Yes, there is love after the sociopath, and the proof is in the kiwi tart that my husband, Terry Kelly, made for us today. We received a gift box of fruit, including golden kiwis. It came with a recipe for a kiwi tart. Yesterday, Terry bought the rest of the ingredients. This morning, he made the tart. Why is the timing significant? Because I have hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar. I need to monitor my sugar intake, and if I eat sweets too late in the day, such as after dinner, the sugar keeps me awake half the night. Terry made the tart early so we could enjoy it with our lunch, and I'd be able to sleep later. This is just the latest of the multitude of pleasures and kindnesses that …
Range of sociopathic behavior: From sleazy to serial killer
UPDATED FOR 2020: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Jason." It's an opportunity to explain the range of sociopathic behavior. My best friend of 20 years I believe is a sociopath. It's very sad because you want to give a person the benefit of the doubt, but after awhile it becomes apparent. He displays all the characteristics of the sociopath. I'm smart, but I can't convince myself with 100% certainty that he's a sociopath (maybe most people can't.) It's hard to reconcile with it. Is there any advice you can give me? Yes, Jason. First I'll give the somewhat easy explanation; then I'll give the more technical explanation. Cluster of traits and …
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‘Love Fraud’ on Showtime – four-part docu-series begins Sunday Aug. 30
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/FZmO_BphMQE"] Love Fraud, a four-part docu-series, is coming to Showtime beginning Sunday, Aug. 30, at 9 pm ET. It's not my story, but that's okay — I'm all in favor of anyone drawing attention to the massive problem of sociopaths using love to manipulate and exploit people. I will be discussing each episode of Love Fraud on Showtime on my Lovefraud Live! YouTube show beginning Tuesday, Sept. 1 at 8 pm ET. This four-part docu-series follows the search for one man, Richard Scott Smith, who over the past 20 years has used the Internet and his dubious charms to prey upon unsuspecting women in search of love — conning them out of their money and dignity. Th …
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The smear campaign: when sociopaths lie about you
UPDATED FOR 2020: It's bad enough that sociopaths lie to hook you. But they also lie about you, which is known as the "smear campaign." Anything they tell you about themselves may be false — their age, education, credentials, family details, income, criminal record, job or work history. And of course, sociopaths typically lie about their relationship history and status. They claim to be single when they are married; they claim to be childless when they have many offspring — even with multiple partners. Sociopaths lie — it's the key characteristic of the disorder. When you fall for the lies, you feel like a chump. But what often turns out to be even more devastating is the lies they tell …
Comparing relationships with sociopaths and borderlines
UPDATED FOR 2020 — Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader Victimcindy about relationships with sociopaths and borderlines. Donna Andersen responds after the letter. My first relationship, after my 18-year marriage to a sociopath, was with a borderline personality disordered (BPD) man. Do you find this common, as the disordered traits are opposite in some areas? We think we are getting something new and healthy. Comparing relationships with sociopaths and borderlines Spath vs BPD: sex My spath-ex withheld sex as power. The borderline was highly sexual. My spath-ex was charming, but lacked empathy and was emotionally unavailable. He also abused substances, w …
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Sociopaths, pain and the Primal Scream
UPDATED FOR 2020: The Primal Scream — I remember this book being all the rage when it was published in 1970, even though at the time I had just started high school. Everyone was talking about the book, by Arthur Janov, and the therapy he developed, called primal therapy. For me, that was the end of it. I never read the book. I never heard anything more about Arthur Janov. I haven't thought about Primal Scream or primal therapy in more than 40 years, until a Lovefraud reader brought it up. The reader sent me a link to an article on Arthur Janov's blog. (He was alive until recently. Janov died in 2017 at the age of 93.) The article was is entitled Why we need safety, and it was published …
Dealing with nasty emails from sociopaths
UPDATED FOR 2020 — The Lovefraud reader "Flicka" copied us on the following email thread. The exchange is a good example of how sociopaths use every opportunity to assert control, divide and conquer family members, and engage in character assassination. So how do you deal with nasty emails from sociopaths? By way of background, Flicka was married to a sociopath. Unfortunately, all of her five children inherited their father's disorder and also became sociopaths. Flicka's children are now adults, and she is estranged from all of them. So now, when she should be doting on her grandchildren, she barely sees them. One son, whom we'll call "Bill," was married to a Vietnamese woman, whom w …
5 reasons why we fall for a con artist
UPDATED FOR 2020: We discover that our romantic partner is a complete and utter fake, and we wonder how in the world we could ever fall for a con artist. The proclamations of love, the stories of his or her past — nothing was true. All the money that our partner desperately needed — or promised would buy a life of luxury for the two of us — well, that evaporated into expensive and unnecessary toys, or a secret life with one or more other lovers (targets). When it finally sinks in that we've been conned, the first question we ask of ourselves is, "How could I have been so stupid?" Followed by, "Why didn't I see this coming?" Feeling like chumps, we come down really hard on ourse …
Question: Are there harmless sociopaths?
Editor's note: Last week Lovefraud published an article written by a reader who posts as "Natalia20" called, "The sociopathic singer and his many women." Today, I'll address another of her questions, "Are there harmless sociopaths?" Of course, sociopaths usually have some agenda ... exploiting, want a control, etc. But are there people who have no empathy and conscience but live their lives “normally” without having any victims – just not having emotions? I give you an example: My friend Kat. She earns a lot of money but she is super stingy, and always a freeloader but I don´t think she would use someone in order to gain (but she doesn´t feel embarrassed about asking for guest lists and …
Yes, many rioters are sociopaths
All across America, protests against the death of George Floyd while in police custody have devolved into riots, looting, arson and vandalism. I am willing to bet that many of the rioters are sociopaths, or followers of sociopaths. Atlantic City, New Jersey, where I live, was targeted. I went for a walk on the Boardwalk last Monday morning, as I do once or twice a week. I passed multiple stores that were boarded up — one of them after windows were smashed. The Boardwalk has been desolate since March, ever since the coronavirus closed all the casinos, restaurants and stores. Things have been eerily quite, but nothing was boarded up. That all changed when rioters came to Atlantic City — sma …