Donna Andersen

UPDATED FOR 2024. Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. These are common experiences when you’re romantically involved with a sociopath. The sociopath's behavior in your relationship makes no sense. You ask yourself, or your friends, or your therapist, questions like: Sociopathic behaviors are so confusing because your expectations about what a romantic relationship is, and how people who are supposed to be in love treat each other, are totally different from those of the sociopath. You believe that when people are in love, you are good and kind to each other. You treat each other with respect. You support and value each other. You don’t lie, and you don’t intentionally hurt each other …

5 Reasons why the sociopath’s behavior in your relationship makes no senseRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, had a collection of photos of naked women. The photos were not of me. I discovered the photos one day while he wasn't home and I was looking for a phone number. I opened his desk drawer, and there they were — no faces, just pictures of certain body parts. Stunned, I threw the photos in the trash. When Montgomery came home, I confronted him. "I found your photos. Who are these women?" I demanded. Montgomery was nonchalant. "They're from my past. Nothing for you to worry about." "Why do you have them?" I demanded. "I look at them from time to time. It helps me stay faithful to you. Where are they?" "I threw t …

Sociopaths and sexually explicit photosRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. You're shattered. You thought you finally met your soul mate, the person you were waiting for all your life. This charming, charismatic and attentive romantic partner swept you off your feet in a whirlwind romance. It was good — no, it was fabulous — until it wasn't. Now you know you had a romance with a sociopath. What does this mean? Perhaps you were subjected to the "devalue and discard" routine. Or you discovered that your partner wasn't the person he or she claimed to be. However it happened, you are heartbroken. I talk to a lot of people, both men and women, who are, or were, romantically involved with sociopaths. They're devastated, of course. But what is truly min …

10 facts about your romance with a sociopath that you must believe, even though you don’t want toRead More

“The ends justify the means” — this is the basic philosophy Machiavellianism, and I heard the statement multiple times from my psychopathic ex-husband. Machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism are the three personality disorders of the Dark Triad, and my colleague, Dan Jones, recently gave a TEDx talk on how to spot and deal with them.  Dan is a psychology researcher and associate professor of management at the University of Nevada, Reno. He specializes in the Dark Triad, particularly Machiavellianism. This is a personality trait characterized by manipulativeness, deceitfulness, high levels of self-interest, according to Psychology Today. Niccolo Machiavelli The trait i …

Dan Jones explains how to protect yourself from Dark Triad manipulatorsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. The behavior of some people in your life leaves you shocked and mystified. They tell stories that don't add up, in fact, they flat out lie. They are charming one minute and hateful the next. They hurt you, seemingly on purpose, and then act like nothing happened. You come to the conclusion that something is wrong with them. They need help. They should go to therapy. The behavior I described above is typical of psychopathy and other personality disorders. So can therapy help a psychopath? I once posted a link to an extensive article published by The Atlantic called, When Your Child Is a Psychopath, by Barbara Bradley Hagerty. I invite you to read this article, …

Can therapy help a psychopath? 3 key factorsRead More

UPDATED FOR 2024. Shock. Total disbelief. Utter incomprehension. That's what we feel upon finally realizing that when the sociopath cheated on us, blew through our money, twisted our emotions and messed with our minds, to him or her it was all just a sick, depraved game. Sociopaths do not form emotional connections with other human beings. They do not experience love. They do not feel honor, altruism or concern for others. The words they speak and the actions they take have only one objective: getting what they want. To them, life is a game, and they want to win. Game theory is a field of study that, according to Wikipedia, “attempts to mathematically capture behavior in strategic s …

Game theory and the sociopathRead More