How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Passing through the hatred and rage at the sociopath’s betrayal

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Saturday night, the Lovefraud reader "rriinnaa" posted the following under Heeding the Exploiter's Earliest Warning: I cant stop crying .. and I dont know what Im crying over ! Im crying over the happy-go-lucky joyful loving warm Rina.. the woman I once was .. THAT I POSSIBLY won't be again ”¦. i want to be held and rocked until this pain goes away, but i have to work, i have to pay bills,i have to bring up my children ”¦ all the PROMISES HE MADE TO ME, “when you cry Rina, I will cry with you” ”¦.. “I would die for you Rina—¦. “such simple things make you happy Rina”.. “Rina, you are the light in my life—¦ “Rina, you are strong and I believe in you” .. AND AND AND AND AND AND AND .. oh my …

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Help in gathering evidence for a restraining order

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"D" Spotwell knows the frustration of trying to get a restraining order. She had a violent husband (currently serving a life sentence, which is why I'm not using her first name) and another relationship that turned into stalking. She went to court numerous times to get restraining orders, complaining of telephone harassment. She left court empty-handed. Why? Because she had no evidence of the harassing calls. Spotwell has since learned how to get proof of telephone harassment that a judge will usually accept. Now, she's helping women (and men) in similar situations. Spotwell is a representative for a telephone answering system called SpeechPhone. This is essentially a computer technology …

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Finding a real relationship after a sociopath

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The following story was sent by the Lovefraud reader who comments under the name "LovingAnnie." This woman—we'll call her Annie—spent four years waiting for a relationship to materialize with a policeman who tantalized her with flattery and promises. Here's what Annie wrote: Annie and the cop I called 9-1-1 for the first time in my life (a neighbor problem), and when I answered the door, my first thought on seeing him was, "wow—he is sooo cute." We ended up talking for almost an hour and exchanging phone numbers. He told me he'd been a cop for almost 20 years, was divorced with two kids. That a few years after the divorce was final, he had a girlfriend who was also a police officer, but …

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10 tactics for child custody battles with sociopaths

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Dr. Liane Leedom wrote about the tragic case Dr. Amy Castillo, whose children were murdered by their psychopathic father after several judges issued rulings that failed to protect them. I hope this terrible and extreme case will be a wake-up call for family courts. Lovefraud frequently receives e-mail from men and women involved in child custody disputes with sociopaths, who hopefully, are not murderers. Here is one of them: I am involved in a custody case with a sociopath, however, my case is being fought in Europe where I recently relocated to (I am American, he is European). After being the sole caregiver of my children for five years, I had no choice but to leave them with their …

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Victim loses to a con artist, and then to the courts

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"A victim of crime shall be treated with fairness, compassion and respect by the criminal justice system." So states the Crime Victims Constitutional Amendment, added to the state of New Jersey constitution in 1991. New Jersey also has a 14-point Crime Victims Bill of Rights (NJS 52:4B-36), which expands upon the constitutional amendment. Among its provisions, crime victims and witnesses are entitled to: Be treated with dignity and compassion by the criminal justice system. Be informed about the criminal justice process. Have inconveniences associated with participation in the criminal justice process minimized to the fullest extent possible. The Bill of Rights sounds good, …

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The sociopath leaves, and her OCD symptoms disappear

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Editor's note: The following story was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who comments as "Free." I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 13 years. Two years after we started living together, I slowly developed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It first started off with a safety issue, where I was going around the house checking to see if everything was locked and turned off, until it escalated that I couldn't have knives anywhere near me because I was too afraid that I might lash out and hurt someone. I lived in absolute terror because of this. Some instinct told me to hide all of this as much as I could from my husband. But he did find out and he didn't offer any help, or seek help …

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Dad’s troubles with a sociopathic ex-wife

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A Lovefraud reader, whom we'll call Joe, recently sent the following e-mail. Joe's ex-wife has custody of their daughter, whom we'll call Suzie. The ex-wife is clearly using the child to sponge off of Joe. My daughter's mother always wants to control me and our daughter. I'm sure you've heard of these types of cases before. My daughter's mother is constantly trying to use my daughter against me to control me like a puppet. I was with my ex for a period of years before our daughter was born, so I blame myself for seeing some of the signs, but not leaving. I see some change in my daughter's behavior as of late, so I'm a bit concerned. When I have her, she doesn't want to go home and every …

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On psychological head games and “Nookie” the turtle

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Editor's note: This post was submitted by the Lovefraud reader Aloha Traveler. Sociopaths often use subtle methods to intimidate their victims. One of the funniest and most absurd manifestations of this tactic came to me in the form of a small stuffed turtle. I had been on Maui for about six months and was able to get a cheap ticket home to California for a visit with my friends. I was already deep into an abusive and confusing nightmare with the Bad Man. He was twisting up my reality and I needed to be in a place where I knew who I was, with people that knew me well. The Bad Man agreed to take me to the airport for my departure. As I finished packing and was about to zip up my suitcase, …

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Woman sentenced to 99 years for murder

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Last week, Mechele Linehan, 35, of Olympia, Washington, was sentenced to 99 years in prison for the murder of her fiancé, Kent Leppink, back in 1996. She was accused of convincing another fiancé, John Carlin III, of New Jersey, of killing Leppink. The crime and trial took place in Alaska, and Carlin was found guilty of murder. Under Alaska law, Linehan was ruled equally guilty, so she got the same sentence as Carlin. "I can find no principal distinction between the puppet who pulls the trigger and the puppeteer who pulls the strings," said Judge Philip Voland. "In my judgment, Ms. Linehan was the puppeteer who pulled the strings." Crime based on murder movie The case sounds just like a …

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BOOK REVIEW: Legal Abuse Syndrome

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"Victims are created in two ways: by violence or by deceit. Either type of assault immediately renders the victim hostage to the perpetrator." So begins the book Legal Abuse Syndrome, by Karin Huffer, MS, MFT. Lovefraud strongly recommends that anyone who has been victimized by a sociopath read this book, whether you have faced your perpetrator in court or not. The book explains how people who have suffered injury at the hands of some type of predator often face further injury inflicted by lawyers and the courts, who can be, at best, disinterested, and at worst, corrupt. Legal Abuse Syndrome, Huffer says, is a form of post traumatic stress disorder caused by prolonged contact with the …

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