"When we focus on something repeatedly, the brain forms a habit," says Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of Living and Loving After Betrayal. "We have to be careful on what we focus on." When we discover that we've been betrayed by a sociopath, for a long time that's all we can think about. Although this is a typical response to the betrayal, it also has the effect of keeping us mired in our pain. Stosny suggest replacing the memories of the deception with restorative images, which he defines as "any emotionally laden bit of your imagination that eases pain by shifting mental focus from loss to growth." He explains this approach in an article on the Psychology Today blog: Healing from …
Why I wrote ‘The Muslim Romance Trilogy’
By Juliet Montague Parts one and two of Juliet Montague's Muslim love story trilogy. Part One: THE YEAR I LEARNED TO TEXT — Why Am I Having Sex with a Muslim in My Basement? Part Two: JIHAD HONEYMOON IN HOLLYWOOD — Not Without My Dogs I had not before kept a detailed diary. Looking back at previous journals, one would simply find a note here and there reflecting a doctor's appointment, a luncheon date, an audition, a listing appointment, a reminder to call my mother. My realization that I was into something profoundly foreign, intriguing, and sexually awakening, I began documenting each and every phone call, text message, and encounter with my own personal Aladdin. I had truly nev …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Life with a sociopath ends in death
Editor's note: Following is sad news from the Lovefraud reader "Hoping to Heal." Several years ago, I was introduced to a young vivacious couple. Both were very attractive and successful. They were charming and fun to be around. Both had lots of energy and seemed to be enjoying life to its fullest. They seemed to adore one another. While I'd never met the man before, he did have a reputation of being a real Ladies Man. He had been married before and had many relationships that he left abruptly. But, he had it All ”¦ good looks, charisma and a good job, and women were beating his door down. At the time I met this couple, I assumed he had "grown up" and gotten his act together. They looked …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How can I help my sister?
Editor's Note: This letter was submitted by Lovefraud reader we'll call "Elizabella." Other names in this letter have been changed. I've spent hours online searching for specific suggestions that apply to this particular situation, but am still mostly at a loss regarding how to handle it and am desperate for help. I'll try to be as succinct as possible, but there is so much to this story. I left an emotionally abusive marriage after 20 years, so I'm very familiar with how these "relationships" work and I am now convinced that my sister, Lisa, is in such a marriage, although she refuses to admit it; she has only hinted at it in the past. She has been married to him (I'll call him Ralph) …
Online threats: Crimes or free speech?
The Supreme Court of the United States may soon decide whether or not to hear appeals of two cases in with people were convicted and sent to jail for making online threats, even though they later said they didn't mean any harm. In one case, Anthony Elonis of Pennsylvania, wrote on Facebook about killing his estranged wife. According to the Associated Press, he said: “There's one way to love you but a thousand ways to kill you. I'm not going to rest until your body is a mess, soaked in blood and dying from all the little cuts.” The woman testified in court that she feared for her life. Elonis was sentenced to almost four years, and was released on February 14, 2014, according to The Exp …
Why I wrote ‘Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist’
Editor's note: The following essay was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "PeggySue." My book, Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist came into being as I worked to create my life again following the utter anguish of being used and manipulated by the husband I cherished and who, I believed, loved me. In the midst of heartache and disbelief, I found myself to be dealing with the memories of gaslighting, my devastated emotions, a financial outlook of sheer decimation, and the loss of just “who I was.” Marrying on the heels of my completion of my book called Romance Stew, I was, at age 55, heady at finding “Mr. Right.” The man and his family filled my heart's empty spaces with hope …
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New Jersey Judge John Tomasello refuses restraining order for victim of convicted pedophile and bigamist William Jordan
By Joyce M. Short BURLINGTON COUNTY, NJ Although New Jersey revamped their sexual assault laws in 2012, yesterday Family Court Judge John Tomasello proved those changes could be easily undermined by a judge who's a misogynist dinosaur. Mishcelle Lewis, of Florence Township, New Jersey, had petitioned the court for a restraining order against convicted bigamist and child molester, William Allen Jordan. Jordan currently awaits trial on charges of sexual coercion, theft by deception, and impersonating a government official. He is currently housed in a special protective section of the Burlington County jail designated for sexual predators. His case history includes failure to register as a …
Why Do I Feel So Guilty? How Sociopaths Shame Us Into Submission
If I had to pick the most powerful tool in a sociopath's arsenal, it would be shame. I've experienced a myriad of emotions during my life with sociopathic parents: sadness, anger, confusion, jealousy (from observing "healthy" families), fear, loneliness, compassion, forgiveness. During the healing process, it is very normal to have waves of these emotions come and go. But for me, the one emotion that hasn't come and gone, the one that has blanketed my entire life history, is shame. Why shame? I didn't ask to be abused as a child. As an adult, I certainly had the choice to sever ties with my parents, but I didn't because I thought a good daughter wouldn't do that. If I hang in the …
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New book about the Susan Powell disapperance reveals abuse
Gregg Olsen and Rebecca Morris released their book “If I Can't Have You: Susan Powell,” which reveals what life was like inside the home of Susan and Josh Powell and their two young sons 7 year-old Charlie and 5 year-old Braden. According to neighbors, Josh mentally and physically abused Susan and the boys. After Susan's mysterious disappearance in 2009, her parents, Chuck and Judy Cox, cared for the boys. They began to see signs that the boys may have been sexually abused while living with their father and paternal grandfather. Susan's body has never been found. Josh Powell blew up their home, killing his sons and himself in the explosion. Revealed: Josh Powell 'sexually abused his t …
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