How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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While litigation fees mount, Connecticut court awards custody to abusers

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This two-part article in the Washington Times follows the money trail of Connecticut family court. Author Aine Nistophain writes about a 9-year-old, Max: When Max reported to authorities that his father had raped him, the Judge Munro awarded sole custody of him to his father. Suddenly, Max went from living with his mother full time, to seeing his mother a few hours a week in supervised visitation run by strangers armed with clipboards, then no contact at all. There's more, and it's bad. Read: Finding Ground Zero in Connecticut Immunity for Guardian Ad Litem destroys Connecticut family …

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Sociopaths: The giant skeleton in humanity’s closet

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader in Holland whom we'll call "Anika": Today I registered to your love fraud site. Nice that you created it. It is a great help when you are abused by a socio-psychopath whatever you call it. I've been divorced from mine almost 30 years. Only 3 years ago I read a book that explained to me why, after my divorce, my life changed from a drama into a hell. And this blog and sites are very helpful. Knowledge gives power. So I am together with a cousin (who is also divorced her psychopath), working on creating something like this in Holland. In our country it seems to be an unknown subject. I want to write especially about the t …

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Healing is a journey

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I've written here many times that I used to think that healing was a place we arrived at and that once we got there “everything would be wonderful.”  I have learned in my latest tangles with the multiple psychopaths in my life that healing is NOT a place that we arrive at, but it is a Journey. I have no doubt looking back at my relationship with my P-sperm donor that I had PTSD when  I escaped from his clutches at least alive, which is more than some of his victims have done. I was 19 and had no one to advise me. Looking back, I wanted to talk to people about this trauma and no one seemed to either believe or care. Even my Egg Donor didn't believe a word …

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Our “crazy” friends and associates: discounting us by dismissing them

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Those of us who have been in abusive relationships know all too well what it feels like to be discounted.  We may have been told that our beliefs are ridiculous, our thoughts off kilter, and been made fun of for having them.  We may have encountered ethnic or racial slurs, made by those who should have been the last to utter such words.  After all, belittle our very core, the parts of us that we can do nothing about, and we may really turn into putty.  We have also probably spent countless hours being ignored, which signals us that we were not worthy of the abuser's time or attention.  As a result, over time, even we may begin to question out own judgment, value, and abilities. The list ca …

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The shame and blame game

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All conscientious people, when there's a problem in a relationship, take a look inside eventually to see where their fault or responsibility lies. In a good couple relationship, you might have a fight  over something, but then at some point, you talk about it and get a different understanding of where your partner was coming from, which can change your perspective. You might realize you reacted because it pushed some sort of button in you, perhaps some experience from your past, or you misinterpreted something. In this interchange, both people in a mutually caring relationship should eventually take responsibility for their part of the conflict. Through resolving the conflict you should end …

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Relationships after the sociopath

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I received the following email from the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Zimzoomit:" I saw the Lifetime Network show about you and lovefraud.com. What I would like to know is how the man who came next (your true lover, after the fraud) helped you to overcome the emotional havoc your ex who frauded you caused? Is there a specific blog or link on lovefraud.com to tell us how he helped you? Were you able to talk about things that bothered you about your ex, even ever so occasionally, when/if the haunted thoughts encroached on you ”¦ even if only occasionally but for years after the fact, and if so, what things did your new love say, to help you overcome those thoughts? Was he willing to li …

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Study shows how experience affects genetics

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The Los Angeles Times reported on Friday an interesting study about the effects of sleep deprivation on genetics. Essentially, lack of sleep caused some genes, such as those involved in stress reactions, to be amplified. Others, such as those involved in healing, were turned down. Read: Sleep deprivation has genetic consequences, study finds, on LATimes.com. I found this study interesting for two reasons. First of all, some sociopaths actively try to prevent their partners from getting enough sleep, and the study points to the real health consequences of this subtle form of abuse. Secondly, the study highlights the fact that genes can change. Here's a key concept: We are all born …

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Wisdom: The Serenity Prayer applied to sociopaths

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr The definition of wisdom Almost everyone is familiar with the above “serenity prayer,” which is used as part of its program by Alcoholics Anonymous. Until I looked it up, I didn't know who actually wrote it. What is wisdom, though? Albert Einstein says, “Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” Still, that doesn't tell us exactly what wisdom is. Wisdom is defined by Webster as: 1a: accumulated philosophic or scientific learning: knowledge 1b: abili …

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