a “favor,” I would almost always do it, even if it meant that I had to cancel plans of my own that I would much rather have done. In other words, by saying “yes” to my friends and family, I was saying “no” to myself. Shopping on Mondays After my husband died I cared for my stepfather during his long battle with cancer. In fact, I cancelled my “life” and my own grieving for my husband to voluntarily be there for him. I wanted to be there for him. However, after his death and a reasonable period of time, I realized …
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The Confusion of a Child of A Sociopath
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. My father appeared to be a very successful business man. Our family lived in a home on Biscayne Bay, had money and was very well known. He served as a pilot in the Air Force, was very good looking and extremely charming. From the outside, our life looked almost perfect. Like any young boy, I idolized my dad. When in his presence, I was almost hypnotized by him. I was extremely attracted to the way he approached life. I guess it's normal for a boy to want to be just like his father. I wanted to believe everything that he told me. As best I could tell, he treated me …
Shame And Silence
There has been a story in the UK news this week that touched my heart. It's a story of a ruthless abuser who controlled, abused and manipulated their partner. Sounds familiar? Two years of mental, emotional and financial cruelty, the physical injuries alone resulted in the need for corrective surgery. The attacks included bleach sprayed in the eyes. Lit cigarettes up the nose. Fractured skull. Cracked ribs. Repeated scalding with an iron and boiling water and attacks with a claw hammer. And yet even after all that ill-treatment, the victim has not lost faith in finding another partner. These are the touching words that reached out to me and brought tears to my eyes: “It's going to be di …
Overcoming the hype to educate people about sociopaths
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Eleanor.” Thank you for your wonderful site Lovefraud! It has helped me tremendously. I am still with my sociopath husband, but am quietly and surely planning on leaving. We have a few children so it really makes it more complicated. He has now gone up to the next stage in what I've read sociopaths love to do. I'm so thankful that I read about it before he did it and know how to react and what to expect! He's started to call up my family, giving them a sob story about how broken he is and how I won't get any help (we've gone through a few counselors, with no obvious results as they've all been taken in by his a …
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Evidence that negative interactions lead to inflammation
New research documents the link between negative social interactions and the production of proteins that trigger inflammation in the body. Read Social friction tied to inflammation, on ScienceNews.org. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
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Happiness: How do we know when we have found it?
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) We frequently talk on Lovefraud about finding healing and being “happy” again. We discuss the words “forgiveness” and other emotionally charged words that have individual meanings and try to come to some conclusion that we have a definition of these words for ourselves. I got to thinking about the meaning of “happiness,” and how I will know when I have reached it. What is happiness to me? For me? After my husband died, there was a period of time when in my profound sadness and grief, that I thought “happiness” could be found in finding another mate and husband. I went seeking that “happiness,” and instead of a life mate and loving relationship with a …