How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Finding sanity after the sociopath (part 2)

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Editor's note: The following essay was submitted by Lovefraud reader “Presseject.” This is part two of his story. Part one was posted yesterday. By Presseject About two weeks after I confronted my S, there was a very dark day in which I was cut to pieces. I am okay now recalling it, but at that time, and for many weeks afterwards, it was like a knife in the heart. I would like to share a bit further with you the silver lining to this part of the story and how that relates to the good work you have done with the site. You see, it went like this: I had my S visit and stay with me for my birthday weekend. He presented me with fun gifts and a card that included the words signed with "tons of l …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Finding sanity after the sociopath (part 1)

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Editor's note: The following essay was submitted by Lovefraud reader "Presseject." This is part one of his story. Part two will be posted tomorrow. By Presseject A little over three months ago I had my heart ripped out from me. It happened suddenly and there are few words I can use to describe the pain I felt as dreams, hopes and even what I thought was my own sanity seemed to disappear quickly in a crushing instant that reverberated with off-the-scale emotional aftershocks for weeks into months afterwards. I suffered nearly two months of an awful nerve-wracking traumatic stress reaction, a hypervigilence that has finally recently lessened its grip on me. The Internet, along with my own …

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It looks like Sarah Palin is under Troopergate investigation because of a sociopath

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John McCain, candidate for United States president, surprised everyone by naming Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, as his running mate. Regardless of what you think about her political views, Palin had a reputation as a squeaky clean reformer—at least until "Troopergate" broke in July. According to the Anchorage Daily News, Alaska legislators voted on July 28, 2008, to hire an independent investigator to explore whether Governor Palin, her family, or members of her administration pressured the former Public Safety Commissioner, Walt Monegan, to fire a state trooper. The trooper in question, Michael G. Wooten, is the ex-husband of Molly McCann. McCann and Wooten are locked in a bitter c …

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Fake Rockefeller to be interviewed on Today Show

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A jailhouse interview with "Clark Rockefeller," who authorities believe is really Christian Gerhartsreiter of Germany, will be broadcast Monday and Tuesday on NBC's Today Show. According to an article on MSNBC.com, the bogus Rockefeller now claims that his ex-wife knew he wasn't really a Rockefeller, and used the name to advance her career. Still, he insists that he doesn't remember if he is Christian Gerhartsreiter, and he grew up in New York City. UPDATE 8/25/08 - See the first Today Show interview. Rockefeller in the New York Times I wonder if the Today Show interview will be as clueless as a story in today's New York Times. Plastered across the front of the Sunday Styles section was …

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Domestic violence is not a battle of the sexes, it’s a battle against sociopaths

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Back in June, a New Jersey judge declared the state's Prevention of Domestic Violence Act to be unconstitutional. Judge Francis B. Schultz, of the Superior Court in Hudson County, determined that it was too easy for someone who claimed domestic violence to get a restraining order. The ruling was controversial. When I first read about the case, I was astounded that a court would take such a stand against domestic violence victims. Sandy Clark, associate director of the New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women, considers New Jersey's law to be among the best in the country, according to NJ.com. New Jersey's law The Prevention of Domestic Violence Act is strict. Some of its provisions …

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McGreevey divorce reveals court’s approach to high-conflict cases

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At some point, anyone married to a sociopath is—or should be—headed for divorce. Once the legal proceedings start, they will be brutal, bloody and expensive. The New Jersey Superior Court just released the verdict in the divorce of James E. McGreevey, former governor, and his wife, Dina Matos McGreevey. You may remember this case. On August 12, 2004, Governor James McGreevey held a press conference and announced to the world that he was a "gay American," and he would resign from office because of an alleged affair with a male aide. He hadn't bothered to tell his wife about his sexual orientation until about three days before the press conference. At his insistence, Matos stood beside him a …

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Kidnapping case exposes need for society to learn about psychopaths

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Reigh Storrow Mills Boss, the 7-year-old girl allegedly kidnapped by her father, Clark Rockefeller, has been safely reunited with her mother, Sandra Boss. Last Thursday, I received a phone call from an ABC News reporter who wanted information about women who marry con men. At that point, I knew nothing about the case. The girl's mother had just released a video appeal to the father of the child, pleading for her safe return. But I did know about marrying a con man. After speaking to the reporter for about 30 minutes, I put her in touch with Dr. Liane Leedom and two Lovefraud readers who were willing to be interviewed. Here's the story: How do smart women get taken by con men? The …

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Welcome Steve Becker, LCSW, as a regular Lovefraud author

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Since January, Steve Becker, a licensed clinical social worker and certified hypnotherapist, has been submitting guest columns to Lovefraud. His articles have been insightful looks at pathological personalities. I'm sure you remember them: Differentiating narcissists and psychopaths Psychopaths' cat and mouse game (my personal favorite) The borderline personality as transient sociopath Heeding the exploiter's earliest warnings It's not weakness, but lack of clarity, that exposes us to an exploiter Getting inside the head of the abusive mentality Steve has a private therapy practice based in Westfield, New Jersey, USA. He works with adults, couples, adolescents and …

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After the sociopath, hard-learned truths

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Before I became entangled with the sociopath, I was an avid consumer of self-help books and programs. Although I was successful in my career, I could not get the relationship thing to work. This, of course, was the vulnerability exploited by the sociopath I married, but I get ahead of myself. In my quest for answers—Why was I alone? Why couldn't I find love?—I once participated in a weekend seminar called "Understanding Yourself and Others." After some initial skepticism, I found the program to be helpful. One of the things I remember from the weekend is a pithy little motto: "The truth will set you free—but first it will piss you off." In reference to sociopaths, truer words were never sp …

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Guidelines for posting comments on the Lovefraud Blog

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In the three years since Lovefraud launched, it's grown from a website to a community. I am always amazed and appreciative that so many people are contributing. New readers arrive distraught and asking for help; other readers respond with caring and heartfelt support. People start to recover. It is beautiful to watch. Thank you all. As we post, there is an important fact that we must all keep in mind. Here it is: Linguists estimate that 65 percent to 90 percent of the meaning in human communication is transmitted via nonverbal cues—tone of voice, facial expression, body language. None of these cues, of course, are available over a computer. That means when we post written comments on the L …

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