November 2015 | Lovefraud | Escape sociopaths - narcissists in relationships

How can a run-in with a sociopath be a spiritual journey?

November 30, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 19 Comments

This post refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. My first book is entitled, Love Fraud how marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. I imagine that for many of you, your reaction to this title is, "Huh?" God is good, right? The Universe is supposed to support us, right? So how can there possibly be anything spiritual about having your life trampled by a sociopath? Believe me, as I was in the midst of the struggle, I asked those questions. Except in my pleadings with my Higher Power, I wasn't so polite. As you can see from my wedding video, I was well and truly duped into marrying James Montgomery. He presented …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: The sociopath got my brain twisted right away

November 27, 2015 // by Lovefraud Reader// 76 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as "freebird." Names have been changed. My story started July 24th. I had just joined plentyoffish.com, very ambivalently, as I was looking to hopefully meet someone worthy of my time. I received a message from "Karl." He was soooo hot, five years younger than me, just moved here from New York. I've always had a thing for the northerners. I found myself excited to get his messages, and the only reason I'd get on it at one point was just to talk to him. We switched numbers and talked a little before we met. He told me that he moved here to start a company with the goals of it merging with his prior company, and that …

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Sociopaths–How They Lie and Why We Fall For It: Part 1

November 26, 2015 // by O.N.Ward// 23 Comments

Sociopaths dazzle and distract with brilliant linguistic gymnastics to obscure their lies. In my book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com), I examine several conversations to reveal specific techniques "Paul" (my husband of about 20 years who I now believe is a sociopath), used to obscure the truth. These techniques are likely common to other liars and sociopaths as well. "Our Honeymoon Isn't Over Until I Say It's Over!” The night we'd returned from our honeymoon, I needed to make a business-related call. Paul was furious with me and snapped, "Our honeymoon isn't over until I say it's over!” It was so out o …

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‘Hitting Home with Sarah Ferguson,’ a two-part documentary on domestic violence in Australia, airs Nov. 24 and 25

November 24, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Isabella Cullen's husband, Ben, hit her in the face as he held their child in his arms. Wendy fled her ex-partner with her children. They had only the clothes they were wearing. "Rachel's" injuries are documented by a doctor who runs a forensic domestic violence service. These are some of the stories included in "Hitting Home with Sarah Ferguson," a documentary about the "epidemic" of domestic violence in Australia. It airs Tuesday, Nov. 24, and Wednesday, Nov. 25, on ABC in Australia. As the women tell their stories, they describe the same behaviors we discuss here on Lovefraud every day. The stories are chilling. Woman whose husband punched her until she was bleeding in the face as he held …

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10 rules for keeping psychopaths and Cluster Bs out of your life

November 21, 2015 // by Lovefraud Reader// 25 Comments

Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader "Jay Anthony" posted the following as a comment on November 10. It is reproduced as an article so that readers who may have missed it can benefit from Jay Anthony's insight. Highly sensitive individuals are certainly going to suffer from shock, among other deep emotional symptoms, after dealing with a psychopath. I was raised in a highly dysfunctional Italian family so the ability to rebound has helped tremendously in adult life. My childhood was a sink or swim situation of whose lessons I've carried into adulthood. This has made it much easier to overcome the experiences I've personally had with psychopaths/sociopaths (and there has been more than …

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Profiler offers $25,000 reward for killer of four prostitutes, and describes how the murderer thinks

November 20, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

Nine years ago today, on Nov. 20, 2006, the bodies of four women were found in a drainage ditch outside of Atlantic City, New Jersey. Nobody was ever arrested in the case. Now, a criminal profiler from New Jersey, John Kelly of S.T.A.L.K. Inc, is offering a $25,000 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the killer. The profile Kelly and his team developed is chilling. It reads, in part: "He has an extreme foot fetish and has a collection of women's shoes and the shoes of his victims ”¦ He is nonsocial and likes to keep to himself. he is narcissistic (everything revolves around him), and he is also very concerned with making himself look good in all aspects." Donna An …

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When You “Lose Yourself” Due To A Sociopath, Recovery Is Hard–Really Hard

November 19, 2015 // by O.N.Ward// 56 Comments

If I hear one more reporter or talk show host ask a victim of partner abuse, “Why did you stay?” and not really listen to the answer or not try to understand the psychology of how emotional, psychological, financial, and/or physical abuse can rewire your brain and murder your soul, I will scream. I want to scream because I don't think the interviewer is really looking for an answer. We Are Strong, They Were Weak Instead, it's as if the questioner is seeking to label the victim as “weak” and “not like us.” This creates a sense that the victim is different, and that perceived difference creates the comforting illusion that it could never happen to us or someone like us. After all: We are stro …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I should feel lucky to be free of the sociopath, but it’s tearing me up!

November 18, 2015 // by Lovefraud Reader// 53 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Caitlyn." I was being lied to for about 6 months by the guy I had been dating. He was very charming, great sense of humor, and seemed to be very caring and genuine. Always told me I was beautiful and after about a month or so he loves me and is in love with me! Red flag number one! Why did he say those words that soon!!? I chose to ignore it because he seemed different and the chemistry was great. He also said things to make me think we were soul mates and we were going to have a future. Away a lot He is an otr trucker so he's gone a lot. We've gone out of town a few times, dated, etc. but I started to feel …

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I should feel lucky to be free of the sociopath, but it’s tearing me up!Read More

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He painted a future, telling me how we were going to make this work

November 13, 2015 // by Lovefraud Reader// 1 Comment

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Gabriela." She lives outside of the United States. My heart is aching because of what happened to me. I met a guy, I don´t know if he´s a sociopath, but he betrayed me. I met him once in at the pool area in a casino hotel in the U.S. I was traveling there with some family, I´m from another country. We had this great chemistry since that day that we met. We spoke for hours, invited me to go out but I couldn't. Then I came back to my country but kept that in love feeling that I had never felt before. I couldn´t even understand it because we only saw each other for those few hours, but still I searched him on fa …

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Sociopath Math

November 12, 2015 // by O.N.Ward// 10 Comments

"It feels like I have a target on me," said a woman who had repeatedly caught the eye of sociopathic men. "You do," I replied. “So do I. So do lots of us.” Believe Who They Are When They Show You The First Time Why are empathetic people especially likely to get trapped in long-term relationships with sociopaths? We stay in these relationships too long, in part, because we discount and misattribute malicious, selfish, destructive behavior. We give people the benefit of the doubt. We have to stop doing this! Or at least, we need to become far more selective about when we do it and with whom we do it. We need to take Maya Angelou's words to heart — “When someone shows you who they are believe …

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Donna Andersen on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “Hi Samson75 – My paper was peer-reviewed and published in the International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology. There’s…”
Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “HI Samson, from what I read of Donna’s article, she had more than 2,000 Lovferaud readers as a valid sample.…”
samson75 on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “love fraud subscribers are not really a valid sample as they represent people who either have had trouble dealing with…”
Donna Andersen on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “Thank you for your thoughtful comment.”
samson75 on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “The majority of studies show that bipolar and psychopathy can be comorbid, though it is rare. What people likely see…”