How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Gen. David Petraeus scandal displays the range of human misbehavior

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I've been incredulously half-following the media reports of the scandal involving General David Petraeus; his paramour Paula Broadwell; Jill Kelley, whose complaint about harassing emails touched off the investigation; Natalie Khawam, Kelley's twin sister who was embroiled in a nasty custody fight; General John Allen, who allegedly sent "flirtatious" emails to Kelley; and a shirtless FBI agent. This story is so convoluted that it's tough to follow all the characters and allegations. I found a really good summary on MotherJones.com, complete with updates as the story got thicker and thicker: The David Petraeus Scandal, Explained I thought there must be a lesson in this story …

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What feels like pain is really progress

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Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Cassandra." My reply follows the letter. I don't even know where to begin but I'll try and make it short. Won't be sweet though. I am a long time advocate of Lovefraud. I was a victim of a psychopath over 7 years ago. I was with him for 5 years, we had a house together, dogs, like a married couple. Finally a girl confronted me and told me he was living a double life, as well as having sex with both men and women. And I was not shocked. Just angry at myself for not facing the truth for so long. I ended the relationship. He tried to get me back. I got a restraining order. To this day he still tries to email and …

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Research findings: workplace psychopaths

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Editor's note: A master's student from Carleton University in Ottowa, Canada, is researching psychopaths in the workplace. She invited Lovefraud readers to participate in her research, and many of you did. Below are her preliminary findings. Backstabbing bosses and callous co-workers: An examination of the experience of working with a psychopath. Very little research has been conducted on the phenomenon of corporate psychopathy or victims of psychopaths. This study was one of the first to take a victimcentric approach to study how psychopaths behave in a workplace. The purpose of the study was to better understand the effects (mental, physical, financial, social) of working with an …

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Why we get hooked on unpredictable romance

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Many Lovefraud readers have experienced the phenomenon of knowing that a romantic partner is unreliable and even bad for them, but they keep taking the person back. A psychiatrist explains why this happens. Blame your brain. I heart unpredictable love, on NYTimes.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Hurricanes, warnings and not wanting to believe

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The predictions were dire. Hurricane Sandy had been stewing in the Caribbean for days. It was projected to travel up the East Coast of the United States and then make a left turn—heading directly into my home at the Jersey Shore. A year ago, my husband, Terry, and I had heard similar warnings about Hurricane Irene. Officials were predicting a direct hit and ordered everyone to evacuate the islands along the Jersey Shore. We moved as much as we could from our ground floor, which actually goes down two steps from the sidewalk. It included the queen-sized mattress from the futon in our recreation room, the television, my husband's drum set, tools and boxes and boxes of Lovefraud materials. T …

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TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: He told me he loved me and would someday marry me

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Lovefraud received the following email from a young lady whom we'll call "Suzette." I'm only twenty years old & I feel like my soul has been snatched out of me. I met him in my neighborhood; we'd been acquainted for a year. He contacted me out of the blue about how hurt he was that his girlfriend cheated (Lie#1). We hung out, I was charmed & wooed and he told me he loved me, & would someday marry me because I was the one. He just didn't know if he could handle jumping into something serious. I settled for taking it slow. He claimed he fell on hard times (Lie#2), couldn't find a job (actually wasn't looking) and needed a place to stay. I have a giving heart and so I felt sorry …

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News reports say British TV star Jimmy Savile was a sexual predator for decades

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Jimmy Savile was one of the most well-know stars of British television. Everyone knew he was eccentric and many people apparently knew he was also a sexual predator who targeted young girls for decades. Jimmy Savile scandal on BBC.co.uk. 'If we blabbed on Jimmy, the family would have been left with nothing': Savile's abused great niece tells how paedophile DJ bought his relatives' silence, on DailyMail.co.uk. Britain's Jimmy Savile abuse scandal: how could his crimes have gone unnoticed for so long? on WashingtonPost.com. Links supplied by a Lovefraud reader. [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/6nHDZfSl36g] …

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What should she do about a violent stalker?

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader: Your website has been very enlightening. I was dating a psychopath for a few months. Luckily I escaped before too long. He fits the traits TO A TEE! Everything this man said was a lie. I could go on and on about the things that happened but I am typing on my smart phone and am just looking for your advice on one thing for now. One of the things I found out he was lying about was the fact that he went to prison for murder. He is on parole.  After I left him (I am now 3000 miles away) he has been calling me sometimes 30 times a day. I had to call block and text block him. I am considering calling his probation officer to …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Before marriage, do your homework

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Editor's note: The following article was received by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." It's been over a year since I discovered that the man that I married had been living a double-life before we ever even met. My vulnerabilities were the beacon that he gravitated towards: exiting an abusive marriage, loving to my children, spiritually "grounded," artistic and creative, and all of these attributes and vulnerabilities in addition to a "socially connected" family with a colorful history were exploitable and desirable. I believed his words and assertions because I wanted to. I "needed" to feel validated and valued because I couldn't provide this to myself, on my own. I've …

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Disarray in the DSM-5

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The American Psychiatric Association is in the process of updating its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the DSM-5. This is the "bible" used by psychiatrists and other mental health professionals to diagnosis psychiatric conditions, including antisocial personality disorder. Two members of the committee working on personality disorders have resigned, stating that the proposal displays a "stunning disregard for evidence." Dr. Liane Leedom and I had issues with how the first draft described antisocial personality disorder, which was why we conducted a Lovefraud survey back in 2010. Based on the survey results, we submitted Lovefraud's  comment about sociopaths for the DSM-5. The d …

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