How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Another reason to discuss psychopathy: Jane’s story

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It is cleansing for people to discuss their experiences with psychopathy.  Some stories are unbelievable, mimicking the material that should only appear in movies. Others pack a less dramatic punch, but are, perhaps, even more devastating.  That's the nature of most brushes with psychopathy.  When the stories are ours, however, it is not until we start to learn about the disorder, that we are able to begin making sense of the non-sense and heal.  Without a working knowledge, success is rare.  Our desire to identify and overcome is often how we end up here.  Since I began sharing what I know, many have begun telling me of their struggles.  Often, they have few words for the relief this brings …

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Poor Bonnie or Bonnie and Clyde? A look at the accomplice

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Where we find psychopaths, we may find accomplices.  There are no shortages of individuals who are ready and waiting to champion psychopaths' causes or support their agendas.  This happens in a variety of circumstances and for a variety of reasons.  However, if our brushes with psychopathy came by way of romantic involvement, we may have lived through the experience  of having been "replaced."  This is common because relationships with psychopaths do not endure.  This doesn't reflect on us, as we probably once thought.  Rather, it is merely a phenomenon that comes with the territory. Initially, we may have been upset or experience sadness and confusion.  However, in time, those feelings te …

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Chasing ghosts: psychopathy and the children

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Psychopaths tend to be sexually promiscuous.  They often have numerous short term romantic relationships and indiscriminant sexual encounters throughout their lives.  Further, they commonly engage carelessly and recklessly, without regard for consequences.  This, unfortunately, often leaves trails of children behind in their wakes. Psychopaths do not make good parents.  They may be able to create the children, but do not have the ability to effectively parent.  Frequently, they fail to properly provide for these children in most ways, as they are unusually focused on themselves, their own wants and needs, and often driven to act in anger and revenge.  This is true, independent of whether o …

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Just a dream: the subconscious doesn’t forget

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One night last week, I awoke from a very real dream.  It was not horrible or frightening.  In fact, it was quite ordinary.  It was a very accurate depiction of the everyday exchanges that commonly occurred in what was once my life.  As dreams go, things were slightly out of place and somewhat strange, but I understood. In the dream, it was a crisp October evening.  I was dressed in jeans and a sweater.  He was dressed in navy blue dress pants and a white shirt.  The accoutrements were missing from the shirt, as they often were in reality.  Why we were together, as he came from work, I have no idea. I was younger in the dream, the age I was the day we met, but he was his current age.  We …

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Help me understand: questions and observations in the aftermath

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This past year, I began speaking publicly on domestic violence and psychopathy.  As many of you know, I feel that I have a bit of a responsibility to educate others on the matter.  As a result, from time to time, people contact me or put their friends in touch with me if they suspect I can somehow help them make sense of their experiences.  Some are in the beginning phases of understanding abusive personalities and/or psychopathy, while others have no idea what has rocked their worlds. Last week, someone who was struggling to find answers asked me a series of questions.  Not only were they excellent, but they were ones that we have all probably asked. "How did such an intelligent, str …

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What do psychopaths know about themselves?

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Do psychopaths know what they are?  Do they know that they are different from the rest of us?  I believe the answer to both of these questions may be yes.  As neuropsychiatry makes progress, science offers various thoughts and opinions on the matter.  But while medicine is working hard to unlock the mind's secrets, we may be able to draw valuable discussion from our own experiences. Since psychopaths are not a particularly introspective group, I am not suggesting that they possess great insight regarding their pathology.  However, I believe they do have some level of awareness.  They may realize that they do not experience appropriate emotions and that they live their lives and view their …

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Gain disguised as loss; healing after the storm

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Few, if any, walk away from their experiences with psychopaths completely unscathed.  They may leave us bankrupt, homeless, or destitute.  They may feign victimization, as they continue to wage their assaults, further insulting what we actually endured at their hands.  Their thirst for destruction may be almost insatiable when it comes to us. Those are just the tangible losses.  Let us give equal time to the emotional confusion and trauma.  Many of us suffer from PTSD, depression, or serious physical medical concerns, as a result.  Living through experiences with psychopaths, or those with such features, is an incredible feat. While we tend to focus on the negative consequences, we shou …

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Contracts, Property, Civil Procedure, and Lawyering Skills

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Today, I am piggy-backing on Cappuccinoqueen's post from yesterday regarding Family Court.  I was accepted to law school for the Fall 2012 school year. The title contains a sampling of a "first year's" classes.  As you can imagine, there's a lot to accomplish prior to taking Family Law.  Although a remarkable opportunity, I plan to table this option for now.  However, I have not completely eliminated the possibility for the future.   Justice is something worth fighting for.  Whether I do it as an attorney or not, I will continue to do it. What on earth possessed me to apply to law school?  I cannot credit (or blame) one single person or event.  Rather, my desire to make Family Court sl …

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When the emotionally abused “behave badly”

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Has the emotionally abusive individual in your life ever "encouraged" you to behave badly?  Were you "pushed" into an emotional response that placed you in a less than favorable light?  Did this response seem to bring satisfaction to your abuser?  Did he or she gain sympathy or affirmation from others because of your upset?  Were you "baited," into confrontations that ultimately left you very visibly shaken, angry, scared, or feeling out of control?  Afterward, were you left confused and wondering what just happened?  Worse, yet, were you then accused of being "crazy" or "abusive" by your abuser?  Did the events ever cause you to question yourself? If you are or were involved with a psycho …

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When is enough, enough?

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The only constant in life is that very little remains constant.  None of us know exactly what our futures hold.  This is true for everyone, regarding most aspects of life.  However, when recovering from relationships with psychopathic individuals or those with psychopathic features, it is an especially important concept for us to understand. Why?  The reality is that sometimes they like to hold on to us.  While the notion seems to defy logic, it is extremely common.  As a result, we must be ready for what this brings, so that we do not allow them to get the best of us or hinder our recoveries.  Their inabilities to release us can rapidly turn bizarre and cause significant harm, emotional o …

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