A young woman who posts on Lovefraud as "Butterfly" first contacted me in August. She had recognized that her boyfriend was disordered. She also realized that her father was disordered, which set her up to tolerate the lying, cheating boyfriend. We exchanged emails several times over the last few months. She asked excellent questions, and I made two "Letters to Lovefraud" videos to answer them, which are included in this post. With her permission, I've reproduced our email exchange. Her experience illustrates the confusing and painful experience of a disordered parent and how it affected her own relationship choices. And you won't believe what she discovered in the end. It was the last …
I had $100,000 ready to be put into his hands
Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Genevieve." I connected with a boyfriend I was engaged to when I was 17. We knew each other since we were about 11. He called me after his 2nd marriage broke apart. I was married (and still am), and after getting reacquainted with him, fell back in love with him. I had no intentions of this happening, but he was filling a void. It was the honeymoon stage, the reminiscing from our teen years, and everything I thought we had in common. I always suspected he had another woman and confronted him at least 5 times ”¦ of which he denied. He was very jealous (always was), showed ownership of me, and told me he always loved me …
To better protect victims, UK strengthens stalking laws
Four years ago, a new stalking law enabled prosecutors in England and Wales to charge offenders with stalking, even when their behavior falls short of creating a fear of violence in the victim. The idea was to stop stalking behavior, especially in domestic violence cases, before it escalated. Authorities have announced new orders that extends the law so that it protects people who are being stalked by strangers. Police can apply to the courts for orders to make stalkers stay away from their victims, before the stalker has been convicted, or even arrested. Stalking: New orders planned to give quick protection, on BBC.com. New stalking legislation helps to bring thousands more prosecutions …
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Sociopaths Are Often Calm Under Pressure And Lie Seamlessly
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 34: The Illusion of Hope As a sociopath, Paul's black, vacant soul is not capable of change, but as a good actor, he transformed his behavior quickly and profoundly. He just had to dust off a character he had already perfected—that of a doting companion. If he wanted me to continue as his stagehand, and if he wanted to avoid a divorce that was not on his terms and his …
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Reconnecting with my teen love, I was hooked – until he walked out
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call "JoLynn." I first dated my ex when I was 18. We split after 15 months but I was still in love with him many years later. After a 22-year marriage, I found myself divorced. After a couple of casual boyfriends, I contacted my ex by carrying out an Internet search. I was just short of my 50th birthday. He responded to my email and the relationship took off again, as if we had never been parted. We lived about 140 miles away from each other but he soon came to see me. I was so in love, we made plans and I was told that his alcoholic wife was in the advanced stages of illnesses and would soon die. The magic …
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Thailand: Cops bust possible $1.4 million Nigerian love scam racket
I'm beginning to wonder if the biggest industry in Nigeria and their biggest export is romance fraud. Authorities in Thailand arrested two Nigerian men, along with their Thai wives, for allegedly swindling a Thai woman who owned a rubber plantation out of 500,000 bhat (US$14,038). When the suspects were arrested, police found a list of victims and bank passbooks that revealed more than 50 million bhat (US$1,403,804) had been transferred to their accounts. This is in a country where the average salary is US$385 per month. I love the police diagram of the scam in the photo. I wish police all around the world took romance fraud this seriously. Nigerian love scam busted, on …
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How sociopaths intentionally mess with your mind
I talk to a lot of people who are, or have been, involved with sociopaths. Time and time again they tell me, "I feel like I'm losing my mind." This is exactly how sociopaths want you to feel. Why? Because if you are confused and unsure of yourself, you are more pliable. You are easier to control, and what sociopaths want is to control you. So how do they mess with your mind? Lies from hello to goodbye First of all, they lie. Now, this may not sound all that terrible, because we all lie from time to time. But normal people lie to get out of trouble or spare someone's feelings. Sociopaths lie because they have an agenda. The lying starts at the very beginning of your …
Scandal in the UK: 350 reports of sexual abuse in youth soccer clubs
On November 16, Andy Woodward, a former professional soccer player in the United Kingdom, said in an interview with The Guardian that he had been sexually abused by a former coach, Barry Bennell, beginning when he was 11 years old. Then five more former professional soccer players came forward and stated they had been molested as boys. Since then, 350 people have reported abuse to British police. And the phone on a new sex abuse hotline just keeps ringing. Claims of Child Sexual Abuse in English Soccer Grow, on NYTimes.com. …
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How Sociopaths Turn Our Empathy Against Us
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 33: The Question Is Not What You Look At But What You See (Henry David Thoreau) For months, I had to fight the impulse to recoil whenever Paul touched me. Yet, if we did not have frequent sex, Paul's impatience with me grew even worse. Instead of sharing intimate moments with my husband, I felt like I was feeding a beast. If I did not feed the monster, it would devour me. …
Q&A with attorney Megan Lyons, an expert in court battles with sociopaths
Megan Lyons, Esq., who is based in Sarasota, Florida, is the newest member of the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide. What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both? I have dealt with pathological sociopaths for most of my life in my personal experience, romantically and in the professional arena. As a result of these life changing experiences and relationships, I committed years to studying sociopathy and the recovery from such insidious and sadistic abuse. How do you go about helping clients who have tangled with a sociopath? Because of my personal experience with sociopaths, I am able to provide genuine …
Q&A with attorney Megan Lyons, an expert in court battles with sociopathsRead More