Donna Andersen, Author at Lovefraud | Escape sociopaths - narcissists in relationships

BOOK REVIEW: ‘The Batterer’ describes three types of male abusers

August 26, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 20 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud recognizes that sociopaths are both male and female. This article, however, is about male sociopaths. Updated for 2019 Often, the stories told here on Lovefraud about abusive relationships have so much in common that readers jokingly ask each other if they were involved with the same man. Still, there can be profound differences in the stories. For example, quite a few people have said that the men who abused them sometimes exhibited great shame. I was always mystified by this, because I never saw an ounce of shame in my psychopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. I assumed that those who were exhibiting shame were playacting. Maybe they weren't. A few …

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Feds break up $46 million romance scam and business fraud ring based in California and Nigeria

August 25, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

Last week the FBI charged 80 people, mostly Nigerian con artists, with allegedly running a massive fraud ring that targeted businesses, the elderly and people looking for love online. Fourteen people were arrested in the United States. Eleven were in the Los Angeles area, including the ringleaders, Valentine Iro, 31, and Chukwudi Christogunus Igbokwe, 38, who are Nigerian nationals residing in California. Most of the other people named in the indictment are in Nigeria. The suspects allegedly perpetrated both romance scams and business fraud. Many of the romance scam victims were elderly. One Japanese woman believed she was sending money to a U.S. Army captain stationed in Syria. …

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New webinar Sept. 19: How to Start Your Recovery from Emotional and Psychological Abuse

August 24, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

By the time it sinks in that you're involved with a sociopath, you're a mess. You've been betrayed, beaten down and abused. You know you need to make a change, but you don't know where you'll find the strength. Lovefraud's new webinar can help. Mandy Friedman, LPCC, is the instructor in one of Lovefraud's most popular courses, Self-Care for Complex PTSD. In her new course, she's taking a broader look at how to move forward. Start your new life by joining her! How to Start Your Recovery from Emotional and Psychological Abuse Instructor — Mandy Friedman, LPCC, CCDVC Thursday, September 19, 2019 • 8 pm ET $37.50 for 90 minutes of instruction Sign up today! …

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50 classic warning signs of sociopathic behavior in one BBC story

August 19, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

A Lovefraud reader recently sent me a story from the BBC about a relationship with a sociopath, although the article never comes out and says it. Here's the summary: When Anna, an actress, fell in love with an older and more successful actor he seemed like the perfect man. They quickly became engaged - but then he began to change. It took time for her to realise that her fairytale romance had become an abusive relationship. The article highlights typical behavior of a predatory sociopath, and the typical responses of his unsuspecting target. I point out 50 warning signs below. But first, I invite you to read the article. Emotional abuse: 'My fiancé seemed perfect - but he wanted to …

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Deception: the sociopath’s key strategy

August 12, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 12 Comments

My blog article last week was entitled, Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid. I related several stories of people who thought they were in romantic relationships, but everything their so-called partners told them was a lie. One woman lost $100,000. Another lost her life. In response to the article, I received the following comment from a reader: I’ve figured out that the common denominator with all these love scams, is lack of SELF love! Why are there so many ppl that don’t love themselves enough to not place themselves in these crazy scenarios? In some cases, there may be truth to this observation — yes, some people do not think highly of themselves. But I do …

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Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid

August 5, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 3 Comments

A woman from Queensland, Australia, trying to help her online lover, found herself in the middle of a $6 million romance scam. The 60-year-old woman met the man, who claimed to be American, 18 months ago. He convinced her to send him $100,000 of her own money. Then she gave the man her bank details, and he deposited $6 million into her account — money that had been swindled from a South Korean business. In a news article on ABC.net.au, Detective Senior Sergeant Daren Edwards gave his opinion of the woman's actions in the romance scam: "I think it's just blatant stupidity — there's no other word for it." Those of us who've lost money to sociopathic love interests usually do feel stu …

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3 vital concepts about sociopaths that are key to our survival

July 29, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 6 Comments

Two Lovefraud readers recently sent in articles explaining their views regarding their experiences with sociopaths. Their opinions are almost completely opposite from each other. In The importance of recognizing the complexities of sociopath relationships, the reader “Andrea19” suggests a nuanced way of looking at our experiences with sociopaths. Yes, her ex-husband is manipulative and deceptive, she writes, but she acknowledges that she has her own mental health issues that contributed to the dysfunctional relationship. The Lovefraud reader “Lanie19” takes a different view. In her article, I lived among sociopathic monsters all of my life, she comes out and says, “They are all monsters.” H …

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‘Listen to your intuition,’ says a woman who didn’t, and died regretting it

July 22, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 6 Comments

Last year, I had an email exchange with a woman whom we'll call, "Amy." I sent out a newsletter that included an article about staying safe from sociopaths by listening to our intuition. Amy responded: *** Nov. 13, 2018 Hi Donna, This is so true about intuition. The biggest mistake I made was not trusting my gut feeling that there was something wrong with the man to whom I was engaged. I asked everyone, friends and family, for support and they all said i should marry him. Now I realize that the quick engagement was a trap to get me hooked and committed, to be hesitant to break it off. I see it now as a real tactic to get me hooked. Back then, it seemed like the worst thing to be …

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The sociopath preys on young girls with vulnerabilities

July 18, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 3 Comments

Editor's note: This story was written by a Lovefraud reader who posts as "stars4healing." I'm not a good storyteller. I just want to try my best to put some facts out there in case it helps someone. This is just a couple easy to explain things he put me (and others) through. He is an engineer, very smart man. Comes off as perverted, "creepy" (he hates that word), and desperate. He likes to seem like a helper. This way he can look like a victim when his "helpers" report his abuse. He preys on young girls with vulnerabilities, mainly drug addicts. Thanks to me, he's mastered the art of exploiting and humiliating an addict. I wasn't addicted when I met him. I was a teenager; he was 10 …

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7 Classic lies from sociopaths and how to spot them

July 15, 2019 // by Donna Andersen// 5 Comments

Sociopaths lie. No matter what type of relationship you have with a sociopath — romantic, family, business or casual — sooner or later the sociopath will lie to you. The circumstances may vary, the scale of the lie may vary, but at some point the sociopath will tell you something that simply isn't true. Following are seven classic lies from sociopaths (people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders). How many have you heard? I love you Sociopaths are incapable of love, as you and I understand it. Real love includes caregiving, and sociopaths simply cannot put someone else's well being before their own. How …

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Donna Andersen on Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths: “Truthmatters – excellent, excellent points. Even when we notice our instincts warning us, the sociopaths often try to convince us…”
truthmatters on Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths: “I would like to add a caution to all that ample disordered personalities know that your intuition will kick off…”
Donna Andersen on After the sociopath, proud of my healing: “Eleanor – Congratulations to you and all survivors. And thank you so much for your kind words. You, too, have…”
sept4 on Am I a sociopath magnet?: “Not me, I am one and done! My sociopath ex husband wrecked my life and I have never wanted to…”
sept4 on My psychopathic ex-husband is dead, and his pedophile brother is in prison: “Thank you Donna for sharing. My sociopath ex husband is a convicted criminal and continued his criminal activity after a…”