Editor's note: This article was submitted by Steve Becker, LCSW, CH.T, who has a private psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, and clinical consulting practice in New Jersey, USA. For more information, visit his website, powercommunicating.com. It is not unusual in my clinical experience to see, sometimes, some quite chilling sociopathic activity from my “borderline personality-disordered” clients. When someone has a “borderline personality,” it's quite likely, among other things, that he or she will present with a history of emotional instability; a pattern of chaotic interpersonal relationships; and poor coping skills under stress, reflected in self-destructive/ destructive acting-out and a tendenc …
Humans are lousy lie detectors
An article in last week's New York Times magazine contained the following amazing statement: "Repeating a claim, even if only to refute it, increases its apparent truthfulness." Although the article had nothing to do with sociopaths, the statement made me think of my ex-husband, James Montgomery. Among his many lies, Montgomery claimed to be a member of the Australian military, a decorated Vietnam War hero, and a member of the Special Forces. None of this was true, but from what I can tell, he'd been making the claims since at least 1980 (we met in 1996). They'd been repeated many times, for many years—which apparently enhanced their believability. Like most of us here on Lovefraud, I f …
Discrimination and sociopaths
"Discrimination" has come to be a dirty word. It brings to mind unfair treatment of individuals because of race, religion, gender, national origin, physical disability, sexual orientation or some other broad categorization. People have been killed, beaten, denied jobs, denied housing, prosecuted, persecuted and denigrated because of some demographic category to which they belonged. All of this applies to one meaning of the word "discrimination." But there is another meaning that is vitally important when it comes to sociopaths. Here are the two meanings according to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language: Discrimination Treatment or consideration based on class or …
Signs of a sociopath in Eliot Spitzer
In 2002, Time Magazine named Eliot Spitzer, when he was New York State Attorney General, "Crusader of the Year," due to his relentless pursuit of corporate crime. He went after the giants of Wall Street, extracting large fines for illegal and unethical behavior. That's why his very public downfall has drawn so much interest. And that's why, now he's resigned as governor of New York in disgrace, the stories of his aggressiveness, his bullying, and his apparent belief that the rules did not apply to him, are so widespread. When I first heard that Spitzer was implicated in a prostitution ring, I figured that if anyone had the dirt, it would be the New York Post. How right I was. Frederic …
New Jersey’s bogus Internet Dating Safety law
The Internet Dating Safety Act became law in the state of New Jersey, the home of Lovefraud, on January 13, 2008. It is supposed to take effect next month. The law applies only to New Jersey, USA, residents. It mandates that any Internet dating site must disclose to New Jersey members, clearly and conspicuously, whether it conducts criminal background checks. "The disclosure shall be provided when an electronic mail message is sent or received by a New Jersey member, on the profile describing a member to a New Jersey member, and on the website pages of the Internet dating service used when a New Jersey member signs up," the law states. "A disclosure shall be in bold, capital letters in at …
Bad vibes from a workplace psychopath
Lovefraud recently received an e-mail from a reader. Her company had hired a new guy and she was tasked with helping him learn his job. The guy immediately made her feel extremely uncomfortable. Here's what she wrote: I can't look him in the eye or even stand to talk with him. He is very "nice" and has never shown any angry tendencies. I can't explain my feelings but my intuition tells me to be wary and afraid of him. He exhibits self-important behavior and is glib and overly polite. Just the thought of him makes me shudder. He's never given me any concrete reason to dislike him. However when I very first met him, he was too familiar and presumptuous, calling me by my nickname on the …
Help for healing from the devastation of a sociopath
Many people have asked Lovefraud to suggest a treatment program to help them overcome the personal devastation of a relationship with a sociopath. A friend of Lovefraud, Sandra L. Brown, M.A., offers a program for women who are recovering from such debilitating encounters. Sandra Brown is the author of How to Spot a Dangerous Man, which was reviewed in a previous blog post. The book describes eight types of dangerous men—most of them are sociopaths, or partial sociopaths. Brown then explains how women override their internal warning signals and get involved with these men, even when their instincts are shouting, "Run away!" If you've been in a relationship with a sociopath, at some p …
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Sociopaths use our own dreams to seduce us
Not long ago, a woman from the Philippines contacted Lovefraud. She had been involved in a long-distance relationship (LDR) with an American man whom she met over the Internet. This woman, we'll call her Juanita, fell in love with the guy, even though she never met him in person. Juanita sent her story to Lovefraud—a shortened version is reproduced below. But first, a bit of background. Juanita is separated from her husband and has a child. But although she'd like to find a new husband, she is trapped, because divorce is not legal in the Philippines. Looking for companionship, she turned to the Internet—which is what thousands of Filipinas do. In fact, the mail-order bride business, ma …
If you’re vulnerable, sociopaths will pounce
Last week Lovefraud posted a new True Lovefraud Story about a con artist named Dennis SanSeverino. The creep pretended to be loving and rich long enough to convince his victim to trust him. Then he took her home and inheritance. This story is a classic case of a sociopath targeting the vulnerable. When the victim, Trish Rynn, met SanSeverino, she had just endured a difficult breakup with her boyfriend. In the months that they got to know each other—Rynn initially refused his many dinner invitations—he must have been listening intently as she chatted about her life. Rynn's ex-husband was physically abusive. After the marriage ended, Rynn spent 10 years in court fighting child custody and …
Sociopaths and sex: neither straight nor gay
Many women have written to Lovefraud about husbands who they've come to believe are sociopaths. They were astounded to discover that, not only was the husband cheating, but he was having sex with men. Lovefraud reader eyeswideshut writes about this in a recent comment to the post, After he's gone: looking at the sociopath through open eyes. She asks: Now that I know he is also gay, is sociopathic tendency in married gay men not common as well? When I read the stories of the women in the book ("Straight Wives"), many of the men sound like sociopaths as well. Have you studied this phenomenon? Is it possible that gay men who choose to live the lie of married life are likely also …