By Eleanor Cowan “The statute of limitations? It took me 25 years post-drug-rape to recognize his abuse,” I replied to a comment as a bunch of us at our local Senior Center crowded around the fitness room TV to hear the sentencing of a dangerous sex criminal, a wealthy fellow much older than most of us, a fatherly figure whose abuses rampaged for decades with no limitations, brakes or borders. “Why is there no statute of limitations for murder?” asked one woman, “while there is one for sexual abuse?” “Yes,” said another, “Billy can wake up with a sudden recall of the murderer who killed twenty years ago, and the police are on it. No officer would ever say, ‘Sorry, times up on your re …
I am overwhelmed with PTSD, stress, anxiety, fear, loss, betrayal and trying to save myself
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Catherine18." Other names have been changed. I am writing this after a pretty hard day. I have them a lot these days. I’ve made it a habit to tell people that I'm fine or ok. Before that, before everyone knew what happened, I just smiled, laughed and was a pretend version of myself so that I wouldn’t let on what I was suffering. I learned to protect the person hurting me from my mother's abuse of me. I am 42, and I have never not been abused. Ever. I’m now being honest. I am saying I’m not ok. People don't help you when you finally get honest. I have been betrayed, abandoned, pitied and had people talk be …
I am overwhelmed with PTSD, stress, anxiety, fear, loss, betrayal and trying to save myselfRead More
Useless advice on how to spot a lie
The Daily Mail just published a silly article in which a psychologist explains how to tell when someone is lying. The behavioral psychologist, Jo Hemmings, dispenses all of the usual and useless advice about watching for microexpressions, lack of eye contact, convoluted explanations and changes in behavior. Okay, so the advice might work for spotting a normal person who is uncomfortable with lying. It will never work for spotting a sociopath who lies like he or she breathes. In fact, the article is accompanied by a sidebar in which new research published by Edinburgh University finds that it is hard to spot a liar. Why? Because liars may intentionally suppress the tell-tale signs of …
Dealing with a sociopath: Fight or flight?
Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting people. When you're the person who has been exploited, how should you respond? Do you try to hold the sociopath accountable? Or do you cut your losses and run? Lovefraud is an open forum, with many people expressing opinions about what you should do. In the past, some folks have posted comments saying give up, run away, don't fight, you can't win. I don't necessarily agree with that. Yes, in some cases, fleeing is the best course of action. But sometimes the only way to survive is to fight. Or sometimes standing up to the sociopath enables you to reclaim yourself, even if you don't win the battle. I believe you …
Domestic violence advocate allegedly killed by her ex-boyfriend
Donna Alexander, 34, of Grand Prairie, Texas, was a domestic violence advocate. She founded an "Anger Room," where people could blow off stress by smashing things, rather than their loved ones. But Alexander herself was allegedly attacked by her estranged boyfriend, Nathaniel Mitchell, 34. Mitchell brought her to the hospital with severe head injuries. A week later, Alexander died of her injuries. Mitchell has been charged with murder. Anger Room founder allegedly beaten to death by ex knew relationship 'Would be the death of her': Sister, on People.com. Anger Room founder, who appeared on Real Housewives of Dallas, allegedly beaten to death by ex, on People.com. …
Domestic violence advocate allegedly killed by her ex-boyfriendRead More
She was diagnosed as bipolar, but she is definitely personality disordered
Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Kenny18." I was targeted, lied to about her past regarding previous relationships, she contacted me while she was dating someone else, I was love bombed, she moved in, tried to isolate me from my friends and family, she was rude to my family, she was verbally and physically abusive to me, she told me on multiple occasions that she hated her 8-year-old son and wished she never had him, in earshot of him, she vandalized my truck, the list goes on. Before she physically assaulted me, she asked me, "Who gets the house in case something happens to you?" I replied "my family," since she was living with me for less than a …
She was diagnosed as bipolar, but she is definitely personality disorderedRead More
Con man smiles and winks as he’s sentenced for scamming four women
Mauricio Palomino, a contractor in New York City, was sentenced to three to nine years in prison for scamming his former girlfriends. Apparently he thought it was funny. He laughed and joked with his lawyer, and then winked at a news photographer as he was led out of the courtroom. Palomino took a total of $80,000 from four women between 2012 and 2014. He racked up charges on their credit cards and accepted loans from them that he never repaid. He was also accused of threatening several of his victims. Con man 'gigolo' was all smiles at sentencing, on NYPost.com. Construction boss accused of moonlighting as gigolo to swindle lovers, on NYPost.com. …
Con man smiles and winks as he’s sentenced for scamming four womenRead More
‘Dark core of personality’ — what antisocials, psychopaths, sadists and other miscreants have in common
Is the disordered person in your life antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, psychopathic — or perhaps even Machiavellian or a sadist? You may have struggled to figure out which definition applies, perhaps reasoning that a narcissist isn't as bad as a psychopath. In reality, all of these disorders are bad news — people who have them engage in similar destructive behavior. Now, research from Europe shows that all of these disorders share a common denominator. In a paper called The Dark Core of Personality, Ingo Zettler, a psychology professor at the University of Copenhagen, and two German colleagues, define the "D-factor" at the dark core. They write: All dark traits can be traced back …
How much do psychopaths really cost our society?
Kaboni Savage was a drug kingpin in Philadelphia. On his orders, his crew firebombed the home of a federal witness in 2004, killing six people, including four children. Savage was sentenced to death in May, 2013. A few months later, the Philadelphia Inquirer wrote an article about the cost of prosecuting Kaboni Savage: Bill for Savage trial easily tops $10 million: No one protested when a federal jury recommended in June that Kaboni Savage be put to death. In just a few years, Savage had left a grisly trail in North Philadelphia. He gunned down one man, ordered the killing of five others, and directed the 2004 rowhouse firebombing that killed four children and two women. The …
After the Narcissist, You Will Recover
“A Narcissist doesn't just break your heart, they break your spirit....that's why it takes so long to heal.” — narcissist_survivor After experiencing and living through emotional abuse and trauma, there are days where you will feel like you can't move forward, where you feel worthless, where nothing matters anymore.....but I am here to tell you recovery IS possible. Right after the truth was revealed and after my relationship with my abuser ended, I was shocked, devastated, and a reeling mess. There were so many emotions that I would transition to, from hour to hour....for months. I couldn't believe my reality or even comprehend that I had been taken to this place of depression and self …