Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from a reader whom we'll call "Eugenie." My sociopath got in touch through a mutual friend on Facebook. We had been at college together, although I didn't remember him. He was quirky, charismatic, attentive, open, romantic and respectful. We didn't even kiss until I'd been seeing him for six weeks. Over the next few months, we went on several weekends away to European cities and to places in England —where I'm from. We saw each other about twice a week and I was happy with that. I have a busy and independent life and he appeared to have the same. He had a history of serial adultery, a failed marriage, several failed relationships and m …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I lived in denial
Editor's note: The following story was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Alyce." When is it possible to forgive myself? I met a very charismatic man who was lecturing at a local dog boarding kennel. Over the course of a year I attended training, and I watched him help many people. He quoted science books and talked about papers he had written at university. We became friends, me asking for advice and he was always obliging beyond anyone else I met. I was quite attracted to him, but happy to keep that attraction to myself. Then he declared one day he was attracted to me. I suppose I was flattered. A romance began and we moved far too quickly. Before I knew it we were …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I need to have my experience to count for something
Editor's note: The following was written by Noelle R. Andrews, author of "Aftermath of Rock 'n' Roll." Read about her book in the article posted earlier today. Some people are born selfless. Mother Teresa, who worked with Calcutta's poor for decades, is a classic example. The caring people who worked with lepers on Hawaii's island of Molokai are another. Other people, like me, take up a cause because some experience has affected our lives in a profound way. Susan G. Koman's sister died of breast cancer. The foundation she created in her sister's honor is one of the best-known fundraisers for this disease. Jennie McCarthy has fought to raise awareness for autism, after her son was given …
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Acceptance: I don’t have to like the situation, but I recognize the truth of what it is
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." After the sociopathic ex left our marital home, I fell into a vortex of fear, panic, anxiety, and desperation that I had previously never even imagined to exist. At that time, I was unemployed and extremely sick from the autoimmune disorder that had laid me low years before. I was left with no income, no access to joint accounts, no computer to check said accounts, a mortgage that was being "accelerated" into foreclosure, a car loan and utilities that were all in arrears of no less than 3 months, and change in a glass jar. The financial arrears were a complete surprise I had no idea that these accounts were …
Acceptance: I don’t have to like the situation, but I recognize the truth of what it isRead More
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He told me exactly what I wanted to hear
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "wantmylifeback41." When I first met him, I felt I loved him before I even knew him. He is the total opposite of me— a short, stocky dark hair Italian with eyes that seemed to focus on my every word. He moved quickly with me, telling me God had sent him an angel and he couldn't wait to begin a life with me. I was so drawn to his looks and him being so attentive on me, I fell for him quickly. Daughters He is nine years younger than me and told me of his abusive childhood from his mother. I felt the need to protect him. He had two daughters at the time who were around 5 and 6 (they are 12 and 13 now) that his mother …
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LETTERS TO LOVE FRAUD: A tale of 4 wives
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who knows the 3rd wife. We'll call her "Observer." While married to the 1st wife, he had a child out of wedlock with another woman, so two of his daughters are the same age. He left his girlfriend and went back to his wife, never making an attempt to contact this child again. He still brags about removing all the household belongings while the grandmother babysat, even taking the pictures off the wall. Years later his 1st wife's sister would explain to the 3rd wife that she came home from work to find her house cleaned out, “She got the kids, but he gets everything else.” His excuse is that none of his wives work and don't …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How sociopaths twist words and actions
Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader "Rochelle." As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples: What you do or say and what the sociopath hears Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues. Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues. Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive. Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something. Crying because I am hurting = drama queen. Me asking him not to bring up a topic while …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The king, the charade, the wardrobe change
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “LadyinRed.” I call myself Lady in Red. Surreal, this journey has been, ongoing it is. I live in hiding. A facade, a delusion much of my life has been. I finally awoke. I became aware. This last year has shown me. A sense of entitlement I see in so many. They take from others, wanting more. A mask they wear. Welcome to my theatre, a comic tragedy. I was half past my fourth decade, separated for years, two daughters I raised. One day my eldest said, I did something for you, come see! She showed me an account on a date site in my name. Time to get out there she said, play the dating game. A computer I had never use …
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Towards a graduate degree in Workplace S&P&N-ology
Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader PressEject. He previously wrote "Male and female sociopaths have remarkable similarities." Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. It has been about 4 1/2 years since my absurd abuse at the hands of the sociopath, which your great site helped me to make sense of, and, to eventually overcome. I am writing today in gratitude, but also with a bit of an update and reminder (at least to myself) to remain vigilant. With your help, and with the help and support of your readers, I finally had a set of tools to work with to navigate the world should S's and P's and N's eventually fall right back in my pathway. …
Fear-based thinking no longer runs my life
Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” According to my counseling therapist, I became involved with sociopaths as a result of their motivations and their abilities to note my strengths and vulnerabilities. My vulnerabilities were formed during my childhood and manifested as a crippling condition termed, “shame core.” This core was based upon my experiences in a dysfunctional family environment of alcoholism. For whatever reasons, I believed that I was responsible for the happiness and well-being of everyone, and I mean everyone. This false sense of responsibility prepared me for a lifetime of fear-based decisions and choices that included marryi …