Lovefraud Blog

March 30: Free online introduction to Donna Eden’s Energy Medicine

March 26, 2016 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Recently I received an email about a free online program being presented by Donna Eden, the pioneer of energy medicine, on Wednesday, March 30, 2016. Energy medicine is a combination of Eastern healing disciplines and Western science. The basic premise is that life energy flows through our bodies called qi in Chinese medicine and prana in Sanskrit. All illness reflects a block or disturbance in the life force. Opening the block and restoring the proper energy flow can lead to healing. Simple daily practices can keep your life force flowing the way it should, to build your vitality and prevent illness. Although it is not well known in our society, energy medicine is one of five alternative …

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If you’re a domestic abuse survivor, a researcher wants to know about your experience

March 25, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// 2 Comments

Hello. My name is Courtney Humeny and I am a PhD candidate in Cognitive Science at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada. I am carrying out an online study on survivors of romantic relationships with psychopathic partners. If you are interested in learning more please see the details below: Who we are recruiting The “Emotion, resilience, and post-traumatic growth in domestic abuse survivors” study investigates the outcome of being in an abusive romantic relationship. We are looking for participants (aged over 18) who identify as being in a prior heterosexual abusive romantic relationship. Abusive experiences may include verbal/ emotional abuse (i.e., bullying, manipulation), coercion (i.e., …

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Sociopaths: Setting The Stage For Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Behavior

March 24, 2016 // by O.N.Ward// 17 Comments

Below is an edited excerpt from my book that spotlights how my ex-husband's, subtle, consistent, insidious devaluation of me throughout or marriage helped set the stage for his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior. Devaluing Everyday Tasks One of "Paul's" favorite chronic erosion techniques was to devalue the need to do a task. If I went ahead and did the job, he showed no appreciation. Instead, he ridiculed me, because the task was clearly unnecessary. This technique not only got him off the hook, it had the added bonus of devaluing much of what I did. Help mop up the basement? Just turn on a dehumidifier. Help shovel snow? His car could easily plow through it. Why did I even need to leave the …

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After a superficial two-year courtship, calling it quits

March 23, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// 7 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Annalise." Experts say date 2 years before you can fully know someone, so here's my story: Despite pouring over these websites and reading blog after blog to educate myself and heal myself, I've let another unsuspected sociopath into my life, or maybe I've know all along. So the first sociopath was an 8 month roller coaster with red flags everywhere, despite his coming off a 20 year marriage with a 15 year management job. He was on the higher end of the scale. And despite the stability with his first marriage and job: he truly was the Devil's child and it haunts me to this day. This other guy that I dated …

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He was either the most incredible person I ever met, or a deplorable monster

March 19, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// 125 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Adelaide." Names are changed. I met Joe at a bar. It was the first time I ever went out alone. I was forcing myself to do new things on my own. Trying to prove to myself I did not need a man beside me to do the things I wanted to do. After I ordered my drink I started to feel uncomfortable. I noticed a jukebox and thought it would give me some comfort to hear some music I enjoy. So, I went to put in my selections. When I turned back around I noticed someone sitting in my chair. All my belongings had been pushed to the side. But my drink remained right where I left it. I immediately got angry ... wrinkled my …

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Undercover British cops deceived women they spied on into relationships

March 18, 2016 // by Donna Andersen// 3 Comments

Here's a whole new twist on relationship fraud police chiefs in the U.K. have admitted that undercover cops engaged in "abusive and manipulative" relationships with women involved in political organizations that they were assigned to spy on. One of the victims, Helen Steel, told her story in detail. The behavior of the man she was involved with, John Dines, was right out of the sociopath playbook. Seven women reached an out-of-court settlement with police. An eighth woman did not agree to the settlement. Five undercover officers engaged in the fake relationships. A Lovefraud reader brought this story to our attention. She comments: How far should the police be allowed to go? Four undercover …

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On The Sociopath’s Menu– Kernels Of Truth With A Side of Word Salad

March 17, 2016 // by O.N.Ward// 47 Comments

A crazy-making, confidence-eroding weapon many sociopaths wield is their skill with words. Below is an edited excerpt from my book that highlights how my ex-husband ("Paul") manipulated our marital therapist. ”¦The therapist looked at me and said, “Have you ever asked Paul if he's having an affair?” “No, I guess not,” I responded. “Maybe you should.” “Now?” “Why not?” the therapist replied. “Paul,” I said, “are you having an affair with Anne-Marie?” Turning the Tables “I am so hurt that you would even think that,” Paul replied, appearing genuinely concerned. Notice, he did not answer the question. Instead, he used the diversion tactics of trying to elicit pity and putting me on the def …

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It’s like the authorities are all assisting my sociopathic ex in the fraud

March 16, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// 23 Comments

Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Mother.Love." Married him and had 2 children. After the second child we decided I could stay home as his construction business was doing well. During that time, we remodeled a home, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and survived twice and raised 2 children with learning disabilities. He wanted to build a new home and he became involved with a "spec" house. Unbeknownst to me he took out all the equity in the first house, lied to me about paying our taxes for 5 years, refused to set me up with a retirement account but he had one, didn't pay bills for 3 years, emptied all his accounts, was cheating on me while I was …

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Gut Instinct Isn’t Enough

March 12, 2016 // by HGBeverly// 12 Comments

Chapter 8 Gut Instinct Isn't Enough Everyone talks about "gut instinct," but what is it? Is it really something you feel in your gut? In your heart? In your head? Does everyone have it? Are some people better than others at listening to their gut? I've never talked to anyone who doesn't believe that's the case. People seem to believe that we all have a "gut instinct" about things, and that some people are better at recognizing it than others. When we were dating, Wyatt and I used to walk along the railroad tracks next to his house for hours. They were abandoned tracks, but they still smelled of creosote and oil and tar. The gravel was pierced by only a few weeds with the strongest tap roots, …

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How do you explain why you stayed with a sociopath?

March 11, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// 16 Comments

Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Seekeroflight." How do you explain why you stayed To someone who saw how badly she treated you How exhausted you were Stressed How do you admit that you saw the monster early on And yet you stayed Because the monster was willing to lie To save face To threaten, intimidate How do you explain that you chose to stay With a monster who shouted, as she kicked your friend out, Shouted to the cops and half the neighborhood That he was a "faggot and has AIDS" He doesn't...but it doesn't matter You aren't that kind of person How do you admit that you stayed With a monster who said At the dining room table That she had …

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sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind: “This is what I actually struggle with most now that I am a decade out of divorce. I did not…”
Donna Andersen on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “Good point! Thank you”
sept4 on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “All very true and very good advice. I would like to add that too can always call police if you…”
eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”
jhmb6 on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “This article suggests that all narcissists are not simply narcissists. There always seems to be a co-occurring disorder. All evidence…”